HER WAY

Another Day: Day 1

Dear Journal,

This is a short entry. Jahari thinks we'll always be together, but we broke up for a legit purpose. Jordan has been suffering for me the entire time, and he deserves better. Jordan fits beautifully into my dream of having a house and a family. If Jordan were to leave me or if I were to leave him my heart would sink to my ass. I know how this seems, I know. But I really am in the worst kind of triangle here. Jordan and I are getting married on my birthday, in 54 days. No one else matters. No one else should matter. But he does and he will ALWAYS matter. He's a coward though. He's never even said he's loved me.

"You really want a big wedding? I was just thinking we could go to City Hall or....something."

"I mean that's pretty selfish but if that's what you want to do."

"Selfish? What are you talking about?" Remi asked.

"You don't think our parents wouldn't want to see us get married? Or any of our family? You don't want your dad to-"

"My dad is dead, remember?" Remi said and gulped.

"Sorry, baby. I'm just really stressed with this right now. There's just so much to do in so little time."

"Well you wanted to get married on my birthday," She mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm glad we're doing this. I love you and I can't wait to have a bunch of babies and grow old together."

"I love that." He kissed her on the forehead and left.

Dear Journal,

I remember when I thought marrying Jordan was wrong but it seems as if things are actually okay. Things are easy. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Jahari's baby in high school. I was so delusional, to actually think I could actually go through with something like that. The more time I spent with him, the stronger the wave of euphoria I had never experienced before—began to build within me. Everything grew heavy and quiet in the vicinity of me. I'd concentrate solely on him. His fingers delved into every nook and cranny of my body. It was difficult to control any orgasm I had had. But he'd lose control when he was with me. Sometimes I wondered if Jordan really did love me or an idea of who I could be for him. It was quite flattering, really. Being used as an object of happiness. I knew why Jordan was marrying me. He didn't want to lose, not to Jahari.

Remi closed her Journal and put it in a drawer. She got off her bed and gathered some things to take with her in her car. It was time to visit mom. The last time Remi saw her mother was at the dinner with Remi and Jordan. They had barely spoken. After that..."incident" they rarely conversed. 5 hours later, Remi arrived at her old home in Boston. She spotted a car she didn't recognize in the driveway.

"Hm." She said to herself. She walked to the door and opened it with her keys. She heard feet coming down the stairs.

"Hey, mom. I'm h-"

"Hi, Remi." He had a towel wrapped around him and his body was damp. He'd clearly just gotten out of the shower.

"Dad?" Remi said as her eyes filled with tears.

His eyes brightened, "Hi honey!" He responded. Remi had so many questions but first she ran to the kitchen garbage can and threw up. She wanted to puke her guts out. She wanted to throw up until she was no kk get a person. Just mush. He'd been gone 5 years. Remi hadn't seen her dad in five years. What the hell was he doing here? And why the hell was he half naked in a towel dripping water from his body on the stairs?