HER WAY

No Feelings

Do you know that feeling when you walk with a heavy heart and a soulless body? That's how Remi felt. All she could think about when she saw Jahari on top of Delilah was how stupid she'd been. And the fact that he didn't show up for the abortion was a low blow. Jahari was graduating in a few days, Remi didn't even know he was going to graduate early. She wasn't ready to say goodbye. There it was again... that fleeting feeling.

She was madly in love with him and that's why this hurt so so much. She laid in her bed, unable to move. It was all a weight was pulling her down and she couldn't breathe. Robyn knocked on her door before coming in.

"Remi?" Remi didn't respond, she just sighed; not knowing what to say. Robyn sat on the end of the bed.

"It's almost 8. You have to get ready for school."

A tear rolled down her cheek as she contributed to lay on her side, "I'm not going."

Robyn cleared her throat, "You're going. I know you're upset and sad right now. And I know you feel like your whole world is crashing down, but I will not allow you to drop out of school," she pat her leg twice before saying, "Lets go!" Robyn stood up as Remi kicked off her blanket and groaned.

"Good," Robyn nodded. Remi sluggishly went to her closet to pick out some clothes. Once she did, she put them on the bed and began to undress.

"Aren't you going to shower?" Robyn asked.

Remi exhaled slowly before saying, "I thought about it. Taking off my clothes, doing my hair; I just can't do it. I don't- I can't. Can you get out please? So I can get dressed?" Robyn quietly kissed her teeth, left her room, and closed the door behind her. Remi puts on her clothes. Her outfit was simple, a graphic tee with sweatpants. It was unusual for her, she usually dressed in skirts, dresses, jeans, and cropped tops. But she just didn't feel like herself. When she went to school she felt multiple pairs of eyes on her. She was too tired to care. She looked to her left to see Delilah and Jahari talking. Delilah then, went on her tiptoes to hug him around his neck. Jahari hugged her back and saw Remi. Remi watched them from where she was. Once they'd released from their hug, Remi went to class. It was English. They were still seated next to each other. Remi waited for him to walk through those doors. Maybe we can finally talk, she thought. But he never showed.

During lunch, Remi sat at the back table. She didn't feel like eating. She hadn't eaten breakfast either. She didn't have much of an appetite. How could you eat or drink or move...after you've killed a baby? A little life. A life you'll never get to hold, hear, or see.

"Hey," Jordan said as he sat down.

"Listen, if you're going to say you told me so...you don't need to. I'm fully aware of everything. So would you leave me alone?"

"I'm not sure as to what kind of person you think I am. But I'm not the person who kicks someone when they're down. Are you ok?" He asked.

"I'm fine, Jordan," she responded with the slightest bit of annoyance.

"Good. I got some fries, you want some?"

"I'm not hungry."

He slid his tray of food in front of her, "Eat anyway."

She wanted to believe there were good guys in the world after everything she'd been through. He treated her with kindness. He merely sat there, oblivious to her presence. Jordan grinned as she began to devour the fries she had been offered.

After a few days, Jahari stopped coming to school. He didn't say goodbye; he vanished. After a few months Remi stopped wondering and worrying. All of her messages were either ignored or they didn't go through. She was done. She was really done.