I feel like I have never felt such a diverse range of feelings. I can see why people get confused so easily...have you ever liked 2 people at once? How did you make it stop?
I saw something that once said if you're in love then you aren't interested in someone else and If you are then you aren't in love. Perhaps I still love you but I'm not in love with you. Someone else caught my attention. I spend my days happy being apart from you and sometimes dread having to come home to you. I want other people's attention, i want that thrill back of getting to know someone, of going on dates not knowing where you might end up. The feeling of never wanting to stop talking to someone. Losing sleep because of them. The process of falling in love and finding someone is painful and vulnerable and I miss the feeling of it. It used to be something I dreaded. I was the girl who was 18 and ready to be married, ready to have met her soul mate, ready to have the "perfect" love life...but now I'm almost 22 and I find myself wanting to experience other people. Wanting to meet strangers, sleep with them and forget their names, go on dates and come home at 3 am... or not at all. I want the honeymoon feeling of knowing someone back. That intoxicating feeling you get when their hand brushes against yours, that feeling when they hug you. That feeling when you share your first kiss. The excitement. The feeling of falling again.
I want to know his dreams and ambitions, I want to know his soul and what makes him work. His opinions on things. I'm trying to be his friend and as much as I convince myself that's all I want from him, I know I'm playing with fire. I know that if he tried to kiss me or asked me on a date, I'd let him.
