TW - Miscarriage
I think the day I realised I had completely lost you was the day I lost our baby. It wasn't the day you cheated on me with a barely legal adult. It wasn't the days where you hurt me until blood was gushing down my face or the day where my body was dressed in purple and blue bruises.
It was 3am and I ran downstairs to the bathroom where blood was pouring down my legs. I called you and I called you. The first thing you asked was if I did something, as I though I would have done this on purpose. It was bad enough that I had to carry our baby after you had slept with other women. It made me feel sick, having this thing in me that would only remind me of the heartache and torture you caused. I suppose in hindsight that was probably a valid question then, "did you do something?"
You helped me up those fourteen stairs and put me in the bath tub and ran the shower. I didn't know what to think, I was in pain, I was tired, I was hurt, but I knew what all the blood meant. It wasn't my first. You disappeared for 2 hours. You left me sitting in that tub bleeding, passing our child and you just left me alone.
I will never understand what went through your mind that day. When you did eventually come back, you sat on your phone messaging her. The whole damn time. It sounds silly, to even of had any hope left after everything that had happened. But there it was. 5am in the morning. Sat in a bath tub passing our child and that's when it hit me. You truly couldn't care less. I was just something else to entertain your time, and frankly having another child would have been more of a head ache for you than a blessing.
