When you tell me you love me for the first time please don't say it during sex. Promise me you won't say it when we're drunk on a bottle of tequila and I can taste it with every kiss we have. Promise me you won't say it when we go out for dinner, wearing clothes we barely wear and eating food that's too expensive to begin with. Promise me you will not say it when I'm sleeping next to you, unable to memorise the look on your face or the curls on the side of your lips when you smile as you say it. Promise me you will not say it on birthdays or Halloween or Christmas, please do not ruin these things for me. Please.
Instead, when you tell me you love me, tell me in the most mundane way possible. Make it uneventful. Make it like we have been saying it to each other our whole lives because when you finally stop saying it, I do not want to be reminded of it or you every time I kiss someone new. Or when I drink tequila or when I fall asleep or when I spend the holidays with my family.
Please, do not taint my life with your love, and then your absence of it.
I really did feel so guilty the other day. You held me and kissed me on my forehead. I think it was the first time I felt my heart beating again since he stopped it. He let me take my own heart out of my chest to give to him and then...he just dropped it. But when you picked it up the other say, oh I felt so guilty. With the way you touch my body in the way he never did with a gentle carress that told me you understood.
