I had a dream last night. You invited me over to talk. You were high and passed put asleep by the time I got there. It was weird being near you again. I was scared. I didn't know how to react or what to do. I was wondering if i should wake you or just leave. Save myself the pending heart break that would happen again.
It's weird dreaming about someone you used to know. Or someone you thought you did. They're no longer thought of with the good and the bad but just replaced by all bad. I sat at the end of your bed on the floor looking out the window and although I know it was only a dream, you were saying the things you said to me shortly after you realised I was done with you.
I love you. I love you. I only want you. If I could go back I never would have done any of it. You are my whole world, I miss how you loved me, I miss holding you, I miss how much you calm my anxiety, i miss you being around me. Marry me. Marry me and I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you and proving you're the only one I want. She means nothing. I don't need her. I had everything I ever wanted right there and i fucked it up. Please, let me love you.
Those words haunt me. They're in my dreams constantly. It used to be something I'd dream of for our future and now they're just nightmares that i can't seem to escape. The difference time makes. The difference that happens when you see someone's true colours. When you really said those things to me it was so tempting. Everything i had ever wanted with you at my fingertips. The life I wanted with you right there in front of me on offer. You thought marriage was pointless, for you to ask me to marry you meant something. But this time in my dream. The temptation was gone. I didn't want it. I didn't want you. I didn't want it at my fingertips. It's no longer the future I want. I deserve better than what you gave me.
