Love breaks chains - English version

Chapter three

RobinHood
Copperfield, I am glad that you followed my advice and that I could make the trip more bearable for you. My day got better when I read your message. I was plagued with headaches half the day and the dreary weather did not help my mood. I work a lot, my boss gives me the freedom I need. But often I swallow my frustration that I am almost always the only one who works overtime. So it was again today. But what am I complaining about? I have a job that is fun and even if it is often late until I am finally home, it fulfills me. I can make a living on my own. And that has always been important to me.

Fortunately, the subway is not so crowded anymore. I don't like it very much to stand between the many people. Squeezed in between other people's bodies. As you know, I don't like to go by car. Hence the subway. And some days the masses of people just upset me. Inconsiderate and unfriendly.

But right now, I wouldn't want to trade places with you. A train ride can be long and exhausting. I just remember with horror the trips to visit my grandparents. Not because I didn't want to visit them. No, because of the excruciatingly long ride and uncomfortable seats. Lots of people and loud voices around me. Even as a child, I couldn't stand that at all. But the following days with my grandparents were great. They were always warm and laughed a lot with us. Grandfather always took me to the little bookstore at the end of the street. There I got at the age of ... I think I was five years old, I was given a very special book. I think you would like it too.

My dear Copp. I'm tired and hungry. The cat is definitely making himself comfortable on my sofa, eagerly awaiting me. But not so much for my sake. Rather he waits for his food. And this little lazy cat gets it of course as soon as I am home. And a portion of caresses.

Even if you don't know if the little wolf will find his pack, I hope you can sleep well tonight. In the arms of a beloved partner it simply sleeps best. And it is also nice and warm. So don't worry, even if cold awaits you at your destination, you'll have something to look forward to.
RobinHood

Grinning, I put the phone in my coat pocket and watch people unobtrusively. Just as I suggested to my stranger. And a sudden sadness settles over me. When I walk into my apartment, a little black ball of fur is waiting for me. I live alone, have been single for ages and have been happy with it so far. But what about Copperfield?

In the last six months we have written about many things. But there has always been one topic that I have consciously avoided. My sexual orientation and my shy nature in real life. And with that, my relationship status. As well as him. It was a silent agreement between the two of us from the beginning that things like names and where we lived would stay with us.

An image slides into my mind. It is difficult for me to dispel it. The shadowy outlines clearly become two people. They are standing on the porch of a white suburban house and a small black terrier runs at their feet wagging its tail. The woman is holding a baby in her arms and next to her is a handsome dark-haired man. It is the man who forms out of the steam every morning in the shower and awakens my passion.

What if Copperfield is a married heterosexual man? Does his wife know about me? Who does he say I am? Or am I a secret? Who am I to Copperfield? My thoughts are just taking on a life of their own, spinning in a direction I don't like. I really like the informal between us. He makes me feel good. Very good. I feel like I've known him for years. Yet it's only been six months. My open nature towards him is not difficult for me. He's the first person outside of my family that I've been that way with. Even with Andrew, I couldn't get rid of the shyness and embarrassment.

But I'm no better. No one knows about us. I haven't mentioned Copperfield in a syllable. Not to Jace, my best friend, nor to Izzy my sister. And I can always count on those two. They were there for me during the time of my outing and even after my disastrous first time with Andrew. The first time with Andrew, my first and only time having sex with a man. Afterwards, I talked to Izzy. And cried on Jace's shoulder. She listened silently, he reassured me.

A guilty conscience overcomes me, a touch of shame and doubt that I maintain such a relationship with a man who is a stranger to me. A relationship that has become so important to me. It surprises me, I do not recognize myself.

A man sits down opposite me. I feel his eyes on me. It makes me uncomfortable. Because these looks speak a clear language. The thick wool of my coat hides my body. Yet his eyes try to eat their way through it. As he continues his tour over my body, I nervously knead my hands. His eyes linger on my hands, I begin to sweat and my head turns suspiciously red. I can feel the heat against my cheeks. I would like to tell him that I feel uncomfortable when he looks at me in this way. But no word comes over my lips. In my head, however, I literally throw all the words at his feet.

My stop is reached and I have not been so relieved for a long time as I am at this moment. Jace once asked me why I always fall into such a state of shock when another man shows his interest in me. My answer was clear and I didn't have to think about it. 'Because I'm not a piece of meat. I am a human being. I have feelings and a heart. That's how I want to be seen.' Jace nodded, understanding me.

And as I had already predicted to my stranger, my black little cat is lying on the sofa looking at me. His green cat eyes twinkle and his look tells me everything. 'Where have you been? Why are you just coming now? Where's my food?' I grin and then the silence of an empty apartment overtakes me. Funny, it never used to bother me. But now I feel terribly alone.