Love breaks chains - English version

Chapter twenty-three

I can't tell what it is, but when I see Magnus, I feel the urge to bury my hands in his hair. To slide the tips of my fingers through the deep black and let the softness tickle my skin.
He looks different than when we first met. Shadows under his eyes hint of too little sleep. And yet, there's that sparkle again, the one that had already captivated me on my best friend's porch.

With my mouth open, I stare at him. I smell the scent that always envelops him. Magnus is so close to me. His hand is on mine, the heat increasing immensely with every second that passes. My throat is dry as dust and I still haven't said anything. Magnus tries a soft smile, but it doesn't dispel the sadness in his gaze. The memory of Magnus on the bus, with tears in his eyes hits me abruptly and I'm glad to still be sitting. That sadness in his eyes, the shadow of too little sleep, Magnus crying silently tears at my heart and I wonder why does this always happen to me.

Why can't I just speak my thoughts? Magnus pulls his hand from mine and the warmth and security disappears. This makes me sigh and Magnus looks at me in irritation. I clear my throat, but my voice is low and fine despite everything.
"Hello Magnus", I say and his smile increases.
"How are you?", he asks me. I'm not sure what to say to him. 'Fine, thanks. Life is a bitch, to be sure. But at least there's enough booze to drown the sorrows.' Or 'Shit because I pushed a dear person away from me and it's only because I'm afraid of him not loving me the way I actually am.'

But none of that is what I say.
"It works", Is my answer instead and I feel like the last idiot.
"Had a rough week?", I nod. Magnus sits down in the chair next to me and remains silent. Actually, I don't like silence in a situation like this. Because usually it's a sign that I can't get my mouth open and my counterpart is terribly bored.

But with Magnus it is different. With him, too, I can't get my mouth open. But the silence between us is not strange. Rather, it is strangely exciting. The feeling is new to me. My stomach starts to tingle every time I cast a furtive sideways glance at Magnus. Simon comes and puts a glass of whiskey in front of both of us. And before I can think about who ordered it, I've already got the glass in my hand and emptied it in one big gulp.

The alcohol burns in my throat, it warms me and makes my heart beat even faster. I feel Magnus' questioning gaze on me and look down at my hands, embarrassed. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him empty his glass as well and turn slightly in my direction. His fingers gently stroke my hand, going over every inch of skin one by one. My breath catches in my throat and I can't move. I am too fascinated by the sight.

The exploration tour of his fingers starts at my carpal bones over the outside to the little finger and up again. The back of my hand is circled and Magnus strokes each finger slowly and extensively. I have goose bumps all over my body and threaten to burn inside. Again and again he circles the back of my hand and the desire to do the same to him becomes stronger and stronger. The stroking of my hand excites me and when he starts stroking my forearm, his slender fingers sliding under the sleeve of my sweater, the hairs stand up and I suppress a moan.

Magnus watches my every reaction and I don't understand myself right now. A thought flits through my mind and I lock it in the far corner of my consciousness. Instead, I hear Clary in my head and decide to take a step forward. I turn my hand and Magnu's fingers brush over my palm. He intertwines our fingers together and I'm on the verge of collapsing.

My heart is beating fast and loud, I can hear it and I'm almost sure Magnus can hear it too. I can feel the blood rising in my head and feel the heat against my cheeks. Why am I doing this? It feels good. Magnus squeezes my hand lightly and I look at him. He smiles and his eyes sparkle.
"We got off to an inauspicious start", he says.
"I've been thinking about you a lot." Yes me too thinking of you I say in my mind.

"Shall we start again? I'm Magnus. Nice to meet you." Fuck those lips.
"Alec", I reply quietly.
"You can also call me Alexander. Whatever you want." I have no idea why I'm saying this. Ever since I was a kid, everyone just calls me Alec. It's always been that way.
"Alexander sounds good", says Magnus and I bite my lower lip. The way he pronounces my name. It sounds so sexy, and I wish he'd never stop.

Again I look at our hands, his skin is darker than mine. I love this contrast. Light as a feather, my fingertips touch his skin. It's warm and I remember the feel of his hands on my body.
"Alexander?", I wince at the sound of my name and hold my breath.
"I've been thinking about you, too", I say quickly, releasing the air from my lungs.

I feel his hand on my knee, I feel hot and suddenly scared. It eats through my body and poisons my thoughts. The images of Copp's disappointed words mingle with Magnus's hurtful ones. But there's something else. Magnus's hand travels higher over my thigh, stopping just short of my penis. His fingertips touch the bulge in my pants and Magnus licks his lips. I want to kiss him so badly.

The air around us crackles. I've been hard for a long time, imagining what it feels like to feel Magnus.
"You're driving me crazy", Magnus breathes and his lips touch mine as light as a feather.