Love breaks chains - English version

Chapter eighteen

Magnus leaves me in the park, completely confused. I watch him release his hand from my arm, his chest leaving mine. He turns and leaves, not looking back. I'm still standing in the same spot, not having moved a millimeter. Further and further he moves away from me and then suddenly he stops. He looks over his shoulder at me. The expression on his face is difficult for me to see because of the distance.

The snowfall continues to increase. My hands are already freezing and so is my face. My breath forms little clouds of steam with each expulsion and I am cold. I start to shiver and don't know exactly why. Is it the cold of winter? Is it this insecurity toward Magnus? Is it because of the confusing thoughts in my head?
Before I can think about it further, I see Magnus, who returns his gaze to the ground beneath his feet and then continues on his way. He has a quiet, balanced walking style, and I see the silhouette of his body getting smaller and smaller. Until he has disappeared completely from my field of vision.

My heart grows heavy and I take a deep breath. The top priority now is to clear my head. Sort out my thoughts and make a decision. Quickly my legs move, my usual running speed is just too little for me. Therefore I am faster back home, even if my muscles hurt enormously. But I gladly take this agony upon myself.

Under the shower with the warm water my maltreated muscles loosen up again. I know now already that I will have tomorrow a proper muscle ache. But even that doesn't matter to me right now.

For a long time I think about what to say to Copperfield. Church next to me mews and I can hear his accusatory words, if he would speak.
'Don't be such a coward. You never are to him. So why now?' The little ball of fur has a point. What on earth is the matter?

RobinHood
My dear Copperfield
Your message startled me at first. I expected quite different words and I am very glad that my fear did not come true.

I will be honest. For a moment I thought you wanted to say goodbye. Forever. And that scared me. In a way that is hard for me to comprehend, you have become important to me. I love the conversations between us. The serious moments and the lighthearted ones. Your wit and the assurance that you listen to me. I wouldn't give up what's between us for any amount of money. You are important to me. Our friendship, if we want to call it that, is on a level that I find hard to describe.

I will wait for your messages, as I do every day. And I will read them with a smile on my face. Unfortunately, I can't make the time of the long flight easier for you. In flight mode you would not receive my messages. But I have something for you, which I hope will cheer you up anyway.

I hope your appointment goes the way you want it to. I will be waiting for you.
Your RobinHood XD

I sent the message faster than I would have liked. Without reading my words again before. I put my trust in our honest and open dealings. That he does not resent my words. Because when I read them now, they are quite sentimental. I show him my vulnerable side. And I hope that he accepts it.

RobinHood
Think of me.

Copperfield
Fuck are you trying to kill me? You look forbidden hot. I wish I was the sun in this picture. My rays would tickle your skin and make it glow.

I wish I could touch you. But I respect your decision and I thank you for your honest words. I didn't mean to scare you. I feel the same way. I care about you. Very much. It would be nice if you would think about my request.

I'm about to get on the plane. As soon as I arrive, I'll try to get in touch. To let you know I'm okay.
I am thinking about you. Copp XD

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It's been a week since the meeting with Magnus. And Copperfield has been in Sydney for almost a week. Whenever he can, he checks in. He writes me about his days and nights and the erotic dreams he has. His detailed descriptions trigger a flood of endorphins in me every time.

But he also writes of his fatigue and a long hard struggle he faces every day. Copp loves his job, but it's not always easy, as he once told me. My days are always the same. I have nothing new to report but he doesn't care. Only the day before yesterday I apologized to him that my daily routine is not so spectacular to entertain him accordingly. His answer was a huge laughing smiley and briefly I was offended.

However, Copp immediately clarified the situation. It wouldn't matter if I told him about an exciting manhunt or the latest gossip from the celebrity world. Even the menu from the Chinese restaurant next door or the phone book would captivate him. The main thing was that the words came from me. I lay in bed with a fat grin and my heart did several somersaults.

I think about Magnus, too. Sometimes. And sometimes... no actually always when I think about him, my heart beats faster. And sometimes is an understatement. I think about him every day. Not consistently, but every now and then. His words hurt me more than I wanted to admit at the beginning. And yet, I can't get him out of my head.

"Alec!", shouts Jace, and a load of water lands in my face. Like every Saturday, I made a date to go swimming with him today. Ever since we went to college together, this has been our ritual. I used to go archery with Dad. These days, I go swimming with Jace on a regular basis. It's a good balance to our office work.
"What?", I ask. Apparently he was talking to me. I've been hanging around the edge of the pool for a while, indulging my thoughts.
"Should we take a break?" Nodding in agreement, I say.

We hoist our bodies out of the water and I save drying off. This wasn't our last lane for the day. Jace sits down next to me. He wants to talk about something. I can sense that.
"Why are you so nervous today? And distracted", he asks me. Briefly, I think about the consequences of telling him the truth and decide to put all my eggs in one basket.
"There's someone in my life", I say. Jace eyes widen, a fat grin gracing his face.

"Tell me. Do I know him? Is it Magnus?", he asks, his voice pitch changing at Magnus' name. Jace is in protective mode. Suddenly I get second thoughts about telling him about Copperfield.
"No not Magnus. I have a request. Listen to me. Let me tell it. Then you may comment." Jace nods and I take a deep breath.

This is a conversation I've had so many times in my mind.
"His name is Copperfield. So that's what I'm calling him. Six months ago, a misdirected message landed on me. I replied to him, then he replied to me. And on and on it went. We quickly realized we had chemistry. Copp is great. And he has a smoking hot body. Basically, he's a stranger. I don't know him. But I feel good when we write together. Then I'm the Alec I've always wanted to be. Not shy and insecure. I'm open and bold, confident and maybe in love. I don't know. But I do know this. I care about him."

"You know his body? Do you have a sex thing going on?", asks Jace, shocked. Fuck what did I do? He doesn't understand. He's going to hate me.