Love breaks chains - English version

Chapter twenty-two

"Hello Alec. Good to see you", Simon greets me with a handshake.
"Hi Simon", I reply and sit down at the counter.
"Is everything okay?", he asks and I hear concern in his voice pitch.
"Yes", I reply curtly and he raises an eyebrow. Of course everything is not okay. And Simon senses that. He's an excellent judge of character and has known me for many years.
"Do you want to talk about it?", he asks. And I wonder how he will react when I tell him that I had video sex with a strange man. And left him disappointed and hurt afterwards. I shake my head and look at my hands. They are intertwined on the counter, my light skin stands out against the dark wood, and I think of Magnus. How his hand nestled in mine, our fingers intertwined and it felt so incredibly good.

Two arms wrap around me from behind, a petite warm body pressing against my back.
"Hello big guy", says Clary happily, giving me a kiss on the cheek. I turn and smile at her. She beams all over her face and her eyes glow a warm green. I hope that this glow will still be there in a few months and not covered by a dull gray from lack of sleep.
"How are you?", I ask, tapping lightly against her belly. She giggles and shows me a small black and white picture. Tears gather in my eyes, I still can't believe it. Many years of hoping and worrying, tears and shattered dreams are behind my two friends. I was by their side the whole time. Just like Jace has always been for me.

"Jace owes me a trip to the movies. With popcorn and Coke of the jumbo variety", I say laughing and Clary just shakes her head.
"You guys are impossible."
"But you love us anyway", I retort, looking at her seriously.
"It's going to stay that way, isn't it?" She takes me in her arms and briefly we hug tightly.
"You're the best uncle the lil bean could ask for", she whispers in my ear. Back then, on their wedding day, Clary and Jace promised me that I would be godfather to their first child. Since I won't have any biological children of my own, that meant an incredible amount to me.

"Have you talked to Magnus?", asks Clary suddenly, and I have to collect myself for a moment. Magnus? How does she come up with Magnus now, of all people? I haven't seen him again after that unexpected meeting on the street. That was two weeks ago now. Just as long as I haven't heard from Copperfield. One last time I tried to explain myself. But again, the screen of my phone stayed black and the red light didn't blink. I still think about him every day and imagine how it could be when we meet. And every time I see the same image in front of me. I am close to tears when Copperfield leaves me disappointed because I am so different from our messages.

I find it hard to bear this thought. Seeing the disappointment in his face and knowing that I messed up. And then Magnus who I just can't get out of my head. I often wonder if my eyes have deceived me. Was it maybe just the snow on the window which made his eyes shine. Or a snowflake that got caught in his dark hair and melted in the heat of the bus. And thus flowed as a tear down his cheek. I don't know, but I don't like the idea of Magnus crying. For many hours I turned the questions in my head, but it did not come to a solution.

"Alec? Are you listening to me?" Once again, I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't notice Clary talking to me. "Sorry. I wasn't there just now", I say, smiling wryly.
"Where were you?", she asks seriously. And in her eyes I can tell she knows. She knows about Copperfield, and she knows about Magnus, too.
"Did Jace tell you?"
"Don't be angry with him. I almost beat it out of him." I'm not mad at Jace. Clary is small, but she can put up quite a fight. She's not someone you want to mess with. And certainly not right now.

"You know we love you. And we're here for you. No matter what you decide." She strokes my hair and I gasp.
"If it were that easy. It's just not as easy for me as it is for you guys", I echo a little more sharply than I should.
"Listen to your heart. You'll know when the right one is standing in front of you", she whispers in my ear and leaves.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, it is warm and heat spreads through my body. A feeling of familiarity sets in. I close my eyes and hear a voice, deep and masculine, sad and quiet.
"Hello Alec." His hand slips from my shoulder, sliding down my arm to my hand. I feel a chill run down my spine and my heart beats fast in my chest. I feel like I can't breathe. This touch leaves a tingling sensation. I feel the trace of his hand on my arm and then his fingers on the back of my hand. He strokes my skin, it is cold but inside my blood starts to boil. I open my eyes and swallow hard. I can no longer breathe and I become unspeakably hot. A storm of emotions rushes through my head and I can no longer think clearly.

Magnus is standing in front of me, with a sad look on his face, and yet he looks so beautiful.