Love breaks chains - English version

Chapter twenty-one

RobinHood
That was incredible Copp. I felt your hands on my body the whole time. Your moans are insane. It was so intense.

Copperfield
Yes it was. I enjoyed every second. You are really beautiful. And hot. Are you feeling ok?

RobinHood
Yes, I'm fine. Very much so.

Copperfield
I'll be honest with you.

RobinHood
What's the matter? Do you have regrets?

Copperfield
I can't stop thinking about you. You're in my thoughts.

RobinHood
You are in mine too.

Copperfield
We have two choices. Either we keep this up until one of us meets someone. Then this ends and you leave me heartbroken. Or we meet, get to know each other and see what happens.

RobinHood
I like what we have. You didn't answer my question. Do you regret it?

Copperfield
No. You misunderstand me. I don't regret it. Not in any way. Why do you think that?

RobinHood
I don't.

Copperfield
I care about you. If only I could show you how much.

My week in Sydney was so stressful. Sleep deprivation, long difficult negotiations, fast food eating alone in my hotel room. I can't deny that it was insanely stressful for me....

But I also knew that when I was lying in that anonymous room in someone else's bed, there was someone on the other side of the world who would put a smile on my face with their words. And that was you. My handsome one, I think about you a lot. And I want to meet you insanely.

RobinHood
I have doubts.

Copperfield
What are you doubting about?

RobinHood
That one meeting will destroy everything between us. I can't. You are also very important to me. And I'm following my heart on this. I'm not ready for a meeting.

Copperfield
Now I ask you. Do you have any regrets?

RobinHood
No. Please try to understand me.

Copperfield
I'm having a little trouble with that right now.

RobinHood
Are you mad?

Fuck you are pissed.

Copperfield
I feel taken advantage of right now.

RobinHood
Woah. That's honest.

Copperfield
What would you think if you were me? We've been writing each other for six months. You tell me intimate things about yourself. We write openly and freely. From the very first second. I know things about you that you haven't even told your best friend yet....

RobinHood
What do you expect from me?

Copperfield
Honesty. Nothing more. I've always been honest with you. I've given you time. But you won't even tell me what city you live in....

I thought I was going to collapse any moment when I saw you. Your body, hearing you. I wanted to touch you so much... fuck understand...

I have feelings for you. I'm not taking advantage of you. But I'm not clear if I can do this much longer.

RobinHood
What? I don't get it.

Copperfield
I want you to decide. Meet with me. Get to know me. Go on a date with me. Or end it.

RobinHood
I'm confused. It's... the whole thing is overwhelming me right now. I'm afraid that you don't like me in real life. Why force anything? Things are going so well between us. Why not keep it that way for a while?

Copperfield
Because my heart can't take it anymore.

It's been three days since our last chat. I haven't heard from my beautiful stranger for three days. My mood is in the lowest basement there is. I do not feel well. My thoughts are dominated by Copp and his words.
Jace was right, I am not ready to face him. My doubts grow with each day and with each day the guilt grows a little bit.

'Because my heart can't take it anymore.' Those were his last words to me. He didn't reply to any of my messages. I sat in my bed for hours staring at the display. But it remained black and silent. And it wasn't blinking that beautiful shade of red either. My mind was running amok and the voices in my head were screaming at me to just press that fucking green button and call him. That I'd talk to him. But instead, my insecurity took over and fear crept in. It hid behind the wall around my escape reflex and blew it to smithereens. I just couldn't make it work.

Our relationship was so unique and fulfilling. But I destroyed it. Simply because I am unable to face my fears and doubts. It's not just his heart that's broken. Mine is too.

And yesterday my emotional chaos got worse. I was driving home. The day was long and exhausting. Again and again I thought of Copp and missed him so much. His kind words that delighted me after a tiring day. I knew there would be no word from him that evening either. Two blocks from my apartment I saw a figure across the street. My heart almost stopped and I wondered if fate was actually screwing with me.

At the bus stop, under a streetlight, shone by the soft light and shrouded by snowflakes, Magnus stood staring at me. My heart slipped into my pants and I immediately had the feel of his lips on mine. I tasted him and felt his fingers slowly sliding under my sweater and stroking my warm skin.

All the events of the last few weeks mingled in my head. Copp's words, Magnu's lips. Copp's body, Magnu's hands on me. Copp's moans and Magnu's hurtful words. And Magnu's eyes again and again. Before I could react I saw the bus at the stop and watched Magnus get on and sit in the back row. He looked at me and even though I couldn't see his face clearly I was sure he was crying.