Love breaks chains - English version

Chapter fifteen

"Alec kissed Magnus", says Clary.
"I didn't", I interrupt. Jace is about to say something, but instead he grabs his cup first and pours himself coffee. With three sugars. I don't understand how a normal person can drink something like that.
"Did you suddenly get short of breath?", asks Clary. Completely perplexed, I stare at her with my mouth open. What is she talking about?

Giggling, she looks at me with her big green googly eyes. I think she's making fun of me.
"Don't be mad. I saw the two of you. He had his tongue down your throat, and his hands were definitely in adult places."
In my mind, I try to recall every single moment. It comes surprisingly easy to me. I remember everything. A pleasant shiver runs down my spine. I smile, and then I hear Magnu's voice. 'I'm a little confused. There's someone else. And I suddenly had to think about him.'

Gone is my good mood and the scrambled eggs are cold. I don't like cold scrambled eggs. Sighing, I wipe my face and massage my temples. The headache would like to come back. I don't feel like having this kind of visit. Jace eyes me insistently.
"Do you want to talk about it?", he asks uncertainly. I weigh the pros and cons. Magnus is very attractive, but he has disappointed me. Clary knows him from before, an advantage. Or maybe not.

"He kissed me", I say softly, poking my fork into my now ice-cold scrambled eggs. Clary and Jace's gazes bore under my skin like little sharp needles. I know exactly what they are thinking now. That I kiss a complete stranger and don't run away in panic is so uncharacteristic for me.

Andrew literally begged for a date and only after we had already been dating for three weeks, I was able to overcome my insecurity and let him kiss me goodbye. That was also the beginning of our relationship and the beginning of a disastrous evening, which ended with many tears.

For Jace, this must be a surreal performance right now. Me, his best friend, the shyest boy under this sun, being kissed by a man. A strange man. And allowing it to happen. Without blushing, without throwing up from excitement. No panic attack, no escape. Because these scenarios have all happened in the last few years. Also with Andrew.

My first blowjob, I was so excited that I promptly threw up in the bathroom. I remember a very insightful conversation between Izzy and me. After that, it got better.
"Oh my god. He kissed you? And you let him?", asks Clary excitedly. Her cheeks glow a soft pink and her eyes sparkle with joy. All that's missing is eager clapping of hands and jumping up and down. Then the teen cliché is perfect. Only we are not teenagers anymore and Clary is not the type for such behavior.

"Yeah I let him do it", I say. Jace looks at me skeptically, but remains silent.
"What was it like? Come on tell us. Please."
"It was good", I say tersely. Jace still hasn't said a word. His eyes scrutinize me even more insistently. Why isn't he saying anything? This is as out of character for him as it is for me to make out with a stranger.
"It was a kiss. And it was nice." That's all I say.

"When are you guys dating again?", asks Clary, and Jace crosses his arms in front of his chest. I don't answer her question. Instead I engage in an eye duel with my best friend.
"What happened Alec? What did he do?" Jace knows me long and well. That something is wrong, that I'm worried about Magnus, is not lost on him.
"It was just a kiss. What do you want to hear? I'm not about to drag him down the aisle", I say, annoyed, and loudly drop the silverware on my plate. Now Clary also notices that something is wrong.

"The last man you kissed, that was Andrew. Now you return Magnus' kiss and act like it's nothing special. Normally, you'd be pacing nervously around the counter right now. You would have a thousand questions and his phone number. You would wonder what he sees in you, if he expects you to call him. You would be thinking about a date and if he wants sex. You'd be sitting here at this counter with tears streaming down your face, gasping for air." Jace is so right about what he says.
"But you don't do anything like that. Do you have his phone number?" I shake my head.
"Why not?" Why can't he just let it go?

"I didn't want them", I reply in a whisper.
"I'm going to kill him. What did he do?" Jace is furious.
"You promise to keep it between us?", Clary nods, Jace shakes his head. He's always protected me, had my back.
"He kissed me. I kissed him back. The feeling was incredible. He touched me. On my leg and..." Embarrassed, I lower my head. Clary takes me in her arms, stroking my back soothingly.

"You haven't looked this relaxed around another man in a long time", Clary says. I take a deep breath and now feel Jace's hand on my arm, too.
"He slid his hand under my shirt..." Jace's grip tightens.
"I wanted it Jace. I really did." I look into my childhood friend's eyes.
"I would have gone much further. I know that now. But he thought of another man and ended our kiss and ... the other." My last words are just whispered.

"Wow Alec. That's a first." Clary gives me a kiss on the cheek and then hugs me tightly. I would love to tell them about Copperfield. But right now I don't feel strong enough.
"That hit me hard", I tell them both. I reach for the newspaper and open the local section. The subject is over for me and they both know it.