Love breaks chains - English version

Chapter sixteen

After I left Jace and Clary alone, I drove to my apartment and cuddled the little fat cat very firmly. He desperately needed this cuddle, I'm not often out of the house overnight. I slipped into my running shorts and shirt, put on my beloved black hoodie that has been a faithful companion since my college days. Accordingly, this one looks the part. The color is now charcoal instead of black, the drawstring in the hood is missing, and the cuffs have seen better days.

Izzy says I look like the last bum with it. But I love this hoodie. It's soft and warm, has a roomy pocket for my phone to listen to music, and just never lets me down. The hoodie is there for me on gloomy days. When I wear it and slip into my running shoes, a bubble starts to form around me, sealing me off from the world. This is where I can be Alec. Give my thoughts and feelings, emotions and fears free rein. As soon as I step out onto the street, pull the hood over my head, the music blaring in my ears and my legs moving fast, I am free. I love this time of day.

The wintry weather invites me to go for a walk, and the park is appropriately crowded for my Sunday run. It's quite cold, but the running quickly warms up my muscles and my body is enveloped in a comforting warmth as well. The air is clean and it still smells like snow. But there is still none in sight. I wonder when the time will finally come and the first flakes will fall from the sky.

My legs carry me further and further, the cold air fills my lungs with the necessary oxygen and a song just catches my attention.

I am already so long in search of you
So long that I even doubt and almost lose courage
I don't know what to do but you are not here

Tell me I've invested all these nights well
In which I did not close my eyes
Thoughts kept spinning in my head
That you're out there I'll gladly say
Somewhere in the nowhere between thousands of stars
And I hope that someday I'll see you
That I'll see you someday, that I'll see you someday
But who knows what's soon
Or if I'll find you when I'm old

I think of Copperfield and that he hasn't contacted me yet today. But I haven't contacted him either.

And I hope you are well
I often wonder what you're doing right now
I'm alone and I doubt
And I wonder
Where are you?
Where are you?

I'm alone and I doubt

And I wonder
Where are you?
And now I sit here
With pen and paper
Wondering if my me without you will ever be happier

I'm not hard to reach
So give me a sign when you find me
I'll gladly go with you
No matter where you go

Where are you?

One thing has become clear to me in the last few weeks. I think about Copp a lot. He makes me laugh. He makes me think. He makes me cry. I think about him a lot. And even more since last night. That intense erotic experience. It was indescribable.

I am struggling with myself. Should I grant him his wish? He wants to see me. A meeting scares me. What we have is so beautiful and unique. It is carefree and free. He knows an Alec that doesn't exist in real life. The man he's been exchanging messages with for six months is not the man he's been waiting for. And Copperfield doesn't know it. He doesn't even suspect that I am so very different.

Again and again I imagine our first meeting. In a bar, maybe the Hunters Moon? I sit at the bar and wait for the man of my sleepless nights. He comes to me, friendly, polite, nice and charming. He is good looking, very good. Next to him I feel small and insignificant. My hands sweaty and my head high red, he tries to get a conversation going, but I remain as mute as a fish. I am literally speechless and Copp leaves the bar in a rage. After throwing my drink in my face and calling me a liar and a cheat. Because this man here, is not the man he expects.

The more I think about it, the more insecure I become. But also my longing for him grows. And when I close my eyes, I see him. Magnus. And my confusion increases immeasurably. Why Magnus? I don't know him. He was a kiss at a party. Nothing special.

The more I fight not to think about Magnus, the more often he slips into my thoughts. I flinch briefly as my stomach begins to vibrate. I read the message with a few tap-tap-tap steps.

Copperfield
Hello handsome. I have to tell you something. It's not easy for me. I hope you're not mad at me. And if you are, I'll make it up to you.

My heart is beating faster and faster. I'm getting hotter and hotter. Not him, too. If he writes me now that he doesn't want to keep contact between us, I'll scream. And then I also don't care who can hear and especially see me here. My fingers are shaking so much. I panic to continue reading the message.

Robin, I have to fly to Sydney tonight. An urgent appointment that was scheduled on short notice. 9953 miles. I spend a whole day on the plane. And back the same again. The meeting will be exhausting. Busy days and short nights await me. The time difference is 14 hours.

I don't want to give you false hope. But I don't want you to wait for me unnecessarily either. Therefore, I just wanted to tell you that I will get in touch with you. But please don't be angry with me if it is not regular and immediate.

I think about you. And hopefully you think about me too.
All love your Copp XD

Oh my god. I'm completely beside myself right now and don't even know what to think. His message scared me at first, then it almost made me melt with emotion. He's so great.

I decide to shorten my round a bit and then send him a reply after showering. I will use this time to sort out my thoughts. I was really afraid that he would also reject me. I quickly put my phone in my pocket and look up at the sky. Snow. The first snow of the year. Finally.

My legs start moving again, I look up at the sky and watch the flakes fall. I would rather not have done that. I crash hard into another body and our heads hit each other hard. We both stagger and I instinctively grab the other man's arm before he falls to the ground. He looks at me and wants to say something, but no word leaves his lips.

I, too, am silent and look to the man across from me. He is wearing gray sweatpants and the same pair of shoes as me. The red sweat jacket is tight against his body and I wonder if he has enough room to breathe in it. There are a pair of white earplugs in his ears and the music blaring makes me swallow hard.

Ask me often what you are doing
I am alone and I doubt
And I wonder
Where are you?
Where are you?
I'm alone and I doubt
And I wonder
Where are you?

Magnus is standing in front of me. He looks at me from his beautiful eyes, his mouth is slightly open. The snowflakes around us fall silently to the ground. A few get caught in his black hair and a single one comes to rest on his eyelashes. My fingertips start to tingle and I wish I was that little snowflake.