Love breaks chains - English version

Chapter nineteen

"What?" Jace looks at me from widened eyes. Shock is visibly written all over his face.
"Alec is that a pervert?" Somehow this sounds familiar.
"What? No. Why would you think that?", I ask. Jace is eyeing me. And I don't like it.
"Did you send him pictures of you?", asks Jace hesitantly. I nod, and he sighs loudly.
"I'm just worried." Yes I can hear that.
"You always worry about me", I answer him quietly.

"You're my best friend. Of course I worry about you."
"I know you do. And that's really sweet of you. But you don't need that this time. Copp is different. He's not pushing me to do anything. I could have ended it at any time."
"Do I want to know what?", He winks at me and I just roll my eyes.
"No. You don't."

"But there is something I want to talk to you about."
"All bro. You know that."
"He wants to see me."
"A date?"
"I don't know exactly. I'm thinking video for now." Jace draws in a sharp breath.
"Calm down Jace. I haven't agreed to it. But I do think about it. A lot, actually. And the thought of it excites me. A lot." Jace shakes his head. He's not mad at me. But I can see the worry lines on his forehead.
"Oh Alec. Do you think that's a good idea?"
"Why not do something crazy?", I say instead of giving him an answer.

"What happens if you decide to meet? Well, really meet. Can you handle that?" Jace sounds so worried. I know exactly what he's thinking right now.
"You mean if I panic and go mute as a fish? I've been thinking about that a lot. And I've been telling him. So not everything. Just that I don't have much experience with dating. Or with partners."
"Hmmm. Go on", says Jace.
"He told me some anecdotes from his dating life. And about his first time." I can't look at Jace anymore. I've already given myself away.

"You told him about your first time right?"
"Yes."
"Are you going to tell me too? I always gave you time to tell it on your own. You never did. But you tell a stranger?" Jace is disappointed. And I understand.
"I was ashamed", I say quietly and Jace just snorts.
"That gay sex is different than straight couples, I guess I know. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm always here for you. I can't give you tips on how to make a guy orgasm, but I'll listen to you. And I think that's worth a lot."

"Andrew had no patience with me. I wasn't one hundred percent ready to do it. In theory, I knew how it was going to go. But I wasn't prepared for the pain. And he wasn't empathetic", I whisper. I don't like to talk about it. In fact, I never have. Copperfield was the first one I told.
"I'm sorry about that Alec. Were you passive?" I just nod and a tear leaves my eye.
"I sometimes wonder if someday there will be someone who will fill me. Who will take my heart by storm and make me happy. And then I think of Copp. And it feels right. But Jace I'm not being honest. Because ever since I met Magnus, I can't get him out of my head. And I'm scared. Very scared, in fact."

"I understand that. When the right time comes, you'll know. It will all feel right and your fears will sail a ship across the ocean, taking the uncertainty with them. The right one will come. And he will fill you up. You are such a lovely great man. And you too will meet your soulmate. I truly believe that."

"Alec listen to me. Andrew wasn't right for you. Not in so many ways. I'm sorry your first time was such a disaster. And I hope that next time will be different. That you have a strong partner by your side to guide you. And who lets you feel the happiness and ecstasy that makes sex so unique. I love you Alec. But please take care of yourself."

The conversation with Jace continued to run through my mind for a long time. It was long overdue. But I was too afraid of it. And it was so simple. I don't understand at all why I thought he might hate me or treat me differently. He is my oldest friend and a great person. He always cares, protects me like a big brother.

Copp is back again. He already wrote me that he landed and he is fine. I hope that he will contact me again today. Because I have made a decision and I would like to tell him. If my courage does not leave me.

Copperfield
Hello my handsome. I am at home. I have eaten something. I took a shower. How was your day?

RobinHood
I was hoping you would check in today.
My day was good. I went swimming with a friend. We do that every weekend. It's been our ritual since college. Just the two of us.

Copperfield
Do I have anything to worry about?

RobinHood
What? Why?

Copperfield
You go swimming with another man. Regularly. Is there something going on between you?

RobinHood
Are you jealous?

Copperfield
What? What makes you think that?

RobinHood
You are jealous.

Copperfield
I'm not.

RobinHood
Are you mad now?

Copperfield
Who is he?

RobinHood
My best friend. I've known him forever. You don't have to worry about him. He's not my type. More like a brother.

Copperfield
What color is your bathing suit?

RobinHood
Black

Copperfield
Tight or wide?

RobinHood
Narrow. Very narrow.

Copperfield
More

RobinHood
I like the feel of water on my skin. When my muscles burn from the powerful pulls. My arms struggling through the cold water. My body lying suspended in the water, muscles tense and hard.

Copperfield
...

RobinHood
Are you okay?

Copperfield
No... fuck

RobinHood
What's wrong? Do I have to worry?

Copperfield
I... oh god.

RobinHood
Tell me. You can tell me anything.

Copperfield
I'm hard...

Oh!