Love breaks chains - English version

Chapter nine

I love my sister. I really do. I love my sister. Izzy, along with Jace, is my confidante. But right now I'm asking myself why I'm always softened by her puppy dog eyes. Clary had her birthday last week and we already celebrated it in a small group. Jace and Clary, Simon with Izzy and me.

This celebration here for Clary's birthday is definitely beyond the scope of my emotional limit. Too many people. Too loud music. Too many voices all talking at once. Too many different sounds. Shrill, deep, melodic, earthy, sonorous, old, young.
My childhood friend's childhood home, which he inherited after his parents died, is filled to the rafters with people. It's not like that, of course, but it feels like that to me. Clary once told me that she was popular in school and I'm not surprised. She has a big heart, love for all and sundry. Always a laugh and advice when you are despairing yourself. Clary is a good person and I liked her from the beginning.

But right now, this whole thing is overwhelming me. Clary is still in touch with a lot of people from her school days. So does Jace. And this mass of people, have gathered here tonight to celebrate with Clary. I seem to be one of them, and I want nothing more than to leave. But after Clary greeted me so effusively and told me how happy she was that I was here, I surrendered to my fate.

I stay and try to suppress my burgeoning anxiety coupled with a surge of insecurity. Distraction. I need distraction. So I grab a drink and stand away from the partying masses. Leaning back against a wall, I watch the spectacle around me. Clary and Jace engrossed in conversation with various people, my sister gesticulating wildly with her hands. She is talking to a young man and I recognize him. Raphael. Raphael Santiago.

I just have deja vu from a time long forgotten. A sports field, football, a hot summer day and Raphael Santiago sweaty without a shirt. Me sitting on the bleachers drooling and Izzy in her cheerleading outfit watching me with interest as I continued to undress Raphael Santiago with my looks. That day, Izzy came into my room after dinner and simply spoke freely about a topic that had been unpleasant to me until then.

It was the night of my outing. A ton of weight fell off my shoulders and I was never more relieved than at that moment that Izzy always understood me. The day after, we talked to Jace together. I was very afraid of his reaction and also losing him as a friend. I wasn't going to get over that. But Jace is just Jace. He simply waved the information away and told us that he had suspected for some time that I was into men. He took me in his arms and gave me a light kiss on the cheek. He assured me that it would not change anything in our friendship. And so it did.

Jace was and still is my best friend. A friend I could always talk to about anything. But there was one thing I never told him. Raphael noticed my looks. And he interpreted them exactly right. I had a crush on him for a long time and one day he approached me. Asked me out on a date. Me. The shy too tall guy from the back row. Panicked, I ran away, leaving Raphael standing there confused. Jace saw this and set up a meeting. I took Raphael to a diner, ordered burgers and chocolate milkshakes. Raphael talked and I kept quiet.

With my head up and my hands shaking, I tried to look half as dorky as I felt. The evening was a disaster in my eyes. And the real disaster was yet to come. Raphael walked me home and before I could utter a 'It was nice. Thank you for a lovely evening.' his lips slammed down hard on mine. I still remember that feeling clearly. I was 16 years old, young, unkissed, shy. His lips moved on mine in a demanding way. But instead of enjoying this moment, savoring it to the fullest, I froze.

For a long time I had always imagined this moment. Had imagined in the most beautiful colors how it felt. But it was so different. Instead of warm soft lips there was cold moisture and a loving embrace was replaced by a strong pressing against the wall.
The evening was a washout and Raphael berated me. I just left him on the steps outside our house and ran to Jace. Without any annoying questions, I was able to cry on his shoulder. He understood what I was trying to tell him. The topic of dating was off the table for me. Until Izzy introduced me to Andrew.

Jace gave Raphael the telling off of his life and I think a fist was involved as well. I leave the thoughts of Raphael behind me. My gaze wanders around the room. Some people I know from before, some are strangers to me. But one woman catches my attention. I recognize her. It is the woman from Hunters Moon. And standing next to her is the same man. His back is turned to me. The upper part of his body trembles slightly. I suspect he is laughing. His broad shoulders are tucked into a tight-fitting black longshirt, and his tight butt is tucked into an even tighter pair of gray jeans.

His companion looks briefly at me and smiles kindly. Before I can react, the unknown man turns and looks directly in my direction. I draw in a sharp breath and my breathing stops. My heart begins to stumble, beating and then not. It feels like hiccups. I look into the eyes of a beautiful man. He is clearly of Asian descent and his eyes sparkle seductively at me.

His hair is black as night and looks so wonderfully soft and full. My fingertips tingle, I feel the urge to bury my hands in his hair and let my fingers glide through it like gentle waves. His mouth with its full pink lips smiles at me. Embarrassed, I avert my gaze and linger on his torso.

Hard muscles press through the dark fabric. I have clear images in my mind. And these images are just as clearly not G-rated. Noisily I let the held air escape from my lungs. My heart hammers wildly in my chest. It almost hurts, the number of beats has tripled. Adrenaline floods my veins, I feel unspeakably hot and my flight instinct is just activating.

I see that the stranger licks his lips. At the sight of his pink tongue I whimper softly and am glad that no one is near me to hear it. He hands his companion the drink in his hands and approaches me. My mind just runs amok, screaming escape and before I know it I'm on my way to the front door, feeling the chill of winter on my heated skin.