SOLANDIS // KotLC Oneshots

The Neverseen go to Therapy

———

Therapist (Esme): right, so I believe you have been sent here by *squints* a Keefe Sencen?

Gisela: yes, he's my son with a damn LEGACY

Therapist: umm, okay... so do you know why you're here?

Gisela: I'm perfectly sane! I have no issue with the outside world or what have you- I've tortured my son without batting an eyelash!

Therapist: ma'am this is not a psychiatric hospital, this is therapy. But, I think I know why you're here now. In the issues section it says: has tortured son-

Gisela: -it was for his own good-

Therapist: -kidnapped very hot guy for the neverseen-

Gisela: -it's not my fault his bangs were so awesome-

Therapist: -cut open son's palm at a young age (that's just bad parenting)-

Gisela: -he needs to understand the value of bLoOd-

Therapist: -401 I'm calling in for a transfer to... further psychological services

———

Therapist: next!

Brant: iM hEeErE jOlIe

Therapist: you've come here by your own accord, the letter says. And I understand. It must be very upsetting to set your girlfriend on fire! Let's talk about-

Brant: *sobs* it's all that Dophie Soster's fault *sobs*

Therapist: do try to take a deep breath. It's called mindfulness. Think of things that make you happy.

Brant: *sighs* alicorns dancing on burned corpses

Therapist: so now, tell me more about Jolie-

Brant: *accidentally sets fire to his own pants*

Therapist: lol I'm out

———

Fitz: hi I'm-

Zara Quinn: *with a pan* YOURE NOT EVEN PART OF THE MF NEVERSEEN YOU RAT

Therapist: THROW IT

Zara: *throws*

Therapist: good, he's fine for now- NEXT!

———

Therapist: oh Lord, it's this one. I'll have trouble not killing her

Vespera: I have an issue with looking young and stylist at an ancient age

Therapist: lol you really think so?

Vespera: this is already boring. What happened to that princess I scarred?

Therapist: *stiffly* she's actually leading battle plans on how to take off that stupid head of yours

Vespera: greaat. Now I have a new protective headdress to make. Tell me, should I use rubies or garnets?

Therapist's Soul: tHey lOoK tHe sAmE bItC-

Therapist: so why the hell you at therapy?

Vespera: my bestie Gisela went too, so she forced me. I'm totally fine. The Scar Girl, on the other hand...

Therapist + Fandom: FIGHT ME

———

Therapist: ugh, this sucks. nEeExt

Gethen: ima fake Sophie being my daughter so she can lOooOoOse

Therapist: so it says here you're here because you "used your mental energy to wreak havoc and chaos"

Gethen: that's right! And I'm proud of it. I freed vEsPeRa- I hired gLiMmEr

Therapist: *sips tea* really?

Gethen: yes! I happened to find Glimmer seething and promised her great things

Therapist: but then that bitch Gisela interfered?

Gethen: she did *sad face* and now I lost my one willing young ally thanks to that boy with the bangs.

Therapist: if you ever meet Glimmer tell her to back off Tam. He's BIANA'S

Gethen: oh is that his name? Okay. I'll go pick flowers noww

Therapist: k byee

Zara: bruh we're not here to make friends with the Neverseen

Therapist: I couldn't be mean to aLl of tHeM

———

So, that's it for my poor therapist soul, as I can't bring the dead out of their trees and Ruy isn't important enough. Now I'm gonna go have a cup of coffee with extra caffeine. I don't get paid enough for this.