Almost You

Free Willy

Chapter 45

 Free Willy

I blew it. I really, ruined it.

After all that, I was just so close to putting an end to all this scewed-up crap.

It was like counting a large quantity, but you make a stupid mistake while counting the last few and you're back to zero again.

Just like that, one mistake, just one, it'll drop you so fast you won't even have time to scratch your head and try to figure out why.

I didn't know what to do now, who to call, who to talk to, where to go. I didn't even know where I was, wondering the empty hallways of my building. I didn't know what time it was, and I didn't know how long I've been wondering why I couldn't cry, and how many strangers who'd ignored me.  And I certainly didn't know how to fix things.

And I honestly just didn't care.

I didn't cry, I wasn't going to cry. But I moved like a zombie, my shoes forgotten about three floors ago, and I'd ripped the pins out of my hair, which was now just wavy, the curls were slowly falling out.

Later, I knew that I would have to be strong. I was strong enough now not to cry, but just let me be sad and sorry for right now. I need some alone time.

My throat felt weird from being silent for so long, I haven't uttered a single word since I was talking to Ryan in his car. I didn't get flashes of Ryan's face, red and angry as for all the times he has yelled at me, and my ears were lacking of quips of Ryan's voice. There was nothing there.

I was completely empty.

But there was one thing, that I did wonder about. And for once, it wasn't about Ryan, my mother, or me, or any one else.

It was Evan.

Screw everybody else, I didn't have the energy to care anymore, I lost that once the realisation of messing every single thing up, the running over thoughts countlessly again and again drained me.

 And I was just so screwed up and overhwelmed... That I didn't want to care. It was only Evan who mattered right now.

Because Ryan knows about him, and Ryan is going to tell his parents, because I don't want to have to leave him again, or go on more dates with Ryan.

My entire body was yearning for him, weakly. And I didn't know if I should get up and refuse to be weak, and go find him. Or stay here like some whiny girl who and cry.

Tears are optional, and I knew I wasn't to cry anytime soon. Weakness, is a choice.

And god dammit I wasn't about to give in.

With the last motivational words clear in my head, I turned around from room 678 and headed towards the rails of the stairs. I hopped down three flights of the carpetted main-staircase in bare feet. I was going to see Evan again! In my own apartement, Evan told me that he was going to wait up for me so he knew that I got home okay.

I felt a low tremble of panic, Evan might be wondering where I was. I didn't have track of time, but at the rate that my hair was flattening I could tell that it's been a while.

I tracked down my room, and slipped the key in the door, unlocking it was a twist and 'click'.

The door creaked open, and I flinched at the sudden sound enterening my ears, after not hearing anything but my muffled footsteps was strange.

No one seemed to notice my entrance, so I used this to advantage. I crept into the living room where Mark was sitting down, with my laptop again.