I hate you I love you-EdSer oneshots

Before you go

Disclaimer:  This story is set after episode 39. So, it's basically what I think happened to EdSer that  lead towards their break-up. So events here are from five years ago and from my imagination.

Eda watched bitterly as the last burning candle burnt out on the table, leaving only smoke as a prove that candle was alive at one point. Five other candles on the table burnt out pretty easily, so Eda’s hopes fade away as soon as the last one disappeared.
Eda was looking forward to this dinner for weeks. Ever since they found out that cancer was gone, Eda had planned this romantic dinner for both of them, so they could finally celebrate and have some intimate time together. They needed it. After months and months of hard treatments, chemotherapies, many broken plates, glasses and vases, after many yelling and tears, he finally healed and he was healthy again. The day they found out that the cancer was gone, that was the happiest day in her life.
Every day she thought that the next day will be better, the next day they won’t argue, the next day  won’t be finished in tears. She knew Serkan was in pain, he had it worst, so she stuck by him through all his harsh words, hurtful actions and prayed for better days.
She was so thankful to God, universe and stars for curing him. And she was so excited for happy days that were coming for both of them. Everybody knew how much they deserved to be happy and at peace. She thought thing would be like before, that they would get married and have children and finally have their happily ever after. But something changed. Serkan changed.
She tried to talk to him about their future, about getting married and having children, but Serkan was so dismissive about it that Eda quickly gave up talking about it. But that was not the worst of it. He was being so cold and distant to Eda. Few weeks past since finding that Serkan was cured. And Eda wasn’t happy. Serkan spent days and nights in the office, often not even going home to change.
One day, they had lunch with Aydan in the garden. She mentioned having grandchildren soon, but Serkan angrily shut it down, bringing Eda once again to tears. She couldn’t hear his words anymore, so she left the table and went back to the house. Serkan came back after few minutes and apologized briefly, but all Eda could hear is his empty words. But it was okay. She loved him. She loved him so much. She could wait for him to change his mind. Because if he doesn’t change…she was afraid of it…She wanted children so much, she wanted a big family, that she hoped Serkan would want that again. Maybe in a year or two…She could wait. God knew that she could wait.
So despite all of it, she still planned the dinner. She cooked his favorite dishes, wore his favorite dress and texted him earlier that day to come home at 8 pm sharp. He promised that he would be there, and now here she was. It was 11 pm now, with cold food and extinguished candles.
She tried to understand Serkan. She really did. He went through a hard time, and he survived. He needs time to go through it mentally. But pushing her away, not caring about her feelings, or their relationship…Just work, work and work. Robot Bolat is back and looks like he is gonna stay for good.
Her phone let a sound and Eda looked at it to see a new message from Serkan and opened it.
“ Something came at the work, go to sleep, I will come late.”
Eda felt desperate, frustrated and lonely. She felt tears once again filling her eyes and she stood up and left the dining room. She showered, let the tears flow along her cheeks. After the shower, she put on her pajamas and went to her bad mentally exhausted. She was tired. Tired, sad, lonely and unhappy. She soon fell asleep and dreamt about happier days.

It was around 2 in the morning when Serkan left the office and came to his house. He was tired, mentally and physically, and he couldn’t wait to go to his bed and sleep with Eda.
He walked across the hall and stopped himself when he saw the table in the dinning room. Food, his favorite noticed when he got closer to it, was on the plates and the bottle of wine stand in the middle. A bunch of candles were laid on the table, and he noticed that they were all burned out. She waited for him…He promised he would come and she waited for him for hours. Serkan felt like a shit. After all she went through because of him, he still succeeds in disappointing her. He couldn’t do even one right thing!
He sighed deeply and went to their bedroom. He saw her sleeping on their bed and all Serkan could think is that he didn’t deserve her. After everything they went through, she was still there, and Serkan behaved like an asshole. But he couldn’t help himself. He was scared! What if cancer appears again and this time, succeeds in killing him and leaving her alone. He couldn’t even imagine it. And the doctor saying he couldn’t even have children anymore…He knew how much Eda wanted them and he knew she would leave him if she knew that. And that, that he wouldn’t survive. If Eda left him…That would kill him. Eda leaving him is his worst fear. He doesn’t know what would he do if Eda left him…He hoped he would never find that.
He went for a quick shower and went to lay next to Eda in bed. He was staring at her for a long time and whispered his apology.
“I am sorry baby. I love you so much. I don’t deserve you.”
After that, he fell asleep, not knowing that Eda heard him.
Eda’s eyes once again burned from unreleased tears and waited for few minutes to be sure Serkan was asleep. After that, she slowly got out of a bed, exited the room and went to living room. She lied down on the couch, placed a blanket on herself and after few minutes, fell asleep.
Serkan’s alarm ringed and he opened his eyes slowly. He turned it off and noticed that Eda was gone, which was weird because he usually wakes first and spent next minutes in waking her. He stood up and knocked on the door of bathroom.
“Eda?”
He didn’t hear anything so he opened the door and saw that it was empty. He was confused, so he left the bathroom and walked down the stairs. Serkan walked towards the living room and saw her sleeping on the couch. He probably waked her last night, and when he fell asleep, she snuck out and slept here. The fact that she preferred sleeping on the couch rather then sleeping with him, it broke his heart. His eyes burned, but he didn’t want to cry, so he quickly dressed up and left the house without waking her.
“Why am I such an asshole?” he asked himself while driving towards Art life.
Soon after he left, Eda woke up and realized Serkan already left. So, he probably saw her there and that fact made her feel guilty. But nevertheless, she showered and dressed up and left for another torturous day.
“Good morning” Eda said to Leyla.
“Good morning Edacim.” “Serkan is in the conference room.”
“Tell him that I will be in his office upstairs” Eda said to Leyla and went there, leaving confused Leyla behind.
“Leyla!” she heard Serkan’s voice and she hurriedly went to him
“Evet, Serkan bey?”
“Did Eda come?”
“Uhmm, yes Serkan bey. She told me to tell you that she will be in your office today.”
Serkan smiled, but for Leyla, it was a sad smile, a smile of a tired and miserable man. A bitter smile.”
“Okay, you can go.”
He was losing her. Serkan knew it. But the worst thing was, he didn’t know how to stop it.

Eda was working on her project all day, but she felt miserable. She missed Serkan so much. He was there, but he was so far away. She missed his touch, his kisses, his smell. But she couldn’t leave him. Even through she is miserable, she still loved him deeply. Being unhappy with him is still better than being without him at all.
Someone knocked on the door and Eda yelled to come in. She saw Leyla entering with a beautiful bouquet in her hands.
“It’s for you Edacim” she smiled and put the flowers on the table.
“From who?”
“I don’t know” she said mysteriously. “A secret admirer probably” she winked and left the room.
Eda examined the flowers and saw a note attached between the roses.
“I am sorry, güzelim. I love you so much” it was written on the note when she opened it. Eda despite herself, smiled a little.
“What am I going to do with you” she said at loud a sighed deeply.
“You can start with forgiving me” a voice came from the door and Eda looked up to see Serkan leaning on the door.
“Serkan.”
Serkan took a few steps and he was in front of her.
“ I am sorry. For everything” Serkan said as he caressed her face with his hands.
“I don’t deserve you” he said sadly and Eda leaned in his touch. Oh, how much she missed it.
“Don’t say that” Eda said and she pulled him into a hug.
“But it’s the truth. I don’t know what is wrong with me. The one thing I know is that I don’t want to lose you.”
“You will never lose me Serkan. I am right here baby. I miss you.”
“I miss you too, so much” Serkan sobbed in her hair.  He moved away a little from her and looked at her teary eyes. He mentally kicked himself because all he does is hurting her. He hates himself for that.
“I am so sorry” he apologized again and Eda raised on her fingers and kissed Serkan deeply. They both sighed in relief and their mouths danced in a familiar tune. They kissed and kisses, clinging on each other, and Eda hoped that is a start of their happy life.
But it wasn’t.

Eda came to Serkan’s office in their home and stood behind him. She put her hands around his neck and gently kissed him on the neck.
“Aşkim, it’s late, let’s go to the bed” Eda hummed as she continued to kiss his neck.
“I am working Eda” he said blandly as he continued to type on his work.
“But I miss you” she said pouty and Eda slipped her hands down his chest, towards his crotch.
“Eda” he warned her but she didn’t stop.
“You can continue with your work tomorrow; you are almost finished anyway. We haven’t had fun in so long” she purred in his ear. “I need you” she said as she touched his cock.
“Damn it Eda, I can’t stop working just because you are little horny. Just go to bed already.”
Eda stopped touching and looked at him like he slapped her. Then she turned and left his office without a word.

“Eda?” she heard him calling as she sat in front of her vanity, putting red rouge on her lips.
Serkan appeared in their bedroom and looked at her.
“You are here early” she said as she examined herself in the mirror.
“Yeah, I finished with work earlier. Are you going somewhere?” he asked her as his eyes went up and down her body.
She was wearing short red, sleeveless satin dress that emphasized her curves and her long legs.
“Yes, I am going out with Melo and Ceren.”
She stood up and sat down at bed to put on her heels.
“Oh, that is great. I was hoping we could watch some movie or something, I bought popcorns” he said as he watched her every move.
“I am sorry, but we have agreed to have our girls night weeks ago. I can’t just cancel it. But raincheck for some other time?” she asked him as she took her purse and bypassed him to exit the room.
“You look beautiful” he said as he followed her down the stairs.
“Thank you” she said as she turned towards him.
“Don’t wait for me” she said and Serkan put his hand on her waist and he lowered his head to kiss her on the lips.
Eda turned her head slightly and his lips went to her cheek.
He looked at her confusingly and she smiled apologetic.
“Sorry, I don’t want to ruin my lipstick” she said and squired away from him.
“Have a good night” she said as she walked out of the house.
“You too” he said but she already left. He stood there for a long time, thinking about what happened. In the past, he always ruined her lipstick and she didn’t mind it. And now, she does. Now, his lover is avoiding his kisses. He smiled bitterly and went to his office to work and forget about his pain.

It was three in the morning, and Eda still didn’t come. He was restless, getting worried as time passed. He couldn’t sleep without Eda, so he decided to wait on her. He texted her a couple of times but he didn’t get any answer. He considered calling her when in that moment his phone rang. He saw Melo’s name on the caller ID and he immediately felt anxious.
“Melo, is everything alright? Where is Eda?” he asked her without greeting her.
“Uhm, Serkan, we have a bit of a situation. Eda is drunk and…we need you to pick her up” she said and Serkan instantly went to grab his keys.
“Where are you?”

Serkan entered the club and his eyes searched around for Eda. When he saw her, he immediately went stiff. Eda was dancing on a table, not very good since she was drunk, while Melo and Ceren and other men were around her table. Melo and Ceren tried to set her down on a ground but Eda refused.
Serkan saw red as he saw other men looking admiringly at her and he immediately went to them. He grabbed her by her waist and put her on the ground.
“Heyy” she exclaimed angrily, and her eyes expanded when she saw Serkan in front of her.
He ignored her and turned towards the girls. “Do you two need a ride?” he asked and they said that Ferit is going to pick them up.
He tossed her over his shoulders and exited the club.
They entered the house and Eda, as much as a drunk person can, ran towards the bathroom and puked everything she ate that day. Serkan held her hair and helped her clean up.
He went to take off her dress but she moved away from him.
“I can do it by myself. I don’t need your help” she said as she struggled with zipping down her dress.
“Clearly you don’t need” he said ironically and helped her change.
Eda suddenly felt dizzy and only Serkan’s arms stopped her from falling down.
“Why did you do this to yourself?” he asked her angrily as he carried her to bed. “ Because I am tired, Serkan” she answered quietly as she closed her eyes.
“Tired of what?”
But he didn’t hear the answer, because she fell asleep.
He laid down next to her, knowing that the fight will come in the morning.

Next morning, Eda woke up feeling awful with the worst headache she ever had. She groaned loudly as she slowly sat up in the bed.
“Here, take this” Serkan showed in front of her with a glass of water and a pill. She took it and thanked him and laid down again.
After ten minutes, she felt better and sat up again.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked her as he sat on a corner of the bed with an expression she couldn’t quite read.
“Yeah” she said and stoop up to go to the bathroom.
“Can you tell me what the hell happened last night?” he asked her as he towered against her.
“I got drunk, so what?” Eda answered defensively, as the flashes of last night appeared slowly in her mind.
“So what? So, we will just ignore you acting like you didn’t dance on a table surrounded with men like a fucking whore? I can’t belie-  SLAP.
Eda’s eyes flashed and she couldn’t stop herself after hearing those words from his mouth.
He just looked at her, blinded by anger and jealousy, while Eda stood her ground.
“Maybe I wouldn’t act like a ‘whore’, if I had a man back home who loved me” she simply said that and left the room, leaving shocked Serkan behind.
They fought all morning that day, until Serkan left and closed the door harshly, leaving crying Eda on the floor.
Since that day, they rarely fought. Manly because Serkan was never home. He traveled wherever he could, and when he didn’t do that, then he would be in his office in Art life.
Eda waited, still waited for better days, as she looked at him while he was sleeping in their bed, thinking how he was now to her more a stranger, than a lover.

One evening, they were in a restaurant with Piril and Engin, who wanted to celebrate the news to them, they were having a baby boy.
Piril and Eda sat at one side, while Engin and Serkan sat opposite of them. Everything went smoothly, till the song came from a radio, and verses of that song hit hard at both Eda and Serkan.
“I’m sorry, it feels like we’re through
I look into your eyes and see it too
My love was there and know it’s lost
Through the pain we’ll count the cost
I don’t wanna love anymore”
If love is you
Eda looked at Serkan in that moment and she met his gaze, verses speaking what they never could.

“I’m sorry, it feels like we’re through
Look into my eyes, you’ll see it too
Our love was good but now it’s gone
Through the pain we’ll carry on”

Both of their hearts hurt. Neither of them thought they would end up like this. But still, they loved each other so much…The pain is worth it. The pain is worth it if they still have each other. Despite the distance that seemingly appeared between both of them. It can’t be over. It’s still worth fighting. Their love is still worth fighting for.
The song finally finished and they continued with the dinner and conversation. They were silent on their way to home. Once they entered the house, they looked at each other. Longingly. They loiked and looked, until both of them gave up and rushed to each other’s arms. They kissed, like they were kissing the first time. They teared each other’s clothes, like tomorrow didn’t exist. They made love, like it was their last time, and they both didn’t know that then, but it was their last time.
One day, they were both at home. He was working while she was on her phone. An add appeared on Eda’s phone, from an airplane company, who offered cheaper tickets to Paris.
Eda immediately wanted to buy them, to go to a vacation with Serkan and forget all about their problems. So, she started the conversation.
“Serkan?”
“Mmh.”
“What do you think that we go somewhere. On a vacation. You worked so hard these past weeks; you deserve a little break. We could go to Paris; you know we always wanted to go there. What do you think?” Eda asked him with hope in her voice.
“I am busy right now, Eda. We have to finish this project. You know how important this project is for us.”
“I know but we could go there after this project. For few days, it’s not too much time.”
“I have another project coming this way, after finishing this one. We don’t have a time for Paris.”
“But, if you just take a little break from work, we could-
“DAMN IT EDA!” he yelled and startled Eda.
“I have always been like this. My work was always on the first place, and still is now. Don’t bother to change that just because you succeeded at that once. I will always be like this, and if you don’t like it, there is the door!” he slammed his laptop and left the house, slamming the door with a bang.
And that was it for Eda. This was her breaking point. She promised herself that this was the last time she cried because of Serkan. That was it. She went to her bedroom to look for her suitcases.

Later that evening, Serkan came back to the house. He regretted every single word that escaped from his stupid mouth, so he immediately went to airport and bought two tickets for Paris. He hoped she would forgive another mistake from his side. He opened the door and he saw that house was in dark. He switched the light, and walked into the living room.
“Eda?” he called but he only saw Sirius laying near the table, whining.
“What’s the matter boy? Where is your mother?” Serkan asked while approaching him, and he noticed something on the table.
There were two things on that table.
First thing was a document where Eda sold all her shares to Serkan.
The second thing was her flower ring.
Serkan panicked instantly as he picked up his phone and called Eda.
“We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.
“Fucking hell” he swore as he threw his phone on the ground.
He ran through the stairs and entered the bedroom.
He opened the closet and saw half of it empty. There was not a single thing od Eda’s clothes in that closet.
Serkan closed his eyes as pain cruised through his body. He sat at a corner of a bed and watched emptily at the half empty closet.
Eda left him. Not that he blamed her. He was alone once again.
“Eda” he said softly, as he started to cry.
Sirius came to him and Serkan watched him with tearful eyes.
“I guess it’s just you and I once more. Your anne left us.”
Sirius whined and Serkan cried.

Tough night for the Bolat boys….

Author's note:

Thought I would try with oneshots, because I bave so many ideas!
Let me know what you think!

xoxo