„Years and years of friendship, and it all ended with one stupid amnesia” was the main thought of a broody man, who was laying on his bed in the dark, feeling sorry for himself.
Before all of this mess, he really thought that he wouldn’t survive her rejection, that he was not in her mind 24/7, just like she was in his.
But now, that she didn’t even want his as a friend, or didn’t want him at all, he was laughing of the naivety he had just few months ago.
The basics of their relationship weren’t the deep feelings they had about each other
It was the friendship.
They went through all. Tears, fights, laughs, silly moments, teenage rebellious faze, they went through it all.
They were each other’s support. Each other’s shoulders to cry on. They were each other’s comfort; warn hugs and teasing smiles.
He would gladly go to hell for just one of her smiles.
Hell, there wasn’t a day where she didn’t cross his mind. She was in his mind all the time, every hour and every minute and every second belonged to her.
Even when he was with Selin, he would only talk about his best friend.
According to the science, one human body has around 30 trillion cells. The body replaces itself with a largely new set of cells every seven years.
Since Serkan was born to this day, not one single cell died without knowing about Eda’s touch.
Not a single one.
Every cell in his body, his heart, his mind, and his soul; it all belonged to hers. To Eda.
During the years together, Serkan didn’t know much, so he had to learn it, easy or hard way.
But he never had to learn how to love Eda, because that was the only thing he knew, ever since they were kids
Serkan loved Eda. He made peace with it a long time ago. He knew he will never love someone like he loved her.
But now, after she broke his heart multiply times in the last weeks, Serkan realized he had to learn one thing he thought he would never want to do it.
He had to learn how to ‘unlove’ Eda.
Serkan sighed and grabbed his phone, staring at the her picture on his lock screen.
He was staring at her adorable pink moustache and despite himself, he smiled.
How to forget someone who has an autograph on everything he owned? On everything he is?
Serkan’s hand fell desperately on his face and he found his cheeks wet.
He was crying. Again.
That’s how the night went, Serkan drowning himself in his tears and sobs, while Eda kept looking at the closed window, feeling strangely empty, well beside a panging beat of her ruptured heart
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The next morning, Eda woke up exhausted and drained. Completely covered in sweat. With a terrible headache.
She blinked a couple of times so that her eyes could get used to the reality.
Eda groaned loudly when the details of her dreams came to her head.
She was dreaming about Serkan.
In every dream she had last night, she was lost somewhere. In the forest, in another city, in the middle of nowhere.
She would try to escape, but never found a solution.
Just when she was getting desperate and anxious, she would see Serkan standing a few meters in front of her.
Eda would feel happy because she knew he would save her, so she always ran towards him, towards his arms.
He would be always so close for her to touch him, but when tried to do it, he would be in another place.
So, she tried to ran to him again.
With the same success.
No matter how much she ran, she couldn’t reach him.
After final desperate ran, she finally woke up, tired as hell, pressing her hand on her beating heart.
It was almost like her heart was telling her something.
She ran a tired hand over her face and sighed deeply.
When she woke up after her accident, she felt fine. Other than concussion and few broken ribs and twisted shoulder, she felt fine.
When she found out she had an amnesia, she didn’t feel anything. But by the end of her ‘first’ conversation with Serkan, her chest was hurting, and that pain was appearing more and more every single day
She was scared. Of that pain. Of the only one short memory that she gained back.
Isn’t it known, that when you fear something, you run away from it?
Serkan…
His handsome face that flinched far too many times from her words..
Serkan that bought her favorite flowers every single day when she was in hospital, and who accepted her request and waited in front of her room.
Serkan who sneaked in her room and begged to have his best friend back.
Serkan who covered her whole bed with the chocolate she loved, and welcomed her home.
Serkan who always looked at her with that kind of gaze, that made her guts twist, and her breath shortened.
Serkan who never pushed her, never made her feel guilty for not remembering him.
Serkan who always gave her a smile, after her one-word answers, who always tried to make her smile with his silly jokes.
And she didn’t even ask him about his feelings, about how he felt about all of this…
Eda felt a huge wave of guilt coming to crush her, and she decided that from this day, she will stop avoiding him.
Fear is for cowards anyway!
Since that fear came to haunt her dreams…
Eda decided to wait for him to knock on her door like he always does, and she will actually try to get to know him!
Even though, somewhere deep in her soul, something told her that she already knew him, that she gave her heart to him years ago.
After a long shower, Eda dressed herself and went to kitchen for a quick breakfast, waiting nervously for him.
Serkan would always come in the exactly same time, so ten minutes after that time passed, Eda got worried.
She nervously walked towards the window, to sneak a peek at his house, and her heart jumped when she saw him exiting his house.
But he didn’t turn to her house. He crossed a street and walked down the street, not giving even a single glance towards her.
Eda frowned while watching him leave and a deep feeling of distress disturbed her entire being.
She raised a hand towards her neck, looking for her locket instinctively, but her distress skyrocketed when she found nothing on it.
And then she got dizzy.
And then, another memory flashed in front of her.
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Young Eda was sitting on her bed, reading a book, until a knock woke her up.
She raised her head to see Serkan going through the window with ease, with a mischievous smile on his boyish face.
Eda raised an eyebrow while he walked towards her, with one hand hidden behind his back.
“Whatever you are up to, I am not interested” Eda said and went back to her book.
“Is that the way we are greeting each other for now on? I will begin to suspect that I am not wanted here” Serkan replied with a fake hurtful voice, the one that Eda knew way too good.
Eda grinned and placed her book on the nightstand and turned towards him.
“I am so sorry my majesty. How can I entertain you in my humble room?” Eda replied mockingly and even went to bow her head slightly, causing Serkan to snort.
“You are a dork.”
“Says the king of the dorks”
Serkan shifted nervously as his hand was itching to show her his gift.
“Well, that makes you a queen of the dorks, so as your king, I need to spoil you, so I got you this” Serkan said and placed a long velvet box in front on her.
Eda gasped and shifted her gaze from the box to him, and vice versa.
“What is it?”
“Open it” Serkan said and looked at her nervously, hoping she would like it.
Eda did just that, and her eyes were quickly filled with tears after she saw the locket she wanted for two years now.
“But…How?” Eda took the star locket in her hand and gently touched it, almost as it was made of the most expensive material.
“I knew you wanted that locket for a long time, so I collected money for some time, and wanted to surprise you with it. Do you like it?”
Instead of an answer, Eda jumped to his arms to hug him wholeheartedly, catching him by surprise.
Serkan after a few seconds pretended that she was suffocating him, faking a gasp, whispering ‘I can’t breathe’ causing Eda to let him go and hit his arm with her fist.
“This is the most thoughtful gift I ever had. Thank you, Serkan. I really love it.”
Serkan smiled as he stared at her cute face.
“More than you love me?”
Eda put a big toothy grin on her face. “I will never love anything or anyone as much as I love you.”
“Do you promise me, Eda Yildiz?”
“I promise you, Serkan Bolat.”
They shared quite a look, full of emotions that they couldn’t even understand in the moment.
Serkan felt the same light moves in his stomach whenever he was around her, so he broke their eye contact first.
“Look inside.”
Eda searched for a spot where the locket opens, and when she did, she was once again pleasantly surprised when she saw a photo when they were kids, their hands around each other and Serkan’s toothless grin stealing the show.
Eda smiled through her tears and hugged him again, his scent soothing her all-around-the-place emotions.
“Thank you. I don’t know what would I do without you.”
“Thankfully, you will never need to find that out” Serkan said and ordered her to turn around, so he could put the locket on her neck.
Eda did that and removed her hair, so Serkan gently placed it and locked it around her neck.
“Beautiful. It belongs quite right on you” Serkan said and admired it, and then looked at her, who was looking at him with a strange shine in her eyes.
“This is the symbol of our friendship. As long as it is on your neck, I would be beside you, no matter what. Do you agree?”
“Yes. But I think we need to seal the deal, to make it even more official”, Eda said while holding her gift in her hand.
“How can we seal the deal?”
Eda was silent for a while until she answered him, surprising both of them at the same time.
“It is simple. We will seal the deal by one kiss.”
Serkan’s eyes comically expended as he heard her answer.
Did he hear her correctly?
“A kiss? Eda I don’t think…”
“In the movies and the books, people are always saying that kissing is important, so people could get as close and intimate as they could. And there is nothing more important than our friendship. We need to do that so we can fulfill our promises. So we can know for sure that our friendship will never be broken. What do you say?”
Serkan played with his fingers nervously, suddenly a prospect of kissing Eda making him jumpy.
“Are you sure? Because I don’t want you to regret anything or to ruin our friendship-“
“How can you ruin it with just a little kiss?” Eda asked him, and realized that maybe he doesn’t want her to kiss him.
“I am sorry, I don’t want you to force you into something you clearly don’t want” Eda said and instantly felt like crying, embarrassing herself today was definetly not her plan for today.
Serkan shook his head. “No, I want it. I just want to make sure that you don’t regret-“
Eda interrupted him. “I wont regret and I am sure. Seal the deal, Serkan Bolat. Kiss me” Eda replied and slowly closed her eyes, her heart beating extremely fast.
She could feel him getting closer to her, feeling his breath on her face, her guts twisting in impossible knots.
And then it happened.
Serkan gently put his lips on hers, and the hearts of both almost high school students connected in a new, unfamiliar way, that even years later, will stay connected.
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Eda came back to harsh reality. She was leaning heavily on the back of the chair, while dizziness still played with her head and the heart.
She slowly sat on the floor with her hands on her face, sobbing.
“Serkan”, Eda groaned his name painfully, as she weakly laid on the floor while darkness consumed her.
Beside that sudden sharp pain in his chest while he was waiting for bus, Serkan’s day was just fine.
He thought he would avoid Eda all day, but it seems like she was doing that first.
She wasn’t in their classes, nor in the library or cafeteria. Hell, she wasn’t even with her friends.
Serkan got worried during the day, but after his inner voice snarky reminded him of her words from yesterday, so he decided not to call her and focus on his classes, but with no success.
She wouldn’t leave his head, no matter how much he wanted her gone.
After his day finally ended, he stood in front of her house, wanting to see if she was fine, but he thought he would make her uncomfortable again, so he just shook his head and entered his house, never feeling more exhausted than in that moment.
After dinner, Serkan entered his room and went immediately to the window, to check on her.
Eda was there, on her bed, looking more beautiful than ever with her braided hair, with a drawing set around her.
Serkan’s heart yearned to go to her, to hug her and just hold her for a minute.
“Is this your “I am giving up on her”, because you are not doing a very good job” that snarky voice mocked him again, so after one final longing gaze, he collapsed to his bed, asking himself what the fuck was wrong with him.
He fell asleep like that, with Eda in his thoughts, head, heart, body and soul.
Eda spent the day in her bed, in and out of consciousness.
Guilt, pain, regret and remorse, and much stronger emotions, were constantly visiting her, torturing her in reality and in her dreams.
Eda only gained two short memories back, but they affected her so much, she didn’t know if she will survive the rest of them.
That locket…
That locket meant so much to her, to Serkan, to their friendship, and she simply gave it away because she was afraid.
No wonder Serkan left the way he did, because he saw it in the box..
She was sure that he hated her now, and it was all her fault.
Eda decided to draw, to make her not to think about him.
But it was useless.
She looked at her drawing and saw a scene that she remembered this morning, Serkan putting the locket around her neck with huge grin on her face.
She sighed dramatically and laid on her bed, looking at a boy she drew.
“What are you doing to me, Serkan?”
Eda hugged the paper close to her heart and fell asleep, with his name on her lips.
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The next morning, Eda waited for Serkan and again, watched him leave without a single glance.
She knew she deserved this, so with a heavy sigh, Eda left the house, hoping they could talk in the university.
No such luck.
At the cafeteria, their gazes locked on each other for a brief second, but Serkan lowered his before Eda could even smile at him.
In the classrooms, Serkan sat as a far as he could from her. He often talked with the girl next to him, and Eda would always get a strange feeling in her gut, mixed with a sudden aggression she felt towards that girl.
One time, Eda was in the elevator, when the door opened and she saw Serkan in front of it, with one step already in the elevator.
He saw her, his face flinched and Serkan just turned around to take the stairs.
A hit after a hit after a hit.
After that, Eda went to the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror.
She noticed her red eyes, her tired features and the constant headache that was torturing her day and night.
“Who are you?” Eda asked herself.
Her heart whispered to her softly. “You are the person who you’re missing right now.”
But how can she miss a person, when there is barely anything there to miss?
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Serkan avoided her for two straight weeks.
And it was taking a toll on him.
He had thought that if he accepts their fate, if he lets go, than maybe he will start to move on from her.
But how can he move on, when everything around him reminded him of her?
He was surprised as hell when he saw a text message from Eda.
“Hey”
A simple three-letters-word made his heart beat faster, and the amount of emotions that cruised through him surprised him.
You never know how much you love someone, until the day that person becomes a stranger.
His fingers were in the air, itching to answer her, but far too many scars that he got from her stopped him, so he closed his phone and went to sleep, dreaming of better days.
Eda stared at her phone for a long time.
She didn’t know how she got the courage to text him, but she did, and now she regrets it.
The seen was mocking her on all the fields, and Eda let a bitter laugh.
Did she really expected that he would answer her?
Instead of having a huge self-pity party, Eda decided to look at their old conversations and pictures.
Half of hour later, Eda was a crying mess.
The level of carefreeness, happiness, humor, love, so much love, that she felt while reading it, surprised her.
Even through there was a huge gap that lasted a year without a text, Eda felt every word he said, every silly joke made her laugh, every picture of them made her feel.
There is one of them, in front of the stadium, with Serkan’s hand around her shoulders, while Eda’s was around his waist.
Serkan was wearing Galatarasaray’s jersey while Eda had Fenebahçe’s jersey on.
Huge smiles on both of their faces.
In the next one, Eda was laughing with a pointed finger at Serkan, while he stood there, looking funnily pissed.
One of them had Eda on Serkan’s back, clearly messing with each other.
Her phone had a lot of selfies between them, and in every single one of them, Eda had a huge smile on her face.
She was so happy, they were so happy.
And look where they were now.
And it was all Eda’s fault.
After a while, Eda closed her eyes to sleep, going into another restless dream, where the main actor was a stranger who wasn’t a stranger at all.
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Eda was in the cafeteria, looking for something to drink to erase her terrible headache that constantly bugged her.
She was looking at the options when one of them suddenly got her attention.
‘Caramel Macchiato’ was calling her, and judging by the fact that she hated caramel, Eda knew that this was Serkan’s favorite drink.
She decided to try her luck and bought one, and she left to the library, where he should come soon.
Eda was hesitant for a few seconds, not really sure if she should write anything on the cup, but today was her brave day, so she decided to put something on it.
After some thinking, she wrote it.
King of the Dorks
She knew it was kind of cheesy, but she needed to know it was from her, and that in fact, she remembered something.
Eda left it on his table and went towards her, waiting nervously for him.
Five minutes later, there he was!
Serkan frowned when he saw a cup of coffee on his table, so he picked it up and saw four words that didn’t make any sense!
But they did!
Serkan looked around and locked his gaze with Eda’s.
The world went silent when two of them looked at each other.
Eda could feel her headache magically disappear, and to think it just needed one look from his beautiful eyes.
Serkan didn’t dare to hope, to think that she maybe remembered something, that his favorite coffee meant something…
He left the cup on the table and exited the room, crushing every wish to run to her arms mercilessly.
Eda watched him leave with a gulp. She lowered down her head, begging her body to not start crying, failing miserably.
She deserved this, there was no denying.
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Serkan and Eda were both miserable and pathetically in love. Eda didn’t know how to apologize to Serkan, and Serkan didn’t know how to stay away from her anymore.
Why did he give up? If he claimed so strongly that he was in love with her?
Didn’t he tell her? No matter how hard it gets, you never give up on people you love.
With all the fear he felt, he was starting to think that he was a coward…
His thoughts, while he was in elevator, were interrupted by door opening, and he saw a tired looking Eda in front of it.
Eda saw him and hesitated for a few, before joining him.
She put a tiny smile on her face for him, and turned her back to him, pressing the last floor button.
His perfume and scent filled her entire body so Eda closed her eyes, enjoying even this kind of accident proximity.
Serkan was behind her, almost in reach to touch her, and he was fighting with his every sense to stay in his position, to not say any forbidden words.
As soon as Eda closed her eyes, strong headache appeared again, and with it, the dizziness.
She could sense that some flash of memory is trying to come to her, with some whispered words, pink cotton candy and ice skates, until she couldn’t take it anymore.
Her knees kneeled and if wasn’t for Serkan, she would fall on the floor.
“Eda!” Serkan panicked as she fell in his arms, looking at her frightfully.
The elevator door opened and Serkan left it with Eda in his arms, going towards the entrance of the building.
Eda started to wake up slowly, and as she sensed that she was safe in his arms, she clung to him like a baby koala would on its mother, like a kid that got hurt, and ran to its mother’s arms. Like a drug addict who can’t stop his addiction.
“Serkan” Eda whispered and nuzzled his neck, as her headache disappeared like a fog.
Serkan looked down at her, his heart yearning for her.
He didn’t remember the last time he looked at her properly. But, like usual, her beauty never failed to dazzle him.
Serkan sat at the bench inside the yard, while carrying Eda as gently as he could.
He put his hand on her face and fondly touched it, caressing her cheeks gently.
“Are you okay?”
Eda melted at his touch, craving it, so she leaned to his touch and closed her eyes, enjoying every single second of it.
“Eda?”
Eda opened her eyes to see worry in his eyes, but she saw so many other things.
She saw yearning, sadness, guilty, pain, happiness, and love. She saw so much love in his eyes.
Emotions that were so clearly in hers too.
“I miss you” Eda confessed, surprising the hell out of Serkan.
“You do?”
“I don’t know why, but currently, I feel like I am at home. You feel like home” Eda said and before she could change her mind, Eda closed her eyes and gently put her lips on his.
Author's note:
I don't know why, but I feel like my writing is getting worse and worse...
Anyways, one more chapter left before we say goodbye to my little babies, I just love them so much!
Happy New Year babes<3
With Love,
-Nina
YOU ARE READING
I hate you I love you-EdSer oneshots
FanfictionEdSer oneshots. Maybe even twoshots. Definitely not a story.
