I hate you I love you-EdSer oneshots

I'll Be Missing You 2

Before we start, can I please request that you don't copy my stories? It makes me feel said and honestly, somehow worthless. If you want, I can give you couple of ideas that I've thinking about for a few months, but still can't shape it.  Or at least, you mention me somewhere. Thank you.

Another thing, for a chapter 'Breathe', I got a comment that it was disgusting, and a lot of you hated it, and I knew that part 2 would get even worse comments, so I decided to not write it. Maybe I'l go back to it.

Thank you. Also I am sorry.

“This has to be a nightmare.”
“Any moment now and I will wake up in my bed, surrounded by the arms of a man I love so much.”
“Maybe I am in coma, and I am just waiting for a right time to wake up. He is probably waiting by my side in the hospital.”
“This has to be a nightmare.”

These were all comforting words that Eda continuously told herself, while sitting in the corner of dark mortuary and staring at her covered body in the middle of the room.

“This is not real.”
“Please, God, I am begging you. I am not ready to leave. I am not ready to die. I am not ready to say goodbye to Serkan. I don’t want to leave my family. Please. Please. Please.”

Despite her begging, despite her despair, despite her tears, despite her one hand on her belly, where just a couple of hours ago Eda heard strong beats of a tiny heart, despite every evil person that continued and will continue their immoral doings, Eda was still there.

Eda was still in the corner of a mortuary, with a wedding ring with Serkan Bolat’s name on her left hand, a hand that covered her baby that will never be born.

“Please”, Eda said with a tired voice, “let me wake up with my husband and our baby, please….”


Eda closed her eyes and played all of her memories with Serkan during their short marriage.


☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆



Their first dance as a husband and wife; just two of them on a dance floor, cheek to cheek, while Sinatra’s The Way You Look Tonight played in the background. Eda raised her head to look at her husband, and the amount of love she clearly saw in his eyes, the same amount in her eyes, shook her once again.

Serkan smiled as he looked at his bride, his wife.

“I love you”, he said. These three words are a way too simple to describe his love for her, but he has a lifetime to found new words, new actions, to spoil her with his love.

“I love you more”, she said and was absolutely sure that that was the truth.

“And I love you the most”, Serkan said and finished their little game with a soft kiss, a small promise for the future that will only be happy. Happiness that sounded a lot like a children’s laugh and dog’s bark, and smelled like a mix of both of their perfumes, and looked a lot like two big toothbrushes and a dozen of small ones in a single cup in the bathroom.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Eda Bolat.”


☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆



“Couple of years…”, Eda said, but there was no one here to hear. “The rest of our life in a couple of years…”
Eda stared down at her ring. “Are couple of years enough for you, Serkan? I have spent the rest of my life with you, but you have to spend the rest of your life without me…”

Melancholy slowly appeared in the room, around her body and around her.
Bitterness came next, mixing with the melancholy, mending themselves, quickly becoming friends, while another round of terrible loss attacked her, brutally knocking her on the ground.


“This has to be a nightmare.”
“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Eda Bolat.”
“This has to be a nightmare.”

Eda Bolat, nightmare, baby, Eda Bolat, nightmare, baby…..Eda repeated the same words again and again and again, until they all lost their meaning, until the door of the mortuary opened, until a skinny, old, white-haired coroner moved to the side and let a newly widower inside his workplace.



☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆



Eda felt like she was standing in the middle of a frozen lake. Ice seemed to be good enough for Eda to stand on it. She was confused, turning around, until she heard her name. From his mouth.
Serkan.

She turned her head and there he was. A couple of meters away. Eda let a relived sigh and took a step towards him.
She immediately heard the sound of breaking ice. Eda stopped. In a few seconds, Eda gazed towards the ice and then at Serkan, and then again at ice.
The cracks on the ice were thin, but visible. She heard Serkan calling her in a desperate voice, so she locked her gaze with his, and could clearly see pain in his eyes, grief on his face, misery in every breathe he takes.

Almost as she knew that her time had come, she let a pitiable “I am sorry”, before she fell in the freezing water.

Darkness.

Regret.

Pain.

☆☆


That imaginary scene went through her when the door opened and Serkan came to her vision.

Her husband.

Now a widower.


Serkan slowly entered the room with a robotic, static, frozen face. His eyes immediately fell on her covered body, and Eda’s heart that doesn’t beat, squeezed from pain.

Eda could still feel the kisses he placed on her body just a night before, every single one of them, the way he made her feel like she was the most loved woman in the universe.
Just last night, Eda was laying in their bed, covered safely in her husband’s arms, and now she was laying in the middle of the mortuary, while her husband was approaching to confirm her death.

Eda stood up.

Step by step, she approached the table, across him.

“Serkan?”, she called him, but he didn’t hear her. His eyes were fixated on her covered body.

Minutes passed, but for Eda, it felt like years.

And then, it happened.

Old coroner slowly pulled the sheet and revealed her face.

Eda didn’t want to see this.

One second, two seconds, three seconds…

One tiny muscular move on his face broke his mask. His fingers gently moved on her face, from her eyebrow, to her eyes, followed the curve of her nose towards her lips. His fingers were shaking.


“Open your eyes, Eda”, Serkan demented, with a just a tiny bit of tremor in his voice.

Eda closed her eyes, tears escaping, one by one, and more than ever wished that this was just a nightmare.

“Eda, open your eyes”, Serkan repeated, anguish in his voice coming cleaner.

“I can’t”, Eda said.

Silence.

“Baby, listen to me, you need to open your beautiful eyes, please”, Serkan begged, his voice shaking more and more.

Eda, the one across the table, the one he couldn’t see, swallowed a tiny bit of spit and a huge amount of pain.


“Eda, please”, his voice was now mixed with tears, “please, open your eyes.”

More silence.

“OPEN YOUR EYES EDA, OPEN YOUR GODDAMNED EYES!”, Serkan was screaming now.

“OPEN YOUR EYES. OPEN YOUR EYES. OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!!!”


He was in agony. Eda was in agony. Their both faces were covered in tears.

Eda still couldn’t open her eyes. Serkan was still screaming, yelling, hitting the foot the table.

There is no word in English dictionary that could describe the pain, the torment, the agony, the misery, that occupied that one room, occupied two people that loved each other too much.


If Eda was hurt by everything she heard in the last fifteen minutes, then Eda was simply shattered by his next word.

“Eda”, Serkan whispered in a tiny broken voice and he fell on his knees, holding his head while he lulled himself back and front.

Eda couldn’t take it anymore. She ran to him, sat right behind him and hugged him as strongly as she could, hoping he could somehow feel her.

He didn’t feel her.


“I am sorry, baby, I am so sorry.”


He didn’t hear her.


They stayed like that a while, Serkan’s crying and sobbing breaking every single cell inside her body.

After a while, the old man appeared in front of Serkan and placed a crumpled black and white photo in front of him.

“They found this beside her. I am truly sorry, Serkan Bey.”

The old man left them.

Serkan calmed himself enough to look at the photo.

Serkan focused on it. He focused on his baby.

The first and the last time he looked at his son.

Serkan glanced at his wife and then at his baby.

Serkan lost his pregnant wife.


He let a soul breaking cry that the entire city could heard.


Eda’s face was flinched in pain as she gazed at the ceiling and closed her eyes and hugged him harder.

“Please. Let this be a nightmare. Please.”

"Please."