I hate you I love you-EdSer oneshots

Something About Her

A/N: mini fic because I will never be free

Warning: Mentions of physical (mental) abuse

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Paralyzing fear slithered slowly through her body, making her unable to move, to fight, to escape.

It squeezed her tiny lungs, that were already struggling for air, and tip-toed towards her heart, where it waited to quietly slow its panicked beats.

Half an hour ago, she was throwing small rocks in the ocean and watched them sink, and now, she will probably join them too. Inch by inch, she fell deeper and ocean was slowly turning into a freezing hell.

It was supposed to be a fun family trip to the shore, to enjoy the last summer days, and it was fun until her father decided to teach her how to swim.

“Use your arms and legs like a frog”, Mustafa Yildiz told and showed her the moves before throwing her into the water.

She tried to remember that, she really did, but she was only a six-years-old kid who was terrified of the darkness, and now, darkness is only thing she knew.

In the farthest corner of her mind, Eda could still hear the melodious voice of her mother, sweet giggles from her baby sister and thunderous laugh from her father. He probably said one of his famous dad jokes, which only he found funny.

“Why are they not looking for me?”, a single thought made through her dazed mind, and she would be upset if she knew she was going to live.

But by the way her lungs were screaming, Eda knew she was going to die.

Her parents explained the concept of death when her granddad died couple of months ago, and in that moment, Eda thought about that “better place”.

Better place without her family, was that possible?

Eda felt weak, and she was on a verge of just giving up, when she heard his voice. “Open your eyes, Eda.”

She did it, painfully slow, and her heart broke when she saw nothing there. Just her, the vastness of blue ocean and the sunny surface that was moving away from her. Mortifying beautiful was the surrounding loneliness.

Before she could close her burning eyes for the last time, something suddenly grabbed her leg.

Pure terror went through her when her eyes locked on the same eyes of her baby sister. Eda screamed, filling her lungs with the water, and moved towards her, but the strong arms of her father’s stopped and pulled her towards the surface. Eda continued to scream for her sister, but she couldn’t do anything other than watch her get lost in the ocean’s floor. 

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Eda gasped as she jumped in her bathtub, her lungs dramatically taking the welcoming oxygen.

She didn’t know how long she was under water, but it took her several minutes to calm herself. When she finally did, she placed her head on the headrest and stared at the white ceiling.

“I am sorry, abla”, she whispered weakly, still hazed by the drugs she had taken before the bath.

Heavy silence was her answer to the apology. Emptiness inside her and the silence went great together, a growing predator that continued to stalk her, never letting her have a moment of piece.

Water in the tub had turned cold and Eda raised her hand to see her pruned fingers. She was there long enough.

She slowly stood up and got out of the tub, water wetting the white tills, and went towards the big mirror wall, where she watched her naked reflection.