Memories ~ Attack on Titan

Chapter Twelve

"DO YOU HAVE HEART?"
"SIR" we all shout throwing our fist to our chest.
"AT THIS TIME YOU HAVE 3 OPTIONS AVAILABLE TO YOU. THE GARRISON REGIMENT WHOS JOB IS TO MAINTAIN ORDER AND REINFORCE THE WALLS. THE SCOUT REGIMENT WHO RIDES OUT INTO TITAN LAND TO TAKE BACK WHAT IS OURS. AND THE MP REGIMENT MAINTAINING LAW AND ORDER UNDER THE KING. THOSE ABLE TO JOIN THE MP's HAVE ALREADY BEEN NAMED, LOOK, THESE ARE THE TOP OF YOUR CLASS."
10th place, Christa
9th place, Sasha
8th place, Marco
7th place, Jean
6th place, Eren
5th place, Annie
4th place, Bertolt
3rd place, Reiner
2nd place, Mikasa
1st place, Rin
We were all gathered in the dinner hall after the ceremony, I was standing with Eren, Armin and Mikasa. the others were asking us about what regiment we wanted to join and I spotted Jean sulking alone, "hey Rin, you still plan to join the scouts with your dad." Armin asked but I ignored him, "hold that thought Armin." I said leaving the group and heading for Jean, I snuck up behind him and hugged him from behind causing him to jump, "RIN?!" He yelled. I squeezed him tighter and leaned my face in front of his, "why are you sulking all alone? You got in the top 10, you should be happy! MP's here you come right?" I laughed trying to lighten the mood, but Jean didn't laugh, I let go of him and plopped down in the seat next to him. "Talk to me" I said with a soft smile, and his face loosened. "Rin. You don't get it do you?" He said standing up. I looked up at him, he started to walk out the door, "get what? You're Leaving?" I said confused as I ran after him. Once we got outside he stoped and faced me again."Rin, I need to tell you this, and you better not yell at me." He said looking down at his feet. I was silently hoping that this wasn't about to be any other person trying to get me to not join the scouts. He was silent for a moment before speaking again, still not looking at me, "Rin I like you more than anyone else, I don't want to be apart from you. I want to spend more time with you," he said now looking down at me, "I have these feelings for you, I want you to be with me. Rin I want you to join the MP's, and stay with me." My heart sank and my mouth felt dry.
No way was this boy asking me to abandon my family and run way with him.
And then I remember how I felt that night, and I started to feel sick.
I can't let this detract me, Jean isn't what's important, my future beyond the walls was. I was born for this, this was why I was brought to the scouts. Everyone who worked to prepare me, to help me and turn me into who I am today and who I need to be, I will not abandon them and I will not let their efforts go to waste, just to chase some superficial love. The answer is no.
I looked away from jean, coldness swelled in my pupils.
I moved my eyes back to Jeans.
"Jean. Our feelings for eachother are irrelevant. I'm joining the scouts." He tensed up, "Rin, think about this you were first in our class, you deserve a place in the MP's." I looked up at him, my grey eyes piercing into his own,"my family needs me Jean, everyone is expecting me."
"Rin don't do what everyone expects, do what you want. What your heart wants, don't you want me too?"
"This is what a want, this was what I wanted since I was 10. And this is what I'll always choose. Follow me or don't but I'm not straying from my destiny. It doesn't matter what we want, humanity needs me. My father needs me."
Jean took a step closer, now raising his voice entirely too loud.
"Rin if you die I will never forgive you damnit! I need you alive. do you think your father wants you out there to die? Your family would want you in the interior where you're safe not becoming Titan chow!"
"I've spent my whole life planing for this and I'm not changing my mind over some stupid feelings!"
I took a step back. Jean and I looked each other before I broke the eye contact, "Damn you if you think id just abandon my dreams for you."
Then I turned and walked back towards the girls dormitories, leaving Jean standing there feeling like a complete asshole.

I lay in bed unable to sleep. I kept thinking about Jean, And my dad. I remembered silently watching him during training.
I remembered training with him alone that night, and embarrassing him because he was never able to pass me.
Fuck. Why does it have to be like this. My mind won't let me sleep until I see him.
I threw the blankets off of myself and headed for boys dorm room.
I looked around for Jean. He was sleeping on a bottom bunk, thank god. I knelt down and started shaking him awake, "Jean." He rolled over, "what." He said groggy. I grabbed his hand and pulled him out of bed, "shh, come here."
He groaned as I pulled him outside into the cold night air.
He huffed "Rin? its cold, why are we out here." He complained still half asleep. I came close to him, so close that our bodies almost touched, this woke him up. "What are you-" he started before I grabbed his hand. "Calm down it's not what you think. Before I probably never see you again, i wanted to show you something."
I put his hand on my cheek and closed my eyes. "Jean would you just relax." I could tell he wasn't relaxed, his face was pink and I felt his hand shaking against my face. "Rin wait-" I interrupted  the memories that I wanted to replay. I hadn't done this is years.

——————Jean——————