Memories ~ Attack on Titan

Chapter Three

•Trigger warning ⚠️ mentions of self harm•

For two weeks Rin couldn't sleep, she woke up almost every night from the most awful dreams. After the day that it happened, when she walked back to the room she once shared with Isabel and saw all of Isabels things still exactly how they were, she cried. She tossed and turned in her bed every night. She couldn't eat. Everything made her feel sick. She stoped drawing, she didn't go outside and she barely left her room. Levi took notice of his daughter's behavior and after two weeks he decided it was enough.

Levi wouldn't say he was worried for his daughter, but he definitely didn't like her behavior since they died. He could overlook his feelings and stay on business But Rin was just a child.
Erwin approached Levi one day, 2 weeks after the expedition. Levi was walking back to his room, the sun was setting now and everyone had just finished dinner, except Rin who had skipped. "Levi." Erwins deep voice approached from behind. Levi stoped walking to let him catch up. He spoke again, "I think you should speak with Rin. She's trying to morn but she's only a child, she needs guidance and someone to tell her when enough is enough." Levi looked up at Erwin, annoyed that he was dare question his parenting."I don't need you to tell me how to raise my child,"Was all he said before leaving.

Levi knocked on Rin's door, she didn't answer. He called out to her through the wood, "hey kid, open up, now." He waited a moment but she didn't reply. "alright I'm coming in." He turned the knob and pushed the door open and surely enough there she was, laying on her bed facing the wall with the covers over her head. Levi walked over to her and knelt down by the bed, "hey, I know you're not asleep. Look at me when I'm talking to you." After a few seconds Rin sat up. She rubbed her eyes and looked over at her father, her eyes looked almost lifeless, like her soul left along with Farlan and Isabell. Her black hair was in tangles and she looked just awful. Levi let out a deep sighed, "Farlan and Isabel are dead. This is hard for everyone and you're not making it easier. So it's time to stop acting like this and get the hell up." Levi said in sharp tone. His daughter looked up into his eyes before quickly everting them. It gave him shivers, because all he saw was nothing.
He felt his jaw tighten, Rin was becoming more like him by the day, how was he supposed to deal with a mini, emotionally version of himself? "I'm sorry, dad. I just can't," She said in a monotone voice, he couldn't hear it but he watched as silent tears ran down her cheeks. Levi took a deep breath, "I know you miss them, but the world has moved on and you need to-"she cut him off with screaming, so much pain carried in her voice that Levi hardly recognized her, "NO, NO I DONT WANT TO MOVE ON! I WONT MOVE ON AND FORGET THEM." She yelled while more tears ran down her face, this time causing her to choke on them. Levi raised his voice as well, "Moving on doesn't mean forgetting them! People die everyday Rin. Farlan and Isabel aren't the first people to die and they sure as hell won't be the last. You're 10 years old damn it, start acting like it. In Five years you will go be a cadet, you need to be prepping yourself. You think a small frail girl like you will last a first day? You're only screwing yourself and everyone else over by Staying like this." Rin didn't respond, she just looked at the floor with emotionless eyes, After a minute levi spoke again, this time in a more quiet tone, "also, you're worrying the others, Erwin and Hange," She still didn't say anything. After accepting she was done and wasn't going to open up anymore, Levi got up and walked out of her room, he looking at his daughter one more time before leaving. Hoping that he made the right decision.

When her dad left the room she just sat there in silence. Thinking. She told her self it would never get better, she told herself that it would be wrong to move on, that they were too important to just get over. Her dad seemed to have no problem with it however. But she knew in her heart that couldn't be farther from the truth. Farlan was a brother to Levi. It was nearly impossible to spot, but Rin saw it. The slightest crack in her father's shell, the slightest twinkle in her eye since they died. But he never faltered, never cried or screamed. Unless you knew, you'd never guess.
She must have sat there for another hour before finally making up her mind. I sat up straight and put one foot after another on the cold hardwood. She stood and turned her head to look at herself in the mirror on the wall. Her long, black hair hung down her back in tangles, her white nightgown going just below her knees exposing boney legs, While the sleeve cuffed around her wrist loosely, her hands were thin and fingernails were so thin she could bend them with a finger. She looked at my face, hollow cheeks and sunken eyes.
She felt repulsed by her appearance, she closed her eyes and shook her head.
Enough is enough
She walked out of her room, her bare feet slowing patting down the stone hall. It was chilly tonight and Rin couldn't help but look at the moon through the small windows on the right side of the hall. It was late and she knew no one would be awake at this hour, except for them. She smiled when she thought of Hange. She felt like she hadn't seen them in forever. She changed course and headed for Hange's office.
She reached the door and could hear a lot of excited shouting and a worried Moblit. She stood there for a moment. For some reason she was nervous, scared even, to go inside. She pushed those feelings aside and let herself into the room. When she opened the door and peeked her head in the room went silent. She awkwardly looked at the two wondering if she made a mistake, and suddenly Hange's face lit up as she tackle hugged the girl and yelled, "RIN IS BACK!" Moblit waved his hands towards them and shouted "careful section commander you might hurt her!" Rin giggled and hugged them back.
This world was starting to feel like home again.