Memories ~ Attack on Titan

Chapter Three

•Trigger warning  ⚠️ mentions of self harm•

For two weeks Rin could hardly sleep. She awoke almost every night from horrible nightmares. After that day her once cozy room felt like a shell, an empty husk filled with loss. Whenever she would walk back into the room she once shared with Isabel, and she looked at all of Isabels things still exactly how they had been left, she felt a lump in her throat. She tossed and turned in her bed every night. Everything she ate made her sick. Her hobbies suddenly felt empty, meaningless, she found no more joy in the things that brought her the most. Levi took notice of his daughter's behavior, the only way he knew how to describe the way he felt, was that he was really pissed off.
Levi wouldn't say he was worried, he wasn't ever really a concerned father. He just needed her to learn how to pull it together, if she acts like this every time someone dies she'll never be a soldier, she'll die on her first expedition.
Levi was walking back to his room, thinking about Rin, the sun was setting now, the sky imitating a purple and pink hue across the stone path. "Levi." Erwins deep voice echoed from behind. Levi scoffed but stoped to let him catch up. Erwin continued, "what are you going to do about Rin? You need to guide her, talk to her." Levi shot Erwin a glare sharper than broken glass."I don't need you to tell me how to raise my child," Levi scoffed before leaving. Erwin couldn't help but wonder, if Levi knew how special his daughter might be.

Levi knocked on Rin's door. Silence. He knocked louder. Still silence. Levi huffed in annoyance, how dare she ignore him he thought, he called out to her through the wood, "open up, now." He waited a moment but no reply. "alright I'm coming in." He turned the knob and pushed the door open.  surely enough there she was, laying on her bed facing the wall. Her red blanked pulled over her head. Levi walked over to her and knelt down by the bed, "Look at me when I'm talking to you." The pair sat in silence for a moment before a small huff left the young girls lips. Rin sat up, blanked hanging over her shoulders. She rubbed her eyes and looked over at her father,lifeless, like she had died with them that day. Her black hair was in tangles, she looked awful. She was depressed, no denying that. But Levi wasn't willing to accept that. He let out a deep sighed, "Farlan and Isabel are dead. This is hard for everyone and you're not making it easier. So it's time to stop acting like this and get the hell up." Levi said in sharp tone. Rin looked up into his eyes, dead, he felt like he saw straight through her. It was beyond sadness, beyond depression. As soon as she looked, she quickly everted her gaze. It gave him shivers, levitating thought he was untouchable, like nothing could shake him. But he was wrong.
He felt his jaw tighten, Rin was becoming more like him by the day, and he hated it. The girl who was once so curious, so adventurous and kind, was gone. "I'm sorry, dad. I don't know how," She said in a monotone voice, she didn't cry, or even move. Levi took a deep breath, trying to figure out how he'd like to be approached in this situation. Despite everything, he didn't know how to comfort her. "I know you miss them, but the world has moved on and you need to-"she cut him off, he felt anger rise in his chest as she unleashed weeks of built up pain onto him, "NO, NO I DONT WANT TO MOVE ON! I WONT MOVE ON AND FORGET THEM." She yelled while tears suddenly begun to ran down her face. Levi was never good at controlling his anger, he rolled his eyes before matching her raised voice, "Moving on doesn't mean forgetting! People die everyday Rin. Farlan and Isabel aren't the first people to die and they won't be the last. You're 10 years old damn it, start acting like it. In Five years you will go be a cadet, you need to be prepping yourself. You think a small frail girl like you will last a day? You're weak! If you stay like this, then you're saying that Isabell and Farlan's deaths meant nothing, that they died in vain. Is that what you want?" Rin stared at her father with glossy eyes, as he looked back he could see everything she was holding back, so many thoughts and emotions swirled in her grey orbs.  Levi sighed, feeling the slightest of guilt for raising his voice. "also, you're worrying the others, Erwin and Hange miss you." She looked away, staring at the blankets with an expression impossible to read. Levi was forced to accept that she was done and nothing he could say would make her open up. Frustrated, Levi got up and walked out of the room, slamming the door harder than he intended too. He loved her, he only wanted what was best for her.
Even after the departure of her father she stayed, unmoving. She told herself it would never get better, her life would never be the same. Her dad seemed to have no problem with moving on however. He acted as though they never existed, But she knew in her heart he was grieving too. But he never faltered, never cried or screamed.
She must have sat there for another hour before finally making up her mind. She sat up straight and put one foot after another on the cold stone tile. She stood and turned her head to look at herself in the mirror on the wall. Her long, black hair hung down her back in tangles, her white nightgown going just below her knees exposing boney legs, While the sleeve cuffed around her wrist loosely, her hands were thin and fingernails were so thin she was in fear of them breaking. She looked at her face, hollow cheeks and sunken eyes. She felt repulsed by her appearance, she closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths.
Goodbye Farlan, Isabell.
She walked out of her room, her bare feet slowing patting down the stone hall. It was chilly tonight. Rin stoped for a moment to admire the moon through one of the stone windows. It was late and she knew no one would be awake at this hour, except for Hange. She changed course and headed for Hange's office.
She reached the door and pressed her ear to it, Moblit yelling was the first thing she heard, and that made her giggle. She stood there for a moment. For some reason she was nervous, scared even to go inside. She pushed those feelings aside and let herself into the room. She awkwardly looked at the two wondering if she made a mistake, suddenly Hange's face lit up as she tackled the girl, yelling, "RIN IS BACK!" Moblit waved his hands frantically towards thw pair and shouted "careful section commander you might hurt her!" Rin couldn't help but smile.
This world was starting to feel like home again.