Memories ~ Attack on Titan

Chapter thirty two

My mind was blank. Nothing but hatred and anger filled my mind. I hardly noticed when the scouts leaped back into action until I felt the tower start rocking again. I stood near the edge staring at the beast.
I'll kill you. You ugly bastard. I'll destroy your body, I'll cut your limbs from your body and gut you. Damn you. Damn you. Damn you.
"Rin. Step back it's dangerous." Reiner tried ti talk me down but I ignored him. I watched the scouts, mostly Glegar and Nanaba as they cut down Titan after Titan. I felt jealous, angry even. I wanted, no needed to be out there. Nanaba was swarmed, Glegar was no where in sight and their were to many for her to take on her own.
"NANABA," I screamed as i watched the woman in front of me get held down by titans. I remembered tho, I still had the blade. I pulled it out of my pocket and gripped the handle. I looked I ever the edge before taking a few steps back.
If I run, I can jump onto one of the titans. That'll lure them close. Standing near the nape I can easily cut it open, and being on top of one of the taller titans poses as an advantage, it'll lure the others in. I might not make it but. Standing on one of the titans as it falls i should be able to roll into one of the open windows.
I charged forward and stepped onto the stone railing. I felt my feet lift off of the railing as I jumped down but I felt a force around my waist pulling my back. I thrashed and kicked the man behind me. "LET ME GO DAMN YOU. REINER HOW COULD YOU YOU FUCKING BASTARD." I screamed as I fought against Reiners grip. "NANABA." I screeched as i watched the woman get ripped apart. I screamed and kicked and thrashed around, it took Connie, Bertolt and Reiner to hold me down. Then it went quiet. The 3 let me go and I collapsed to the floor.
I'm so tired
Connie broke the silence, "damnit what now? We sit here waiting for the tower to collapse and get eaten alive? That's it, there's nothing else we can do? This is such bull shit. We'll be killed instantly."
I was a bit surprised when I heard the voice of Christa, "no. This isn't over. Rin had the right idea, if I had a weapon I'd go down fighting myself. At least she wanted to be worthy of the people who died for us." Ymir interrupted her, "Christa please. Enough with this crap already. Don't use their deaths as an excuse. They didn't sacrifice themselves so people like you and Rin can go out in glory. They didn't die so you can fulfill some fantasy about going out in a blaze of glory."
Damn. That's really how they see it huh? I don't give a damn about glory, I'm tired of losing people.
"Ymir! You know that's not what I meant!"
"And you know damn-well you're not like Connie or Rin or any of the others! They wanted in this to give humanity a fighting chance. Deep down all you care about is having the word hero carved on your grave."
"That's- that's not true at all."
"Rin. Where's that knife you had?"
I looked up at Ymir with squinted eyes. "Why?"
"Just give it here, please." I held the knife in my hand, flipping it so I was now holding the blade. "It's not like i have much use for it now anyway," I said dully handing Ymir the knife. She grabbed the knife and patted my head, "you're very sweet thanks." I pushed her hand off, "shut up, what the hell do you need it for anyway," I said getting annoyed with her constant shenanigans. Ymir looked at the knife, "hm. Not much. I'm uh- I'm just gonna give 'em a little hell." I smiled a little, happy that someone had a plan. Bertolt and Reiner both looked shocked, "okay then, do you have a plan?" Ymir turned to look at the two boys, "if I do, we'll figure it out together."
"Ymir."
"Christa. Listen to me. I realize you've probably forgotten. But, since this is the end try to think back. Remember that oath we made on the snowy mountain. I have no right telling you how to live your life. That's not my place. So I guess when it comes down to it, this is more of a hope. Christa, live a life you can be proud of."
I couldn't help but think of him in that moment, it felt like it had been so long since I'd seen Jean. I promised him I'd protect him, I hope he's okay.
Ymir stood by the edge of the tower, she charged and jumped off of the tower, slicing her hand open.
Ymir was a Titan.
"YMIR!" Christa screeched. She ran to the edge and I ran after her. The girl practically jumped over the edge after her. I grabbed Christas waist and held her back as she screamed. She held my are as we all watched in amazement and horror as Ymir in her Titan form ripped apart the other titans below.
"Somebody talk to me, tell me this is a dream."
"Ymir" Christa whispered under my arms.
"So I was right. Annie wasn't the only one," I said quietly, more to myself then to the others.
Reiner and Bertolt stood behind me. I heard them talking, so quietly is was practically a whisper,
"it was her that day."
"She was the one."
Ymir was running ramped. Christa was calming down so I loosened my grip but when the tower shook she fell. "Christa!" I yelled and Reiner and I both reached for her. Reiner grabbed her leg, catching her. "Thank you Reiner. Owe! Stop you're hurting me let go!" she cried as Reiner blanket stared at the scene in front of him. I pulled Christa out if his grip, "hey what the hell." I yelled. Connie also helped pull her up, "take it easy man," he said. We were both screaming at him to let go. I had enough and left Christa to Connie and delivered a hard punch across Riners face. He let go of Christa and looked at me stunned. The anger was clear on my face, "that's enough," was all I said before turning back to Christa. Christa fell to her knees and I dropped to mine to attend to her. Reiner begun apologizing immediately, "I'm so sorry! But tell me the truth, you had to have known about this. Ymir's a Titan, how could you not have known?" Christa looked back down to Ymir, "she never told me. We were inseparable. Yet I had no idea. I mean, how?"
Reiner believed her, I knew he did, "I'm not sure what to think, all this time she's been keeping it under wraps. We never suspected a damn thing."
Connie looked back at us, "is it possible she didn't know? Eren had no clue until he transformed. Then again, Ymir did say she had a plan."
I shook my head, "no idiot. Did you see the way she cut herself? She used the knife to cut her hand, Eren and Annie both transformed by self injury. She knew how to transform, plus Eren couldn't control his Titan body at first. Look at Ymir, she's in complete control." Christa looked at us now, she looked almost scared, "wait are you guys trying to say that Ymir is a threat?" Connie argued,"maybe, that's a hell of a thing to hide." Bertolt looked down at Ymir now, his face held a strange expression. It wasn't the usually anxiety he seemed to hold but a more dark expression, "for all we know, he could have been on their side all along." Christa looked disturbed and hurt. When Ymir started to lose to the titans Christa begun to panic again, "Ymir!"
"Whoa! What the hell is she doing?"
"Come in Youre kidding right? She's worried about the tower falling."
Christa calmed down now, "exactly. She didn't have to stay but she did. She could have chosen to escape. Nothings keeping her here, but still, she's fighting. She's doing it for us, she's risking her life for us." Christa continued to ramble about her relationship with Ymir before she suddenly stood on the tower wall. I pushed Connie out of the way and stood next to her, "hey Christa, what are you doing?" I asked, trying to calmly talk her down. Then she started screaming, "DONT YOU DIE ON ME! NOT IN A HOVEL LIKE THIS, DAMN YOU! YOU WANT TO BE THE HERO ALL OF THE SUDDEN? HA DONT MAKE ME LAUGH, HOPING TO GO OUT IN SOME BLAZE OF GLORY? ITS TOO LATE TO THINK ABOUT HEAVEN NOW! YOURE A SELFISH BITCH YOU KNOW THAT! YOULL DIE PROTECTING THIS STUPID TOWER! TEAR IT APART AND LIVE YOUR LIFE!" I grabbed onto Christa's legs to keep her from falling as she screamed. Suddenly Ymir was sent in a frenzy as she started tearing down the tower and destroying more titans.
"Brace yourself this is happening!"
"Yea! Atta girl!"
Suddenly Ymir was in our faces and in a distorted titans voice she said, "wanna live? Hold on tight." Christa grabbed my hand and pulled me into Ymir's head, we all held onto the titans hair as she jumped and the tower crumbled to pieces. Ymir dropped us all on the ground. A Titan suddenly appeared out of the rubble. "They- they aren't dead?"
Now Connie started to shout, I was getting tired of all Thai yelling, "hey ugly! You've got a job to finish!"
Ymir started fighting with the last of the titans, but they were starting to over power her. Suddenly more popped out of the rubble. "That's not good." They all swarmed Ymir, they were tearing her apart.
"Christa wait!" I yelled as she ran towards Ymir. "Ymir! Don't do this to me! We had a deal remember! Hold on! I still haven't told you my name! I promised you." I took off after Christa, running as fast as my legs and lungs would allow me. A titan came out of no where and cut Christa off. I ran and tackled her, pulling us out of the way. But at the same time, time I saw blood, the titans fell and I saw the flowing of a green cape.
"Christa. Rin. All of you, get back."
"Mikasa," I whispered. It felt like forever since I had seen the others. Seeing her made me wonder tho, was jean here too?
"It's okay. Let us take care of this," Mikasa demanded. Suddenly more green capes flew above us, cutting down titans left and right.
I watched at titans were falling left and right. Then I saw him, Eren. We all ran for him, "hey!" Connie yelled waving him over. I didn't stop running tho, When I reached Eren he pulled me into a tight hug, it was unexpected, but nice. "You're okay, you're all okay." He said softly.

The sun was now high in the sky. All the titans were down. It was finally quiet. It was finally over. I stood there between Eren and  Armin, we watched as Christa and Hange examined Ymir's body, I told them about Ymir. Armin seemed the most surprised, "so she's really, it cant be."
Everyone had started to leave formation, looking for horses so we could make the journey home. I looked around frantically for Jean, I needed to see him. That's when In the distance I saw his familiar figure. I bolted towards him. His back was turned to me but I kept running, suddenly I made contact with his back and I grabbed on, hugging him tight. Jean jumped and looked back, "what the hell!" Then he saw it was me, just me, he pulled away from my grip only to turn around and give me a rib breaking hug. I felt my eyes tear up as we hugged. "You're okay," I whispered. Jean scoffed, "of course I'm okay, I don't need you for everything Rin." I laughed at his humor and I felt his face turn into a smile. "Ride back with me? We didn't bring many extra horses so if it's okay with you we can uh-" I interrupted him, "yes please." We started to walk towards the horses. Our hands were so close they were almost touching, feeling bold I grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers. He looked at me surprised but I just looked ahead with a small content smile on my face. Of course I wasn't content, far from it, but it was nice to pretend and to be with Jean. Jean made me feel better some how, helped me not to think about everything.
I'm just glad it's over. We can finally relax. Tho relaxing allows thinking, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. I'm ready to see my father, and Erwin. I'm just glad this is over.