Memories ~ Attack on Titan

Chapter nine

I woke up early that morning. I sat next to Eren in the cafeteria. We chatted while we eat.
The day went by fast, we had combat training for most of the day. I didn't care much for combat training, i had been doing it basically my whole life so it was pretty boring. So I opted to stand with my back against the fence as I watched Eren get beat up by Annie. Suddenly i saw a set for feet walking towards me, "you slacking off?" Reiner asked in a mocking tone. I huffed, "you're one to talk, last time I checked I have the highest grades in our class. What were your grades again Reiner?" Reiner wrinkled his eyebrows at me before smiling. "Fair enough,"He laughed. I punched the boy in the arm, "ready to take me on yet?" I said playfully hoping they maybe he'd want to fight. Reiner laughed nervously, "let's go then Rin, me and you." A big smile spread onto my face as Reiner and I put out  fist up. In an instant I kicked his legs out from under him sending him hitting the ground hard. "Well that was easier then I thought It would be, you're pretty weak for a big guy you know that." I said standing over him proudly. Reiner looked up at the me defeated. I couldn't help but smiled at him. I reached my hand out to him and helped him up. "sorry Reiner, I just figured you had better reflexes," I laughed. Reiner just sighed and tiredly smiled down at me. Then I saw, several feet back Annie and Bertolt talking and staring at us. When then noticed my noticing them, Bertolt looked away quickly, but Annie looked me dead in the eyes.
"Line up cadets!"
The sound of the commanders voice broke us from our stare off.
What the hell is her problem? I know they all usually only talk to each other, is she jealous or something?

The sun was starting to set and I trudged up the small hill outside the dinning hall. Jean was already waiting for me. His posture was stiff and I could feel his nerves. Jean looked down at me with a smile but before he could say anything I looked him up and down.
This idiot.
"honestly Jean, you wanted me to come out here with you but you can't even tighten your straps correctly. The don't feel to loose?" Jean looked down at the me confused, "I guess a little, but that's not really important as long at they stay on." I grabbed the strap that went across his chest, he was going to fall out of these. I started to pull it tighter, pulling him closer as I did. Jean watched me with this most ridiculous blush on his cheeks. I finished and looked up at him, "better?" Jean got a bit flustered as he backed away from me,"yea, better, thanks." I could tell he was embarrassed.

The both of us zipped through the trees.
I reminded myself how much I didn't need this and how stupid Jean was. But as minutes turned into hours I felt my stiffness start to fade. If I wasn't trying to maintain it, to hold my tightness, I felt myself actually start to enjoy this. I lost myself in thoughts, how crazy it was that I was here with him. Suddenly Jean flew past me, his body getting dangerously close to mine as he moved. I felt my cheeks heat up.

No. No. Not him. Please not him.

Jean and I spent the next two hours racing through the trees and laughing before the both of us collapsed on the grass. The both of us lay on our backs and breath heavy while looking up at the night sky. The stars were so beautiful, this reminds me of back home, and how much I miss Petra.
"Hey Rin?"
"yea?"
"Was this okay? I mean, I had a good time..did you?"
"Yea."
I continued to look at the sky as we spoke, I felt relaxed and happy.
Jean turned his head to look at me, I probably looked so sweaty and gross but, it's not like I was trying to impress him. I looked over at him and He had some weird look on his face, like I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. We just stared into each other's eyes and my heart started to speed up.
No. Not Jean. No. Why is this happening? I have to stop this. Now.
I cleared my throat,"are you okay?" I asked. He was silent, until I sat up. I pushed off the ground and stood up in front of him. I held my hand out to the boy for him to take so I could help him stand. We walked back in silence.
When the we parted ways I lay in bed all night unable to sleep, i had this weird feeling in my stomach that i couldn't describe. I felt sick almost like i could throw up, and Jean was stuck in my head.
My bed even felt more uncomfortable than usual.

Why is this happening to me..