I've never been the one to fall in love, never really even thought about it actually. Maybe It's because I'm scared of people leaving me, or being vulnerable. But I guess I have my parents to blame for that.
When I was 6 years old my Mom just got up and left without an explanation, my dad was abusive and died of an overdose when I was 11. My friends all turned out to be backstabbers, so I never really trusted anyone after that.
That was until I met the Pogues.
They're like the family I never got to have.
I know they would never do anything to hurt me, But 'it's better to be safe than sorry' my mom always told me. That's why I never let my guard down, even around them.
JJ was the only one who truly understood me, after all his family history is a lot like mine. Mom left, abusive dad, sound familiar. JJ was in love with me, he's told me countless of times but I've never allowed myself to love him back.
Sure I'd act like a couple with him, we would kiss, cuddle, hook up, make out. But that's all it was to me, I could never let myself be happy. Because as soon as you let yourself live just a tiny bit, that's where it all goes wrong.
I walked out of John Bs chateau seeing JJ on the hammock by himself. It was almost midnight so I walked over to see what he was doing.
"Why are you out here so late?" I asked the boy who was staring out into the marsh. He turned his attention to me and focused his gorgeous blue eyes I to mine.
"Just thinking." He replied, moving himself over in the hammock so I could lay with him. I got in the hammock and cuddled into his side, he put his arm around me and drew circles on my shoulder with his thumb.
"Thinking about what." I asked putting my head on his chest and listening to his heart beat faster and faster.
"Why won't you let yourself be happy, I can tell you want to." JJ questioned me. I don't know what I was expecting him to say but it definitely wasn't that.
"JJ I-" I started talking but I wasn't really sure what I was going to say so I stopped. How do I tell him that I can't be happy without my world falling apart. It would just end up hurting both of us.
"I just don't understand, you act as if you can't trust us. What did we do?" It hurt me to know he thought this was his fault.
"It's not you. I just." You sighed "Everyone I have ever loved has left me. And whenever I become happy again something goes wrong and everything goes to shit. So I decided to just stop. Since then I haven't gotten hurt." I explained to him, starting to feel guilty because I know how much I mean to him.
"But what if it's different this time. You know we wouldn't do anything to hurt you like that. Kiara, Sarah, Pope, John B, they all think of you as a sister. And me? I've never felt this way about anyone in my entire life." I continued thinking about the countless times other people have said that to me and then left me.
I stayed silent not knowing what to say to him. He noticed I was getting uncomfortable and decided to drop the subject.
He kissed my head and looked back out into the marsh. And that's when I realized. There's only two ways I can take this.
Either do what I normally do, continue being numb to feelings and end up hurting the Pogues. Or tell them how I really feel and risk getting hurt again.
I looked up at JJ and then back out to the marsh.
'Shit'
I thought to myself.
"I love you."
Guess I decided to take the risk.
Sorry this ones kinda short, should I do a part two?
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JJ Maybank Imagines
Fanfiction✨mOlD iS gOoD fOr YoU iTs JuSt A nAtUrAl oRgAnIsM✨ ✨But you..Don't like freedom very much now do ya cupcake?✨ ✨bOnG wAtEr?✨ ✨what the fffff fu- fudggee✨ ✨straight up like the Spanish, just bon voyage!✨ Imagines of our favourite blonde, The one and o...
