My Way Home Is Through You (Frerard)

Chapter 6

"Bit late Frank." Alex chuckled as I slumped back into my usual seat on the staff room.

Coffee with Hannah was actually alright, she managed to knock some sense into my head, she could possibly even have been right, if she wasn't wrong. Wrong because what she said couldn't be true, how could it be true, everything was fact, I had given him the option to stay and the option to leave and he left. Therefore he didn't love me, fact. She tried to make me believe that he was just upset or worried, that he couldn't love you as much as he did and suddenly not. Even claiming she knew just how much he did love me and that she could see in his eyes that I was his everything, that therefore he still loved me.

I wanted so badly to believe she was right, I would love to know that he always had and in fact always would love me, even if it wasn't as much as I loved him. That however was hard, very hard, because why would he leave if he still loved me like he did yesterday. If he still felt that way then why wouldn't he just sleep on the couch and let us work it out, we always worked things out. Everything always turned out okay, because it was never a case of saving ourselves while the other held everything back, we saves each other and held them back together.

Now we were in pieces, like he was expecting me to fix it, that's what Hannah suggested, that I should fix it. What's so good about picking up the pieces? What if I didn't even want to. Wow, this was so fucked, but love isn't always fair, oh fuck that, love is never fair and I hate it. But I guess we learn from all this hate, maybe we would set our love on fire but recover and stitch our wounds. However now I was drowning, in everything, confusion, depression, stress, and no-one can save me now, or dive in when I'm done, I can't save me from myself, I don't want to drown. Maybe I blame Gerard, this was him, he was teaching me to drown, he was giving me drowning lessons, he was drowning me.

"Late really?" I replies sarcastically I should have tried to lighten my moos but that was also very hard.

He laughed at me before scanning the room, sitting next to me when he was sure we were alone. "What's wrong with Gerard?" He asked looking a little confused when I sighed. "He didn't seem aware you weren't here and he's been in a foal mood."

"W-what do you mean?" I mumbled I was buying myself time I didn't really want to explain the situation again or even think about it at all to be quite honest.

"He ignored everyone all morning and when I did manage to get him to talk to me and ask him why you weren't here, he just rolled his eyes and shrugged saying it was typical of you." He replies his eyes showing nothing but confusion.

"Oh, god, Uh, I-I don't know." I mumbled screwing my eyes shut, it was hard not to cry really, did he really say this was 'typical of me', I wasn't even skipping, I was finding out about our fucking kid, this is ridiculous. "Uh where is he?" I asked, I needed to talk to him now, it was still break time.

"Uh, his room I guess, but are you gu-"

"I have to go." I mumbled flashing him an apologetically smile - or attempt at a smile, I don't think I actually did smile, how could I really, what was there to smile about?

My head was absolutely racing, thoughts of every kind running through it, mostly about this baby and Gerard. Honestly I was so shocked that he would say not being here was 'typical of me', I have never skipped work ever, he of all people should know that, skipping school I did too much, but that's what made me realize my work was so important. Skipping school gave me a shitty education, so being a teacher meant I could help other kids to not make my mistakes, to not get a shitty education, to actually learn something. Forgetting all of that however, how could Gerard say something I never did, was typical of me, when he doesn't actually know I was doing that, had he not fucking left he would know I wasn't skipping, in fact te likelihood is that he would actually have been there too, he would've heard the news we were having baby together, we would've been happy, I wouldn't have been in tears worrying about his reaction.