My Way Home Is Through You (Frerard)

Chapter 21

"I don't fucking care." He screams at me, his voice ringing through my ears, it feels almost as if we are in a cave the way the words echo over and over, I wouldn't know, it's too dark. Suddenly the lights flick on, illuminating his face, staring right into mine as I stand just before the dining room table.

"Great, fucking fantastic." I sneer turning away from him, I hate when he's like this, it's worse and worse lately, just a shit ton of verbal abuse, to me and to Kyle. He's stressed, I know that, we all know that, I tried to help, I still am trying to help, but for helping I just get a shit load of his crap and it's not right. Just because he isn't feeling peachy doesn't mean he has to take it out on me, it was never ever like this before, but this was horrible and it was getting worse daily.

"Don't you get fucking sarcastic with me." He growls at me angrily, I had kind of hoped he wouldn't have heard me, but again I was wrong, apparently I'm wrong a lot, everything I do seems to be wrong now. Taking a deep breath and heading out of the dining room and into the lounge, I stop when he grabs my wrist tightly, making me flinch, I might be 27, but sometimes things just happen. Whipping my hand away from him, I find myself being yelled at angrily again, "Don't you walk away from me Frank! Who do you think you are?" He questions, not expecting an answer, I know he doesn't want one, the last thing I want is an argument - although he seems to be in love with those more than me lately - so answering him was an obvious no, no.

"Why don't you go finish the drawing you were doing, I will make you some coffee." I offer, maybe that was a good idea, trying to reintroduce his old methods of calming down, it was weird that he hadn't tried this on his own actually, I didn't understand why he was so angry and uptight. It was virtually impossible for him to be sexually frustrated, that was in fact the weirdest part, he was always happy in bed, when he was tired or in school, but at home he seemed so pissed off, so much. "I thought that drawing was r-"

"It's not about what you like. You can't just get rid of me, what the hell do-"

"I-I just thought yo-you might like to draw." I stutter, picking up his empty glass from the table and backing away ever so subtly, I never saw where his rage came from, he seemed to over-react about everything. I could ask him if he wanted to star coming to the gym with me and he would accuse me of calling him fat, but if I didn't ask him, he would flip his shit, because I didn't offer. Nothing I did was right, not unless it was in the bedroom.

Everything we had, was slowly crumpling away, I never understood why, I just couldn't find the root of the problem, it was just happening, he was just breaking and I didn't know why. I try to reach out and help, but he just bites my head off, snaps at me, yells at me, but every time he tells me he loves me afterwards. It fucking hurts, it hurts a lot, I love him too much to let him go, I trust him, I believe him and I believe him when he says he loves Kyle, yet Kyle has been avoiding him for days. Nothing makes sense.

Take it to the bedroom though, he's all over me, giving me a lifetimes worth of love, telling me he loves me every minute. His protection in public, his promises, his vows, he keeps them all, he doesn't lie to me, he atells me daily how much he loves me, but he just shouts at me and he shouts at Kyle. It's been days since Kyle has come out of his room for anything more than a meal, if he needs help with homework, he uses the home phone in his room, to ring my cell, to asked me to come to his room to help him. He's scared of Gerard shouting at him, just like me, becuase we don't understand, nothing makes sense.

"I-I know you like coffee a-and you draw ama-amazingly, so I tho-"

"Well you thought wrong." He yells smacking the empty glass out of my hand causing it to smash on the floor all over my bare feet. Clenching my fists and teeth and trying not to scream or cry out in agony, I stutter a quiet apology as he grunts storming from the room and out into the garden.