My Way Home Is Through You (Frerard)

Chapter 4

"What's a nemo?" Kyle asked stirring his hot chocolate, followed by my coffee and then Gerard's too.

"Nemo?" I repeated laughing, "He's a clown fish from an awesome Disney film." I smiled, that was certainly one of my favourite Disney films, Gerard, Kyle and I kind of watched it a lot, hence why I was so surprised he asked.

"No an emo." He giggled correcting me and pushing Gerard's coffee back at him.

"Oh, uh...that's uh, that's just a person who, who likes a particular type of music and often shown as wearing a lot of black." I stuttered looking to Gerard almost as if checking I had it right, he nodded slowly congratulating me with my explanation.

"Like you were?" He asked Gerard and he laughed nodding, he wore more colour now but when they first met he wore little else but black. "What's a fag?" My eye widened as I looked between Gerard and Kyle for a moment a little shocked at the question.

"Where did you hear that buddy?" Gerard asked giving me the same look I was sending him; surprise and confusion.

"School." He replied looking innocently between us, he looked just as confused as us, only he was confused about why we were confused and what was wrong with the word. "What is it?"

Gerard looked at me and I just smiled innocently, "I'll let you answer that one honey." He glared at me for a moment before sighing and biting his lip, looking down into his empty coffee cup.

"Really? You're more than welcome to dear." He smiled sarcastically, looking annoyed when I just smiled at him, Kyle groaned impatiently waiting for one of us to reply. "Uh, well actually it, it has two meanings," he mumbled. "It can mean a cigarette, or uh-"

"What's that?" He butted in.

"Its the things Daddy refuses to stop smoking, but I don't anymore and you won't." He said looking at me a little unimpressed, he had managed to quit and was trying to get me to, but it was hard, not to mention I wasn't really wanting to.

"Oh, okay." He nodded, "The other meaning?" He asked.

"Its uh, its a g-gay person, its not very nice." Gerard said struggling to find an explanation.

"What's gay?" Kyle asked, what a lot of questions. I was expecting Gerard to answer, so I took a sip of my coffee beginning to play with my fingers, I felt a little awkward actually.

"Your turn sugar." He smiled resting his hand over mine on my cup, it was obvious he was just as awkward about this as me.

Imagine being a particular way, a way that many people in society didn't except, then having to explain this to your son. Not only did you have to explain this to your son, but you had to do it in public, you have to explain the one thing you don't like to think about.

Openly (obviously) I was gay, I didn't care that people knew, I didn't care if people judged me, or if people disagreed with it, it was legal and I was happy. However I didn't like to think about it, think about what people thought, I certainly didn't want to explain it to kyle, not yet.

The last thing I wanted, was for Kyle to be put through shit at school because of his parents being gay, the best bit about keeping our relationship secret at school. I dreaded to think how Kyle had heard the words 'emo' and 'fag', I suppose he wore a fair amount of black and had a few band shirts, but he certainly wasn't the typical 'emo' and he definitely didn't look or act gay, not that I was aware of anyway.

If Kyle was being bullied, or anyone was using those words towards him, I would be heartbroken, not to mention I would blame me. To be honest I was devastated this morning when Kyle told me he didn't have friends, no eight year-old boy should have to say that, ever. No eight year-old boy should know those words, how he had heard them was what was getting me most though.