My Way Home Is Through You (Frerard)

Chapter 17

Only did I realize how much of a daze I was in, when Kyle stared at me for a few moments, before turning to Gerard and saying: "Why is Daddy stood outside." My first reaction would obviously be to just slowly slip out of view and pretend I was never there, but I knew they had both seen me, so I just smiled weakly as Kyle slipped off Gerard's lap.

Not realizing I had been crying until my tears feel onto my hand, I rapidly wiped away the few tears on my face before stepping away from the door. Merely seconds later all the students came flooding out of the classroom, followed by Kyle. Smiling down at him, I tried to forget all of the recent events and all the thoughts swimming around my head, concentrating purely on him. Momentarily he smiled back at me, before furrowing his eyebrows a little confused.

Reaching up to my face, he wiped his hand across my cheek, I could feel the cold contact from his hand against my cheek, which was unsurprisingly warm. Pouting he took his other hand and put it on my other cheek as I crouched down in front of him, he looked a little upset, but I wasn't quite sure why, I hoped to god Gerard had said nothing. Wiping my cheeks dry, he sighed and giggled a little as a few more escaped my eyes. Holding his two index fingers firmly under my eyes, smiled at me happily, making it clear to me, Gerard luckily hadn't told him anything.

Role reversal really, usually I was the one sat with Kyle telling him not to cry, wiping his tears, telling him I loved him and that everything was okay. There was honestly nothing I was more proud of, than being able to say Kyle was my son, he may be eight, but I already knew he was twice the person I ever was or ever would be. Something about the way he behaved around anyone made me so proud, he was polite, mature and caring and he was only eight. Maybe he was the biggest obstacle, he made this decision hard and he made me unsure of what to do, which right now was killing me.

It didn't even take a moment of thought to know, I would hate to hurt Kyle, he had seen his Mom leave, he had seen pain, he had lost the most important person to a child's life, I didn't want to do anymore damage. There is no way I would be surprised if he developed trust problems, his Mom left, but to take him from Gerard too, it would break them both, and me. Why does nobody warn you about the complexity of love and marriage until it's too late?!

"Daddy, are you ill too, you need love it makes it better." He smiled hugging me tightly, more tears gathered in my eyes as I just held Kyle so close to me. "Why are you out here?" He asked quietly stepping back allowing me to stand up.

"Well I came to tell you we have to go back to Hannah's, but I didn'-"

"I want to go home Daddy." He whined pouting at me and stepping backwards into Gerard's legs, which I only just noticed were there, god knew how long he had been there.

Avoiding all eye contact and just staring down at my feet, "Uh, well I have to talk to Hannah about stuff." I mumbled.

"Then Dad can take me home." Kyle stated, damn him for being a smart child, I wish I could just push all this away, hide it all, just like Gerard did.

"Uh, right um-"

"I think Daddy needs you to go with him Kyle." Gerard smiled stroking Kyle's hair and smiling at me, weakly I smiled back, I appreciated Gerard's co-operation, but I still couldn't say I trusted him, I hated it. I hated him for it, I hated me for it but what could I do?

"I don't want to." He sulked, "I'm going to pee." He mumbled storming off into the bathroom opposite, coincidentally leaving Gerard and I stood awkwardly alone outside his room. Unlike how I ever would expect Gerard and I to be, it was never this way, even from day one it had never, ever been this way. All I could say was after experiencing awkwardness and tenseness in a relationship, I feel so fucking sorry for people who have relationships which are constantly like this, that shit is..wow.