The Door To The Beauty Of Life

Numb Promises

When did it become so normal to feel this way.
To sit in my bed fine one moment or numb at least. Then just thinking your name sparks a downward spiral of pain.

I should be stable. Normal, focused. I have partners who love me. A mother who adores me. I should be in a place in life where I am more then just okay.

I should sleep at night without wanting to die inside my dreams.
I should think like a adult. Not a love sick teen.

I was always okay long as we were still a team. Unbreakable best friends.

You always promised. When I faced rape and abuse head on. While you watched me loose and regain my self confidence. While you saw me both defeated and thriving. You promised we would always see it to the end for each other.

When my brother and father left me and broke me. You promised that it would never be you. You stayed when they threatened you when they insulted you. For me you did it all.

You promised to never be gone. To never leave and never hurt me. For someone who had never broken a promise before. You sure know how to pick which ones to do. It's been 10 Months. It hurts like it was yesterday.

You once wondered if it was puppy love. To me it's my soulmate who broken me worse then them all.

There was a moment when I knew we wouldn't end up together. That never hurt I was okay to be little sister and friend. I just wanted to be there as you got the world. I wanted you here when mine happens.

My girlfriend wants to be my maid of honor. My body wants to say no because my bestman is my best safe friend.. but I know you can't be there for me. So I say yes and part of me dies with the reminder