The Door To The Beauty Of Life

Existence

The value of a person comes from how those around them view them.

At two years old people thought I was cute and so smart.

At six years old people thought I was so strong and creative.

At 10 years old people thought I was chaotic and loud

At 12 years old I was to quiet and to stubborn

At 14 years old I was to edgy and rough

At 16 years old I was to soft and weak

At 18 years old I was worthless and unwanted.

At 19 years old I have watched my own life crumble at the seams.
I have been taught that no matter how I change or who I try to be I will never be who they need.

I have learned that though I love people since the day I meant them and long after there gone. To love me is temporary.

I have learned my trauma is a burden and a shadow that haunts me and bothers others.

I was taught that either I'm to quiet and I don't ask for help. Or I complain to much and I'm just another thing to pity.

It's human nature that when we love something we cling to it and attempt to keep it.
Then why does no one ever want to cling to me.

It's human nature to be social creatures and to rely on one another for interaction. But then why does it feel like the more I speak the less I am heard.

How can someone so afraid of failure. Be cursed with always failing. Why is it I can never just be right. Why is it I can't be someone worth knowing. Worth needing worth loving.

I was raised to be the perfect mother. The perfect wife. And the perfect friend. I have the skills and knowledge and heart to do it all.

However no one ever taught me how to be someone who people want to love. How can I ever do something I don't know how to do.