The Door To The Beauty Of Life

Who Am I

( these are the rough draft words of a spoken word poem that i recorded and posted i will put the video of it being read on the image link later when its published..)

Who am I?
People ask me this a lot.
The problem I come across is.
I don't really know who I am.

I am the girl who sits quietly in class.
I do my work then read a library book.
least I do when I stay in class.
I am the girl who finishes first.
then I ask my teacher for a pass.
I spend more time in the library.
then I do to talking to human beings.

On that note.
I am the girl who smiles at everyone.
even on my worst days.
I am the girl who takes every word to heart.
even as a dish out a comeback.
I am the girl who cries for someone.
I may have only spoken to once.
yet I cry for them because they are hurting.
And when I'm hurting.
I hug people, even people who have never spoke to me before.
I will walk up and ask for a hug.
because if I must hurt.
then I want to make someone else smile.

I am the girl who knows every country song.
if not by name I could sing every lyric.
I am the girl who knows every alternative rock band.
and I'm not ashamed to sing them even in class.
I am the girl who loves rap music.
but surely can't flow for any reason.

I am the girl who hides behind her hair.
I am the girl who when I crave freedom.
I don't go outside.
I don't walk away.
I cut my hair.
And then even if I hate it, I accept it.

I am the girl who one minute is proud of who I am.
And the next I cry over who I wish I was.
My favorite teacher once told me.
That he knows people who go through a lot.
Don't always show on the surface.
how they feel on the inside.
but that he really hoped that.
at the very least my inside was healing.
to match the outward smile I give.

This touched me, it reminded me of how I am.
I don't wish to burden people, so I never say how I am.
my therapist once asked me to put a name to how I felt.
what do I do when I don't know what to call my emotions.

I feel so much but I don't know what I am feeling.

I am the girl who has her stories written on her skin.
but I am the girl whose story is kept to herself.
My father is my life, but I have only known him 2 years.
he wants to give me the world.
but I can't even bring myself to ask for what I need.
I wouldn't dare ask him for more then his affection.

I am the girl who is scared to fall.
But I fall so fast.
I get burned and broken when I land.
yet every time I get back up.
and climb my stairs of heartbreak.
because I'm the girl who will never

Stop believing someone will catch me.

I am the girl who fears everything.
Does it make sense to say.
I don't fear death.
but god am I afraid of dying.
probably not huh.
that's okay because it remains my true.