The Door To The Beauty Of Life

Am I enough.

I wonder does he know.

Does he catch the way my throat closes when I think he's upset with me.

Does he see the burning of tears I hold back when I take a joke to seriously.

Would he think I'm to sensitive or weak. Does he see the struggle to be ideal.

We are so different bridging these gaps are hard. But Id face the world for his smile.

He has so little faith in love and light. It hurts my heart. I want to be something inspiring to him.

When we seperated he told me he never realized what he had. Together I wonder if he did know and he had made a mistake to take the leap for me.

He gives me security and safety. I give him clingy and chaotic.
He gives me sarcasm and impromptu comedy. I give him sonnets and home cooked meals.

I want to be worthy of everything that he is. I do not need to change to do this. I know this and I won't. But I wish I knew how to believe in who I already am. Cause I do not think I can handle hearing those dreaded words from him again.

I can't handle the idea of him finding someone new. I'm not ready to give up on myself.

I was raised to be the perfect wife and mother. But he does not need a wife or home maker. he needs a friend and a safe place to go. He needs me to just be me.

Healthy and honest is so new to me. I'm so use to being something for someone else. But he does not want me to change for him he knows I would without him having to ask. He wants me to find myself within myself. All on my own.