Starting Over

Chapter 35

Sorry I havent been on in the past couple of days. I am in a fibromyalgia flare up and my depression and anxiety hasnt really helped in me recovering. It also hasnt helped that I have been receiving multiple messages saying that my stories are not good but okay or blah. I dont really understand why these people would take the effort to message me and tell me that my stories are bad when they could have just quit reading them if they didnt like them. It really affected my motivation but I keep trying to tell myself that there are readers that love reading the stories and keep trying to push forward. I will never understand internet trolls but I have to admit these messages have sunk it and make me question if I should even try to keep going on the stories. Im sorry that my stories arent best sellers but I never tried strived to be up to those standards in the first place. I know Im not a best selling author but I thought maybe a few people would like the stories I have in my head. I just wanted to make some people smile at the end of the day with some fantasy stories, thats all. People dont have to be cruel and point out someones flaws, just be respectful and nice, thats all I ask. Im sorry I have failed my followers that do cherish the stories and will try and get out of the flare up, ignore the hate, and regain some motivation soon. Until then here are some of what I had written before the flare up and hate messages.

Marie woke up and smiled softly at Kota and Nathan surrounding her. She kissed each on the forehead and got out of bed. She left the room and smiled as she pasted everyones room and spotted them sleeping and then the elephants either on their desks by their paperwork or on their nightstands. It really meant a lot to her that they appreciated the gifts.

"Morning Max," she smiled as Max joined her at the bottom of the stairs. She patted his head and opened the backdoor for him to go out. She sat on the swing and watched him run around.

"Morning Darling," Owen said as he came out to join them.

"Morning Owen," she smiled softly up at him when he kissed her forehead. He handed her a cup of hot cocoa and she smiled, "Thank you."

"Youre welcome," he gave her his special smile. "What do you plan on doing today?"

"I dont know," she answered honestly.

"Why dont you try painting in the art studio? You havent done that in a while," he suggested.

"I dont know Owen," She said looking down at her cup.

"Why?" he asked.

"Im scared," she answered honestly. "I feel bad because I know Meanie spent so much time in there for me but I cant help it, Im scared to even try painting."

"Oh," he said realizing what she meant. "Are you scared because the last few times something bad happened?" She nodded and he nodded. "Would it help if I walked you into the room? Or Mr. Korba, Mr. Taylor Jr, Mr. Griffin, and Mr. Ravenstahl?"

"They will think Im being silly," She shook her head. "I get it since everything happened at the old house and nothing has happened here, I mean the kidnapping was after we left our home. But I got the sense of dread while in the art room and then the kidnapping happened. But what if something else does happen while Im in there? I mean I love the art studio, Meanie did a great job on it but he also did create the temporary one also."

"It is not silly Darling," he said lifting her chin to look at him. "It makes sense. But the only way to overcome it so you can go back to your passion is to face it head on."

"I guess," she sighed. "What if they walk me in then have to go on an assignment and I start to have a panic attack and no one is there to help me? What if they get bored in there having to babysit me and then they start to resent me because of it? What if---?"

Owen leaned over and kissed her, making her freeze in shock. He nibbles on her lip and she gasps, taking the chance he sticks his tongue in her mouth and she lets out a soft moan. She starts to copy him and he pulls her closer. When breathing became an issue he pulls away and kissed the top of her head.

"Come on Darling, lets go see who is awake and battle those pesky bad thoughts," he said pulling her up to stand.

"Are you sure they wont mind?" She asked softly and he nodded.

"They will love to help," Owen gave her his millimeter smile.

"Help with what?" North asked as they came in. Marie buried her head in Owens chest and North frowned, "Whats wrong Baby?"

"She wants to try and paint again but shes scared to go in the art studio and worried about having a panic attack once she starts painting again or later on something triggers a panic attack. Shes also worried about resentment if someone stays with her," Owen explained.

"Oh Cupcake no one will resent you one bit if they stay with you in the art studio all day," Luke smiled.

"Of course not, we will love staying with you instead of doing an assignment," Marc chuckled.

"Come Kitten, I protect you," Raven said coming up behind her, picked her up, making her squeal in surprise.

"Be careful Crow!" North shouted following behind them.

"Do I want to know?" Nathan asked as he watched them go down the hall.

Silas nodded as he followed behind Nathan, "Helping Cupcake conquer her fear of entering the art studio so she can start painting again," Luke said and they nodded in understanding then followed behind North and Raven.

Marie stood in front of the art studio door and took a deep breath. She held it and let it out slowly. She raised her hand and realized it was shaking. "Close your eyes Trouble," Gabe said coming up behind her. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

Gabe put a blindfold over her and she froze, "Meanie?"

"Were here Trouble," he said making sure his voice stayed calm. "Silas is going to hold your hand." Silas took ahold of her shaking hand and she squeezed it tightly. "Now take a step forward Trouble." She did and as soon as the smell of her paints and cleaners hit she started trembling. "Trouble, tell me a good memory about painting. Dont think, just tell us. First thing that pops up in your mind."

"Painting Max for 52 for Christmas," she said and Kota chuckled.

"That is one of my favorite paintings in my office," he said.

"Another Trouble, now," Gabe said.

"The paint fight you and I had and you turned it into an actual painting," she said.

"Its hanging up in my gallery," he said softly. "Another," he demanded.

"The look on Owens face when I gave him the cherry blossom tree by the water painting," she smiled softly and they noticed she was no longer trembling but she hadnt noticed yet.

"I have it in my office, I get a lot of questions about who the artist is," Owen said.

"Another," Gabriel demanded.

"The first time Superman and North Star called me Angelos Mou and Baby was in the art studio when they yelled at me for standing on the ladder because I was painting the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling," she said softly while smiling.

"Gave us heart attacks," North grumbled and Silas grunted.

"When Always would sneak me snacks while I was too focused to remember to eat or Honey helping me meditate in there when I was having creative blocks and getting upset," she giggled. "Prince playing in there for me even though the chemicals would sometimes give him headaches but he never complained about it. Dr. Sean would come in and just sit and watch me after having a long shift."

"Just remember those Trouble, keep thinking about those memories," he said as he removed the blindfold. She opened her eyes and squeezed Silas hand. Nathan came up and took her other hand.

"You can do this Peanut," he whispered as she took a step forward.