Wanting Approval

Chapter One

Lewis woke up to the radio alarm he had set the night before, it was playing another pop song he couldn't stand anymore because of hearing it just one too many times. He dragged himself out of bed after checking his phone, seeing if any of his friends had texted him anything important. Seeing there was only something funny in the groupchat he had missed he walked through the hallway and to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, lifting his shirt up, examining his stomach, he could finally see most of his ribs. He even had a little bit of abs showing through his stomach fat. This was so much progress from the start of summer. After brushing his teeth and picking an outfit for his day at school and soccer practice he was collecting his things in his backpack. Feeling his emotions building in his chest he stopped and started the breathing exercises he was shown in therapy. He started by taking a breath in through his nose and holding it for a count of three then exhaling as slowly as he could manage before repeating. All the while thinking about his day in a step by step process. He would have to sneak past his mom before leaving for school, then once at school walk through the halls getting things into and out of his locker, classes were next, then lunch (not sure what he should do about this yet today), lastly practice and a drive home with his mom.

Once his chest felt a little less tight and it was easier to breathe he left his room, he walked through the living room and towards the door, his mom was busy in the bathroom braiding his little sister's hair and his dad had left for work already. So, he was in the clear for breakfast.

He walked to school at a fast pace with his ear buds in listening, quietly to music. Once entering the building his music must stop otherwise he might hear too much at once. So, he pulled them out, tucking them into his pocket before reaching his locker. His friend Callie was already at hers a couple over, she gave him a wide toothy grin. Starting his day off well he thought, not too bad. Once he gathered his necessary books for both periods before lunch. He went to stand beside Callie's locker before the first bell rang so as to not just be standing there all awkward.

"Hey Callie," Lewis said while walking up to her.

"Hey, how are you this morning?" Callie said with a little more concern then Lewis thought was necessary. He was doing fine as of lately, but he still appreciated how much his friends cared.

"I'm good, thanks. How 'bout you? Are you feeling ready for this biology test?" he asked her just to keep a conversation going.

"Yah, good. Not feelin' too confident about all the different cycles but I think I'll be fine" she answered back.

Lewis had always loved how easy Callie was able to hold a conversation with anyone. He generally avoided talking to people other than Callie and his other friend Dylan. Unless those people talked to him first. He wasn't as good as she was at small talk. Callie and him talked until the bell rang and they started making their way towards their classroom. Lewis hated this time of day, there were so many people all rushing in different directions. Callie understood this and always made sure to lead their way through the crowd. She was always aware of how Lewis was doing behind her, she had been his most consistent friend even through his increasing anxiety attacks.

They made it to the classroom relatively unscathed. This test wasn't hard, Lewis knew it wasn't going to be because he had studied for most of the weekend and because biology was one of his favourite subjects.

The rest of his day wasn't that bad, he was calm for the most part. His friends didn't even comment on how little he ate for lunch. The only reason he even ate was to be less suspicious. Plus he needed a little bit of energy for soccer practice at the end of the day. He had a banana and half the bag of cut up green bell peppers he had packed himself the night before. He made sure to consistently take sips from his water bottle that way it looked like he was doing something.