Wanting Approval

Chapter Three

As Lewis is taking his binders and textbook out of his locker for the first part of his day Callie approaches with a little more pep in her step then usual. This could mean many things, good or bad, it all depends if what she is planning involves him. Lewis puts his hands in his sweater pockets, wrapping it around his middle subconsciously bracing himself for something bad.

"Hey! Guess what!" Callie says at an alarming pace because she really wants to get this out before she explodes.

"What, I am not going to guess right so just tell me" Lewis says with the least amount of emotion possible because usually these little announcements are over the smallest least exciting things.

"Oh common this is good, are you ready for this" Callie says trying to really get him excited because she truly thinks this could be a good thing for Lewis. He just looks at her, his face portraying his thoughts of "could we please hurry this along, I have better places to be".

"Fine, fine. Miss Ash told the class that later this week we are getting a new student!" Callie says basically bouncing on her toes.

"K, but why does this matter?" Lewis says trying to fight the urge to just simply walk away from Callie because this is yet again not announcement worthy.

"Because we could have a new friend to our group, ooooorrr it could be a really cute guy. You never know" Callie said while nudging Lewis because she knows he hasn't really been interested in anyone at this school for a while. In her opinion this could be good for him.

"No. Don't do this, please. Don't try and set anything up I can't have that happening just ... Don't please" Lewis pleads because he realizes finally what Callie's plan was this whole time. 

Lewis knows it has been awhile since he has talked to Callie or Dylan about having a crush on anyone but that just hasn't been the focus of his life lately. He has too much to think about, more important things like soccer and passing all his classes. This could be bad too, what if it really is a cute guy, then he will just have even more reason to be nervous at school. Doesn't the universe think his anxiety is enough.

"Okay, okay. I won't do anything until you tell me to" Callie says because she knows when and when not to push him.

"Thank you, can we go now?" Lewis says gesturing for them to start walking to class. Callie nods and they head off down the hall.

At lunch with the rest of the group sitting at the table eating their lunches, Lewis brought what he always does, a banana and some celery but this time he added some broccoli because once again there was leftovers. Callie and their other friend Mona decide it is the perfect time to get their group on board for trying to befriend the new kid, whomever they may be. At this point it is a bit ridiculous the amount of planning they are doing, like they want to be welcoming, yes but they also have to make sure they fit into the group. For example, we can not have another kid with anxiety who is just here because everyone is to nice to tell them to leave, or another Callie and Mona who are the art kids of the group, then Dylan is the english guy he really likes working with words, we have talkative and we have listeners. Lewis just doesn't see where there is room to put another person in the dynamic. Oh no! What if they are looking to replace him, that must be it.

They all make a pact to text the group chat if the new student is in their first class. Lewis can only nod when asked if he is in because he is panicking that with this addition he will be moved further down the list for the group or maybe even just be removed completely. He can feel breathing starting to become a little harder. It is nearing the end of lunch and everyone is already done eating so he excuses himself to the bathroom to try and calm down before he loses it. Only Callie and Dylan look at each other trying to decide if one of them should follow him. They don't but should have. 

Lewis gets to the bathroom after his breath is already coming in very short. He can feel his heart beating way too fast. It is getting hard to focus on one thing at a time. He locks himself in the last stall for a little privacy in case someone comes in. His eyes are going crazy trying to find something to focus on and then get his breathing under control. He wants to be able to handle conversations about something new but this is a big something new and he just couldn't handle it today. His mind is going a mile a minute with thoughts about how his group will replace him with this new person. He is now on the verge of tears because he still can't find the right way to breathe. Everything is just happening either too fast or slow, nothing is happening at the right speed for him to process. Finally after shedding a couple tears he can think about what he has been taught to do when this is happening and he is alone. He starts with trying his best to take deep breaths and hold them for a second in between each one. Then he lists three things that he can see, the small paint chips out of the stall door, the piece of toilet paper on the floor and the crack in the tile flooring. Then three things he can feel, a piece of his hair tickling his forehead, his backpack straps pulling on his shoulders and his toes touching the bottom of his shoes. Lastly he lists three things he can hear, a kid in the hallway walking by, another kid talking outside the bathroom door and the sound of his own deep breaths. They sound like they are actually coming in deep now. In between each observation he takes a moment to only focus on that to distract himself. Lewis can now think clearly and he can tell this wasn't bad but he does really need to get to class because he doesn't want to be late, but also if he moves the panic might come back.

Lewis waits another five minutes till he feels like he can leave the bathroom without any fear of having to rush right back. He gets to class with barely a second to spare but everyone is talking so it isn't awkward. Thankfully!

In english class at the end of the day Dylan asks where he went at lunch and Lewis just says he went to the bathroom like he said he was doing. Technically he isn't lying he did really spend that time there but he doesn't want to bother Dylan if he doesn't have to. This time wasn't that bad so it is not worth telling him about. Dylan can sense that something is off because he isn't able to hold eye contact with Lewis, this is always their sign to know that something has happened and Lewis needs something. Whether that be time and silence to think or to talk it out. Or maybe just someone to be there and hold him together when it gets really bad. Dylan doesn't push him, this must be one of those times where he just needs someone to be there but give him space. So, Dylan lets him get his things from his locker and puts in his headphones before they start walking home. All he wants is for Lewis to know he will always be there even through his necessary silences.

Lewis couldn't be more grateful for his wonderful friend Dylan. He is genuinely the best anyone could ask for. He has been there through everything. He knows exactly what Lewis needs without asking. He puts in his headphones because it has just been too much today. He doesn't think he could do more silence so he needs the music to keep his thoughts organized while walking.

Lewis makes sure to call Dylan that tonight once he is ready to talk about why today wasn't great. Of course he also made sure Callie was involved because he already knew they had talked about him leaving at lunch. The two just walked home and Dylan made sure to stick close but it doesn't feel like he is pressuring Lewis to speak, he leaves him to sort through his own feelings and Lewis loves him for this.