Wanting Approval

Chapter Fifteen

After spending some time relaxing and watching tv Blake suggested they do something else. He really wanted to do more to distract Lewis from feeling anything but happy right now because the panic attack he had at school was pretty bad. Blake has only ever witnessed a few in his life and never would wish that on anyone but especially not someone he likes as much as Lewis.

Lewis is the one who asks if they can bake or cook something together. He wants to make sure it is something Blake likes to do and he knows, since Blake admitted it when they were babysitting that cooking was one of his hobbies, that this is a safe choice. Of course Blake would have done basically anything Lewis suggests but it is a bonus that it happens to be something he is good at. Blake then excitedly ushers Lewis into the kitchen asking what ingredients they have so he can decide what they can make. Unfortunately Lewis never does any cooking at his house so he has no idea what they have so he just tells Blake to investigate their pantry and cupboards.

Finally, Blake pokes his head out around the door of the pantry to give Lewis a full dimpled smile and ask if he was okay with oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Once again Lewis would most likely have agreed with anything but he is certainly glad it was something he likes so much. Plus he knows his mom likes these and maybe she won't be so mad when she finds out he skipped school. So in response Lewis laughs and nods his head, he doesn't feel up to really talking a lot right now and Blake doesn't seem to care that he is the only one holding the conversation afloat. Blake just starts putting everything they are going to need on the counter and occasionally asking for help on finding something which Lewis does his best at locating for him. Lewis is loving watching and sometimes helping Blake bake the cookies, he just seems so in his element while taking control of the kitchen. Blake is loving how relaxed Lewis looks sitting on the counter with a bowl in his lap mixing the dry ingredients per Blakes instructions. Lewis even has a little smile on his face but Blake can't ignore how he has barely said a word since they arrived. It's not a problem he can't blame Lewis for wanting some quiet time and therefore Blake is just trying to talk softly about stupid things that don't matter.

When everything is in the oven the two boys unfortunately start to clean everything up. Lewis even gives a cute little huff when Blake hands him another dirty measuring cup to rinse out. Blake only laughs at this. 

"Hey, we're almost done then we can go back to watching a movie while those bake" Blake says gesturing at the oven and giving Lewis a small smile. Of course he flashes his dimples because he knows what those tend to do to people. To this Lewis just gives Blake a playful eyeroll.

They sit down on the couch in the same position as before with the blanket over their laps and their sides smushed together while watching a movie. About three quarters of the way through the movie Blake goes to check on the cookies and this gives Lewis time to think about him a little more. He thinks about how helpful Blake has been all day, he found him and helped him through a bad panic attack and then brought him home and is keeping him company, now even feeding him without a complaint. Lewis thinks about how Blake really is perfect. Once Blake returns he notices immediately that Lewis seems off in his own thoughts again, but this time he doesn't look as distressed as last time in the park. He just gently sits down next to Lewis again and waits till he realizes that Blake has returned.

This took Lewis some time to register that Blake was now sitting beside him again and had his hand on Lewis's leg rubbing up and down. Lewis was just thinking about how he couldn't get better but here he is bringing Lewis back to reality in the most gentle way possible. Lewis finds himself snuggling further into Blakes side.

After more time passes Lewis sits up and pauses the movie, he then goes back to their previous position basically cuddled up together on the couch. This is a little confusing to Blake but he knows that Lewis has his reasons and he will tell him eventually. 

"T-thank you" Lewis says, still staring at the paused tv screen because he thinks that eye contact would be too much for right now.

"You are so very welcome Lewis but there is no need to thank me. I want to be here for everything Lewis. Whenever you need me" Blake says looking down at Lewis. This statement shocked Lewis a bit because his mind has been telling him all day that Blake is going to move on without him but now Blake is explaining the opposite.

"Okay, thank you anyways. I want you around too" Lewis says after a beat debating whether he should admit this to Blake. He also now feels more comfortable so he pushes himself up a bit and looks back at Blake.

"Thank goodness for that" Blake says laughing more because of nerves than anything else. He just gave Lewis the perfect opportunity to turn him down and bail but he didn't. Blake can't help but smile and pull Lewis back into his side while starting the movie again so that it will finish by the time the cookies are ready. Lewis loves that Blake is able to hold him and he still feels as comfortable as he would with his family.

Lewis's mom comes home from work to a house that smells like freshly baked cookies, which would normally be lovely if her kids weren't all supposed to be at school. She enters the living room and sees Blake and a fuzzy blanket from the back of the couch then upon further inspection she sees that Lewis is completely leaning against Blakes chest and has a plate of cookies on his lap. However, she has to disrupt the peace to make herself known so she just knocks against the wall and gives her best motherly smile asking why they are home so early. Blake and Lewis exchange a quick glance before Blake starts explaining what happened at school today and what they had done instead of being at school.

"Okay, I am not happy you two skipped school today, but sweets I am happy you got home safe are doing okay now. Thank you so much Blake" Lewis's mom says starting with her stern look because she does have to give the 'school is important you can't just leave' speech but what she really wants to do is cuddle her son and make sure he really is okay. 

"Blake, have your mother call me and I can explain why you missed school if she doesn't understand later okay?" Lewis' mom continues because she doesn't want her family to be responsible for causing trouble in another family's life.

"Will do Mrs. Walters, thank you. Umm ... Lewis is it alright if I leave now that your mom is here. I don't want to but I have to get home and make dinner for my sisters, I'm sorry" Blake says, immediately explaining that he is not running away but that he simply has another thing that is equally as important. Blake wishes he could spend the rest of eternity cuddled up next to Lewis but his sister does need food.

"That's f-fine, thank you for st-st-staying with m-me" Lewis says, moving away from Blake so he can get up and gather his things around the house. Blake leaves after saying another goodbye to Lewis and his mom and making Lewis promise to text him later.

"Hey sweets, do you want to tell me what happened at school?" Lewis's mom approached him sitting herself on the couch and taking his hands in her own.

"It was j-just all too much-ch, my thoughts w-w-were moving too fast. I don't know w-w-why, sorry" Lewis says. Now that his mom is here comforting him he is finding it increasingly difficult to not cry.

"Oh no, no apologies. That's alright. Why don't you let me finish these cookies and join you on the couch" Lewis's mom says stealing a cookie off of his plate making Lewis smile and move to position the blanket properly again.

Lewis's mom spent the next couple of days keeping an extra eye on him. She wanted to make sure he was doing better and was alright to go back to school and soccer practice. It is really hard to see her son in such a mindset that he is basically trying to tear himself down. She wishes it was easier for him to see how proud he makes all of them everyday he is able to get out of bed. She was even more proud because he was so good at soccer and always wanted to improve.