Wanting Approval

Chapter Sixteen

It has been two weeks since the two boys had hung out for the first time and they were only growing closer. Blake has been sitting with Lewis for lunch everyday and finding him in the hallways between classes just so they can spend more time together. It would be overwhelming for Lewis with all the new found affection if it was anyone other than Blake.

It's a Saturday afternoon, Blake and Lewis are sitting on Lewis's couch watching reruns of a TV show they both like. The day has been spent doing some homework together in comfortable silence and watching boring TV because it's been gray, damp and cold outside. However, there is only so much mindless comedy Blake can take before it gets too annoying. He has been debating with himself for over a week about when the best opportunity would be to ask Lewis on a date. A real proper date, picking him up, going to a nice restaurant and being a gentleman for him. Blake has spoken to Callie and Dylan about whether they think that Lewis is ready for a relationship and both have agreed that he most definitely is but only Lewis himself can give the final verdict. So, here Blake is repositioning himself so he is facing Lewis on the couch and reaching over to mute the TV to get Lewis attention. Now Blake realizes how much he wants this, he likes spending time with Lewis so much and he would love for them to become more than friends but if this isn't what Lewis wants then he is more than willing to accept that as well.

"Hey ... um Lewis would you maybe like to go on a date with me sometime next week?" Blake asks rather awkwardly because he is nervous and doesn't want to scare Lewis. All he can think about is how he wants to always be there for Lewis and be able to treat him how he deserves in a relationship. Finally, after a pregnant pause Lewis replies.

"I-I-I w-would love to-to!" Lewis says with a growing smile forming on his face. Before he is even done with his sentence he is going in for a hug. Lewis has never felt as comfortable as he does with physical touch, with Blake he feels safe and cared for while Blake's arms are wrapped tightly around him.

"Great! I was thinking of taking you to a nice small cafe in town. I promise it's always quiet, not too busy and they have great cookies" Blake says. Truth is he has about ten different dates for him and Lewis planned but this idea seems the safest for their first. It allows them to be in a less public space with fewer people and it incorporates cookies which he knows are something Lewis loves. 

"That s-s-s-sounds lovely-ly" Lewis says with a light blush showing on his cheeks because he senses that Blake has had this planned for a bit since that was a well thought out idea right away. Blake makes Lewis feel like he can have a relationship and be loved (or liked for right now) in that way, Blake has considered how much he doesn't like crowds and loud places. This just shows Lewis how much he really cares because he has taken that time to create a good experience for him.

But these lovely calm thoughts come to a screeching halt when Lewis remembers that going on a date with Blake means they will grow even closer than they already are. He isn't sure how to feel about this situation because he hasn't had many personal examples of people being exactly who they presented at first. Like, when he first started hanging around his current friend group they all seemed super supportive but now they sometimes make fun of him. Or when his teachers say they can make exceptions for when he has to miss class because it's too overwhelming that day, but then they don't act on that promise by punishing him for the absences. Lewis has had a hard time trusting people over the years, some positive examples for him would be his family, Callie and Dylan. They have never let him down. His mom is always there when he needs comfort and his dad is there to support him no matter what. His siblings are annoying but also his oldest friends. Callie and Dylan have and will always be his biggest admirers, they both make it very well known that they are proud of him and he can't think of anything better. 

With all these good things going for him Lewis can almost feel himself fully trusting Blake but then he will remember the time his mom yelled at him to try harder after a particularly hard soccer practice or when his sister was just a little bit too loud on purpose when he was trying to calm down. It can be really hard for Lewis to give his trust to people when he can never predict what the next situation is going to be.

Lewis isn't sure how his parents would feel about him going on a date with another boy. Of course, he knows that they were very accepting when he told them he was gay, they reacted so calmly and reassured that his sexuality will never change their opinions of him. But would they still feel this way when he was truly acting upon this and doing so publicly.

Blake was watching from his peripherals that Lewis was now having an internal debate about something. Since he doesn't know what he is thinking or whether it is good or bad he decides to just be gentle and comforting towards Lewis. So, Blake starts softly rubbing his hand up and down Lewis's right arm and pulling Lewis a little closer into himself. Blake is continuously amazed at how soft and cuddly Lewis really is. At first glance he may seem made of some sharp edges but then looking at him and absorbing the details you can see that he is full of plush textures and pale colours. In Blake's opinion Lewis is the human embodiment of calm.

With spending more time together Lewis has been forced to eat more than he was originally planning, according to his restrictive 'diet'. However, he has noticed some improvements, Lewis has more energy to perform better at soccer and to stop falling asleep when hanging out with Blake. Lewis has realized that eating wasn't so bad as long as he had some control over what and how much he ate. Blake would always ask what he wanted and when he couldn't decide because eating just seemed too hard, Blake would come up with a healthy and safe option for him. What Lewis didn't know was that Blake had recognized the signs of an early eating disorder because he had seen them before in his sister. So, he decided that he would watch Lewis more carefully when it came to food and was glad that Lewis seemed to be starting a more healthy relationship with food.