smile ; ch

four

evie

"i'm gonna miss you, june." i say to her as she sat across from me at my favourite new york cafe.
"i'll miss you too, darling, but don't you worry okay? all your photos will be with me safe and sound."
"i really appreciate it."
"i'm glad you're getting back together, evie. you two have always been made for each other. so if you decide LA is where your heart finds comfort then i shall post all your photos to your new address."
i sigh, feldy told me i have to uphold this stunt to every person in my life, including my family. if anything were to get out about it, then the band will crumble even further.
it's hard to even say his name because it's been so long.
i lie, "yeah, i think it'll be for good for him and i to try work things out. it's a year with a free house to live in, and the love of my life, right?"
"exactly, sweetheart, take what you can get! just don't get pregnant just yet, you're too young still." she smirks, and i laugh.

june always has her coffee black, no sugar, no cream, just straight. that's how she was with me too, always straight forward, up front, brutally honest but never with a negative critique. she says i remind her of her daughter that died in a car accident when she was 19, and i've held onto that thought for a long time. she's like the mother that i miss in australia, except older and more blunt.

"do you really think this is a good idea, june?"
"you know i'd tell you if it wasn't." she sips at her coffee, no reaction to the bitterness at all.
"yeah, i know."
"don't be nervous, honey. it'll be just like how you were before you split up."
"you think?"
"i think, from what you've told me about the young man, that as soon as you see him you won't even remember why you were mad. that's what happened with joe and i, we split for a few months because he was prioritising work, then when we rekindled, i forgot why i was even mad at him. we married a month after that. best decision i ever made." her thick jersey accent lingered.
"you must miss him." i say, twirling my coffee in a circle, mixing the sugar in with the little liquid i had left.
"i'll be with him again, one day." she smiles sadly, and i nod.
"i like your outfit too, doll. the orange and the dark blue go very nicely with your hair."
"thank you, figured it would be comfortable but casual for the plane."
"oh and you wanna look good for calum, right?" she winks, and i almost jump at the sound of his name.
"something like that, i'm sure i'm no better than the last time he saw me."
"honey you're better, your hairs darker, your skins tanner, you look fit! you're beautiful."

i blush at june's words, and she's right, i worked pretty hard to get to where i was now. when i first arrived in new york, and i met june, i was too skinny, pale, awkward, hair cut too short because i did it myself in a fit of rage after the breakup. it was like she helped me put myself back together, really.

"you're too kind to me, i really am going to miss you."
"you have my phone number, you can call anytime. you won't me miss me too much, you'll be having too much fun."
"oh, june." i smile.

/

i tucked my feet up onto my seat, feldy had bought first class tickets for me to LA. when he called me, i was not expecting it to be about a contract.
john and i spoke six months after i left calum, and he'd begged me to work it out with him, that cal had flown off the rails and that he wasn't the same without me. i said no, obviously, but the thought of cal ruining himself broke my heart.

"hi evie baby, how you going sweetheart?" feldy said.
"john, wow, it's so good to hear from you. i'm not doing the best right now, because my store was robbed, but i'll be okay. you know what i'm like, i always land on my feet." i'd laughed, hearing his voice was like the kick up my ass that i needed to keep going.
"yeah i did hear about that, i'm so sorry honey. that's actually why i'm calling you tonight."
"about the robbery?"
"i've got an offer for you, that's all."
"i've got a feeling i'm not gonna like this offer." we'd chuckled.
"yeah, probably not, but i'm hoping you'll be able to handle it for 148k."

the line went quiet between us, and i felt my heart race at the mention of that price.
"i'm not capable of killing someone." i joked, hoping he was joking too.
"very funny, no, evie. listen, i don't know if you've seen the headlines about calum since we last spoke, but he's been really bad. i'm not asking you to come to LA and fix him, i just need a year long favour."
"i've seen, yeah. a year long favour?"
"to get our stats back up for listeners, attention on the band and et cetera, i need you to come to LA and act in a publicity stunt with calum."
"a what? what does that even mean, feldy?"
"for one year, i need you to act like a couple with calum again. go out together, get the paparazzi to get photos of you two looking happy, mainly cal looking happy anyway. there's still fanpages of you two online, so i'm gonna say fans will be happy to see calum back with his childhood sweetheart."
"feldy..." i sighed, rolling over in my bed and shaking my head. "that's ridiculous."
"i know, honey. please, i'm begging you, if it's not you, it's some random model we find and it won't do anything. the fans aren't gonna be happy to see some random on his arm, like they aren't happy now."
"i've got a whole life here in new york, john. i can't just drop everything and come help him. you know what he did before we broke up, he's not exactly in my good books."
"it's 148k for one year of acting, evie. i'm not sure you're gonna get that money anywhere else while your business is still ramping up."
"what about my apartment? my store?"
"we'll look after all that, and you'll be able to upgrade with the money you'll get from us. if you come to LA, absolutely everything will be paid for. clothes, food, travel, a house. everything, i promise you that."
i start to cry, "john, i don't know if i can see him again."
he sighs on the other side of the line, on the other side of the country, "please, evie. please."

i take one big breath, and impulsively think only of the money that i'll get from this. i can do this.
"okay, okay, just let me get some things sorted out and i'll get back to you."
"but that's a yes."
"for you and the band, john, it's a yes."