smile ; ch

forty one

calum

i press play on friends, smirking over at evie. she smirks back but tucks into my chest again. i welcome her into it, brushing through her hair with my fingers and humming along to the theme song again.
i want touch all of her so badly, but i just know it won't do any good.

sex with another destroyed us, then sex with just us brought us closer, then tore apart, now, i don't know what it will do.

"who do you think i am, out of them?" she asks.
"definitely phoebe, or chandler."
"you think so?"
"you're not as ditsy as rachel, or as controlling as monica. you're sexy and quirky, just like phoebe. and you've got chandlers humour."
"i don't think rachel is ditsy."
"come on."
"you're so joey." she chuckles, i squeeze her sides, making her giggle.
"joeys elite, i'd love to be him any day."
"you are him. all you do is eat and sleep around." she digs, but she's only teasing too, smirking up at me.
"touché."

we watch the rest of the episode, her laying on my chest again, one leg outstretched over my own.
"do you think they were really on a break?"
"yeah." i say, smiling. she nods softly, moving more into me if it was even possible.
"hey, eves?"
"yeah?"
"how can you smoke so many cigarettes after an asthma attack?"
"powerful lungs, i guess."
i laugh.
"no, i don't know. i think anxiety kinda brings my asthma on, or when im just like...i don't know, choking."
"yeah, true."

"im gonna miss you." she says, her lips pressed into my pec.
"im gonna miss you too." i sigh.
"i know it's not that big of a deal, really, but i will."
"yeah." is all i could say.
"i..." she trails off, sighing as well and then staying silent.
"what?" i whisper.
"nothing." she shakes her head, holding the blanket under her chin.

after a few moments, i say, "me too."
"yeah." she responds.

she lifts up onto her elbows and looks at me, her eyes glassy but not crying. i brush the hair from her face, holding her cheek in my palm. she slowly starts to lean in, and i let her, i can't deny her again. i don't think i'd be able to.

evie's lips slowly graze, her top lip brushing on mine. my hand doesn't leave her cheek, pulling her in slower and slower until we're completely connected. she takes a big breath in through her nose, pulling away slightly to take another breath.
"are you okay?" i whisper, seeing tears slowly roll down her cheeks, i make sure to brush them away with my thumbs.
"yeah, yeah im okay." she nods with a smile, trying to conceal it.
"come here, love." i pull her on top of me, her legs resting on either side of my waist.
her back heaves up lightly, crying into my neck and i can feel the wetness of her tears. i rub up and down her back, feeling the softness of the silk material and her spine.

she brings her mouth back to mine, her lips salty but sweet. i wrap my arms around her, holding her tighter and tighter until it feels like she's glued there. i turn the tv off and lay with her for what feels like forever, but also not long enough.

"can we?" she asks against my lips, pressing her hips into mine.
"i don't know if it's a good idea." i say, holding her.
"please, baby." she says.

she sits up and i start to slowly unbutton her pyjamas, keeping my eyes locked on hers. her cheeks are wet and red, lips puffy and eyes greener than ever. once her top is off, her bare breasts are exposed and i take a moment to fully appreciate her beauty, trying not to think of how this could be the last time for a while.
it's not like i'm going on tour, but there's just something so special about seeing her like this at night.

"are you sure about this, sweetheart?" i ask, resting my hands on her waist.
"yes, please." she whispers, nodding. i nod too, guiding her to stand.

i bring myself to my knees, pushing the blanket off me and staring up at her. i hold her steady on the bed, pulling her shorts off her and looking up to see her face. evie holds onto my shoulder for stability as i toss the shorts to the side, making my way up and peeling her underwear off her body too.