smile ; ch

forty nine

august 2020 - 3 years before

"cal! did you pick up the milk?" i call from the kitchen, slamming the fridge shut.
i hear him groan from the lounge room, i can smell the joint and he hasn't even offered any to me.
we've been fighting and fucking like never before. the third album is due soon, and with covid throwing the whole world upside down we've been forced to stay at home.

usually, i would love nothing more than being locked in with him, but lately, we can't get out of this cycle of screaming matches and then sex.

"i'm gonna take that as a no." i say, walking into the lounge room and seeing his feet up on the coffee table. our plant, mary jane, sitting in the corner near the sunlight.
"sorry, got caught up recording." he takes another puff.
"yeah, that was the same excuse as last time. you know what i'm like if i don't have my coffee."
"just have espresso, no milk." he shrugs.

i scoff and shake my head, going to sit next to him. i snatch the joint off him, taking a big drag and coughing slightly. the immediate heaviness in my eyes comes upon me, weighing my body down into the couch.

"sorry i can't do anything right." he sasses, changing the channel on the tv.
"don't start with your 'woe is me' bullshit." i say, giving the joint back.
"you can't talk, how's your photos going, evie?" he jabs, raising his eyebrows at me and taking the smoke.
"that's not fair." i say, staring back at him.

he presses the joint onto the tray, leaving a quarter left for us later.

"isn't it?"
"why are you trying to pick a fight with me?" i ask, bringing my knees up to my chest and leaning away from him.
"who said i was trying to do that?" he chuckles, "i can't help if you're offended by everything i say." he concludes.
"you're right, i can't help that you're an asshole."
"i'm not an asshole, i love you. i'm being honest, where are the photos?"
"how did this go from milk to my fucking business?"
"that's what i'm saying, what business, evie?"
"i can't believe you're saying this."
"well, it's a fair argument! you've not posted anything, you're not doing anything."
"i clean all fucking day, we can't go out because there's some stupid, dangerous flu keeping me stuck in here with you!"

his mood changes into a chuckle, a hand on my leg and moving closer to me.
"no, cal, get off me."
"oh come on, sweetheart, i'm just stirring you up. i've got an idea."
"no, no that hurt me."
"i'm sorry i hurt you, i won't do it again. why don't you take some photos of us, huh?" he pulls his shirt up over his head, and i can't help but laugh. he's playing into our cycle, starting a fight just so we fuck it out, and i have to admit, im stuck in it too. i love it.

he smirks at me, moving the shorts, which are his, that i wear up and up. he tip toes his fingertips up my thigh, leaning over from the other end of the couch.

i crack, "you want me to take photos of us?"
"it could be fun." he shrugs.
"that's not exactly helping my business, i can't post those." i argue, shifting down into the couch and letting his weight fall in between my ribs.

"well, it might help you forget that i forgot to buy milk."