smile ; ch

fifteen

calum

her lips lock with mine and i can taste salty tears on them.
"i'm sorry." i say against her mouth.
"me too." she replies, brushing her fingers against my cheek.
"if you want to get out of the contract, feldy will understand." i tell her, knowing it's true. johns the most understanding man in the world.
she shakes her head, "i think i got this."
"only if you're sure."
"i think you need to call, ashton, sort that out with him. he was really pissed at you."
"yeah, i will."
"now?" her eyebrows raise.
"yep, i will."

i roll over and pick my phone up, laying on my back and finding ashtons name in my phone. evie rubs my shoulder to comfort me, and i smile at her sadly.

the phone starts ringing, and it only takes 4 beats for ashton to answer.
"hello?" he says.
"hey, mate. look i just wanna apologise about before."
"yeah, cal, i don't really wanna hear it right now."
"okay, that's alright. i just wanted to let you know. we can talk about it another time?"
there's silence on the other end until he says, "you know, i've always supported you no matter what. i can handle that, but you putting evie in that situation wasn't okay. she used to call me at midnight almost every single day to ask where you were and if you were okay, she always cared about you calum. you need to get through your head. she's always loved you, and she didn't do anything wrong."
i sign, "i know. i promise i'm sorting it out."
"well you're not. what happened tonight wasn't sorting it out."
"i'm going to my NA meeting on friday, okay?"
"good plan. i love you bro, please just try and do better."
"love you too."

ashton hangs up the phone and i turn back over to evie, throwing my phone on the bedside table.
"do you wanna come with me on friday?" i ask her, playing with her hair in my fingertips.
"if you want me there then i'll be there." she says with wet cheeks.
"i think it'll be better."
"cal...i've been thinking about this for a while and you can say no."
"yeah?"
"will you see a psychologist with me?" she finally asks, looking into my eyes.
"a shrink?"
"yeah." she shrugs.
"what...what are you hoping to get out of it?"

she sighs and rolls onto her back, "don't worry about it."
"no, no i'm not saying i don't want to," i grab her cheek, "if it'll make you happy then let's do it."
"thank you." she smiles sadly.

/

i wake up with evie in my arms, and i've got a pulsing headache with my mouth dry. i squint at the light coming through in the window, the hot LA heat evident in the room. i slide out of evie's arms and sit up in bed, looking down at her face.

my shirt bunched up around her and lips parted slightly, eyelashes fluttering out onto her cheeks. i reach for her hair, brushing it off her face. she stirs slightly, taking my hand in hers and bringing it to her cheek.

"come back to bed." she says, eyes closed.
"i'll make us some breakfast."
"in a minute, stay for a bit." she pulls my hand down.

i climb back into bed and she wraps herself around me, i look up at the ceiling. i can't fuck this up, i cant.

"doll, come on." i sigh, moving her hand off me.
"please, just five more minutes." she moved her hand back and places it on my cheek.

i shift down further in the bed and hug her back.
"i could stay like this forever." she still hasn't opened her eyes, her mouth open.
"me too." i say, leaning forward and pressing my mouth to hers.

her lips are wet and soft, accepting my kiss openly and moving with me and not against me. she pulls me closer, leaving no space between our bodies. evie's fingertips run down my cheek, grazing the stubble and textured skin.

she pecks my lips three times, signalling our old code, and we don't say a word because we both know exactly what she means.
she still loves me.
i peck her lips three times back, and those beautiful eyes open up.

/

"finally room in the car!" evie smiles, climbing into the vans seat next to me. i find my hand immediately going to her thigh, holding her bare skin. evie's hand folds over mine and she looks at me with a small smile. we start to drive.
"what are you doing?" she asks.
"just a habit." i shrug, pulling my hand from in between her thighs.
"okay guys so the shoot today is huge for us, rolling stones cover goddammit!" feldy says in excitement.
"are you okay?" evie whispers in my ear.
"better, today." i give her a small smile and turn to the boys, "we ready to be the worlds greatest band!?" i try to sound excited.

ashton gives me a glare, but not as harsh as i was expecting.
"studio is only five minutes out." feldy announces.
i look at evie, admiring her skin. she pulls her phone out and starts to type on notes, i booked us in for tomorrow. 11am sharp.

i sigh and nod, taking the phone from her and starting to type back.
bit soon...
and we start to communicate in her notes, our own little secret.
it's only soon for you she replies.

i was just expecting maybe next week

the expectation would make u not wanna go even more

i do want to go

no u don't.

okay yeah idk i'm just nervous

that's okay

what do u want to happen with it

i don't know. i don't know how to love u without help right now

u love me?

i'll always love u calum.

a shrink isn't gonna change that

do u want this to work or not

of course i do... i just believe you're better off without me

a 'shrink' might be able to help those unhelpful thoughts

is it a guy or a chick

a guy. i thought that would be easier for u

yes. thank u.

u know i probably would be better off without u, but i can't do it anymore. it hurts too much

u mean that?

you've got it in writing

im sorry i scared u so bad last night

i know u are. i can't handle that ever again

it won't happen again. i promise

do you mean that cal

you've got it in writing sweetheart