smile ; ch

fifty two

evie

i sit behind all the camera crew, only having the slightest vision point of the guys. they're further skewed and blocked as the makeup team swarm around their faces, blotting the oil away, and for calum, his sweat.
he looks pale and shaky, which leads me to think he's either had opioids or a line of coke. either way, i can't confirm. he could be anxious. he wouldn't of had any time to get anything, so he could've had it hid in the house.

"god, he doesn't look well. is he okay?" sierra asks me, placing her palm on my forearm.
"i um...i don't know." i respond, my mouth dry.

i watch as one of the girls on the makeup team look around, asking for foundation.
she pats it into his skin, bringing his colour back.

"should i go check on him?" i ask crystal and sierra.
"they start soon, babe." crystal says.
"i'll be quick."

i push out of my chair and move through all the people swiftly, trying to avoid hitting them as much as i can.
when i get to him, i tap the girl doing his makeup on the shoulder.
"can i?" i smile, she nods and hands one beauty blender to me and moves onto michael next to him.

"hey." i give him a sad smile, holding his cheek and lightly bouncing the makeup into his skin, "how are we doing, baby?"
"i don't wanna do this." he shivers.
"it's just one interview, sweetheart. you got this."
"i can't do this without them, im so anxious." he whispers. i stop bouncing the sponge.
"you didn't have any?"
"no." he shakes his head.
"good, that's good." i sigh in relief. "it's gonna be okay, i promise." i smile, but he doesn't return it.
"i-i don't know what to say."
"just wait for their questions, remember to breathe, and i'll be right over there with the girls, okay?"

i keep bouncing the sponge, soaking up his sweat and trying to blend a foundation that won't buff out. i start to use my fingers, spreading the liquid over his pores and being as gentle as i can.

"fuck, evie, i don't think i can do this." he shakes.
"come on, man, we're all here. what's the worst they can ask?" michael taps his knee.
"he's right, baby. it's gonna be okay, feldy would've organised with their manager what's okay to ask. what's freaking you out the most?"
"i-i don't know. the lights, the cameras, so many people."
"we perform in sold out stadiums, cal. one little interview isn't gonna be so bad."
"i'm usually fucking high for those shows, michael." calum hisses and brushes my hands away from his face.
"enough." he tells me, not being able to meet my eye.
"it's gonna be okay." i place my hands on his neck, "i love you."

when cal looks up at me, his eyes are watery and his bottom lip chapped and cracked. i take my lip balm from my pocket, bending ever so slightly to place it on his lips. they drop apart, softening into the formula and his breath flows shakily between them.

i lean forward and press my mouth to his, tasting the pomegranate flavour and feeling him place the most delicate amount of pressure to me.
"i love you." he says, "can you stay over tonight? our little secret? i'll come get you after feldy drops you home." he whispers.
"of course." i give him a sly wink, trying to cheer him on.

"okay! we start in 5!" the production manager says, clearing us all away from the boys.
i return to my seat, receiving the nod of approval from the girls.

"he's okay, he's okay."

/

"this is fucking bullshit, feldy! you knew they were going to ask me about that?!" calum slams through a door, bellowing at feldy behind him. i pace behind feldy too, all in one solid line to get out into the LA night life.

"cal, i didnt know, i swear. i'll talk to the production manager, we'll get them to cut it out." feldy pleads.
"don't fucking lie to me, john. look me in the eye and tell me you didn't authorise them to ask about the drugs?" calum spins on his heels, jabbing a finger at feldy.

i watch in silence, unable to move and unable to speak.
"i-i knew it was a maybe. i encouraged them not to ask so we could avoid exactly what's happening right now."
"what the fuck is your point anymore, felds?" calum laughs breathlessly, "'cover up your drug use with a publicity stunt! oh wait! let's just ask you about it in a public interview, really own it to your fans!'"

calum shakes his head and starts to walk away, instinctively, i follow.
"cal, wait."
"go home, evie. i don't want to talk right now." he yells over his shoulder.
"calum!" john calls too.
"babe, please, just let me come home with you."
"i said go home!" he yells again, picking up his stride.

i watch him walk away, my chest heaving up and down quickly. john comes up behind me, breathing hard too.

"i'm sorry, evie."
"i'm not the one you should be sorry to. you knew that was going to be hard for him and you still let it happen."

we watch cal turn the corner, leaving us both stranded together in the alley.