smile ; ch

fifty five

calum

she stands from her bed and stretches. her arms seem to stretch and stretch, like she can reach the walls. my tiredness and perhaps three xanax's morphing my vision so pleasantly that all i start to see is her tanned skin. soft, cotton shorts and a singlet. innocent but enough to make me sit up straighter.

"you okay?" i ask.
"just going to get some water, do you want anything?"
"yeah, can i have one too please?"
"of course." she turns around to start walking to the door.
"thanks." i say.

as she trails down the stairs, i pick her phone up.
i scroll through ashton's messages. lots of photos of his garden, his veggie patch, peace selfies.
ashton: wish u were here! this could be good for photos :)
a dimly lit room, a guitar in his lap and his shirt on the floor.
evie: looks like a nice space, enjoy!

she's so pleasant in her responses, something twinges in my eye. i read and read until i hear her come back up the stairs. the last text i read before locking her phone says
evie: sorry about coffee, cal and i had a big fight the night before. we'll catch up properly soon.

my blood boils at her words and i shove the phone back into the spot i kept it before. when she enters the room, two glasses in hand, she gives me a warm smile.

"i put some ice in there for you." she puts my glass on her bedside table.
"thanks." i mumble, staring at the end of the bed.
"want to watch a movie?" she puts her glass down and finds the tv remote.
"sure."
"we don't have to."
"i don't mind." i shrug.
"what's wrong?"
"nothing, let's watch a movie."
"you've been acting weird all night, cal. you wanted to come over but you're so hot and cold." she stays standing.

i look over and up at her, watching her pick at her fingers and i know im making her nervous. something just doesn't feel right about ashton but i just can't put my finger on it, i know they'd both never fuck me over like that, but what if they would? what if this is all some master plan of revenge for what i did to her?

"cal?" she repeats and i realise ive zoned out.
"it's fine, can you get back into bed?"

she raises an eyebrow but does what i say, sliding under the covers and keeping her distance.
"should i put the tv on?" she asks after moment, snapping me out of my gaze.

i think ashton touching her, how terrifying it is. the adrenaline and anger of if she enjoys it even more terrifying.
"cal! what's up with you? talk to me." she sits up, exasperated.
"i'm sorry, i'm sorry." i shake my head and lightly chuckle to myself, im going crazy.
"did you take something?"
"what?"
"did you take anything? look at me!" she says, and i do, i look at her. i try to fix my gaze, not letting the euphoric state be seen. but it's not euphoria anymore, not after seeing that.
"i read your texts." i confess.

she scoffs, throwing the covers off her.
"why?" she says and stands again.
"do you think ashton likes you, evie? be honest."
"who cares if ashton likes me?! i love you. i don't know what else i have to fucking do to get that into your head." she storms off and into her bathroom, slamming the door.

i'm sat stunned for a moment, processing her reaction and cocking my head to the side in confusion.

after for what feels like forever, i walk to the bathroom door and knock softly. i can hear her soft sniffles, her clutching at tissues, probably sat on the bathroom counter facing away from the mirror.

"evie, i'm sorry. can i come in?" i lean my head against the door. i try the door, but it's locked. my vision is giving me motion sickness, like each frame is jumping too quickly.
"can you go home, cal? i can't do this tonight. i can't fight."
"let me in." i plead.
"please, go."
"just open the door, baby, please." i start to beg.

within thirty seconds, she opens the door, red eyes and cheeks. i immediately hoist her up into my arms and onto the bathroom counter, hugging her tightly.
"i just can't help but feel like somethings going on with ashton, im sorry."
"i don't feel anything for him but as a friend, i swear cal."
"i know, i know. i can see that now."
"you can't go snooping in my fucking phone when i'm not there, cal. that's not fair. where's the trust? you've got my code, you've got everything from me. i'm not doing anything behind your back."

i pull out of the hug and look at her, "if there's nothing to hide, then what's the problem?"
she scoffs, "trust. if i ever noticed anything not okay i would tell you immediately."

i scratch the back of my neck, "okay."
"i don't go through your phone, and you actually cheated on me." she shakes her head and wipes her nose with her sleeve, her legs dangling delicately off the counter.

i lean against the doorframe, "i don't know why he lied about talking to me."
"he's probably just trying to be there for me without getting between us, which it obviously is doing." she pulls her knees up to her chest and i don't want to tell her i can see her underwear underneath her shorts, i just try not to stare.
"you've been acting weird all fucking night." she states.

"i was just tired." i move back towards her, "i'm sorry i made you cry."
"won't be the last." she shrugs.

i sigh, using my finger to tilt her jaw up.
"please drop this ashton thing." she looks up into my eyes.
"i will, im sorry." i force out, leaning down to lock lips with her.

she wraps her knees around my waist and pulls me closer into the kiss, her wet cheeks hitting mine.
"i-i can't do this, not right now." she says in between kisses. her body tells me one thing, her words another.
"why?" i ask and she starts to pull my shirt over my head.
"we can't keep fighting and doing this."
"stop thinking about it." i encourage, pushing her singlet up and over her head too, revealing her bare chest.

the drugs make her touch ten times stronger and softer all at once. the hair on my body stands on its ends and the nerves tingle in a euphoric dance. she grazes her fingertips up my stomach, to my neck and into my hair.
"fuck." i groan out as she kisses along my jaw and my ear.

"seriously, we have to stop." she breathes deeply, not stopping her motions. i pick her up off the counter and try to carry her back to bed, but in the midst of the walk, we're falling to the ground. my limbs go numb from the sensation of her lips.
"are you okay?" she asks, although she fell the hardest.
"are you? i'm so sorry." we chuckle and she pulls me back on top of her, on the carpeted ground.
"come here."

as i move back up her body, i place gentle kisses along her thighs and start to peel her shorts off her. my vision bounces still but every sensation is heightened exponentially.

as i delve in, she releases a high pitch squeal of pleasure.
and i don't stop until she's screaming.