smile ; ch

fifty four

evie

calum: u awake?
me: yeah, u ok?
calum: i wish u were here
me: it's been a slow week i know
calum: the slowest
me: what have u been doing?
calum: lots of writing...how about you?
me: planning, saw june today, showed her my ideas for the new collection
calum: what did she think?
me: she loved it
calum: i'm excited to see it too
calum: can i come over?
me: we've only got a few more days
calum: i know
me: we should follow the contract cal
calum: i need u

i drop my phone into my lap, sighing. i've got my a3 sketchbook sitting beside me with my all my ideas, i know i need to work on that.

calum: u there? is that a no?
me: come over

/

"i'm not gonna apologise, i missed you." cal says as he brushes past me into the house, i can't really call it mine can i?
"we were separated for four days..."
"i know, crazy hey?" he chuckles.
"cal," i sigh and close the front door, "i'm glad you're here but it wasn't that long. if feldy finds out then we're gonna lose the contract."
"would that really be the worst thing?" he shrugs his jacket off and puts it on one of the bare coat hooks.
"yes." i fold my arms.
"come on, babe, i just missed you. didn't you miss me?"

he comes closer with that stupid grin, but his eyes...his eyes are different. droopy, red.
"i did." i say, letting him engulf me. he doesn't smell like weed or alcohol or anything, he just might be tired.
"that's more like it." he kisses my cheek, "now, what can we do to entertain ourselves in here?"

he starts to trail down the hall, his left foot turning in ever so slightly. he's always been a bit pigeon toed, something that nearly broke his arm in high school playing football. he'd nearly trip on his own feet until his dad forced him to walk in a straight line for hours and hours every night. back and forth along a piece of tape. those were terrible times, his feet would be so sore by the end of the night that he'd just about collapse when he was dismissed.
but i see now, he's relaxed and forgotten the training. or shoved the torture into a place i know he keeps settled with drugs and alcohol.

"is your camera fixed?" he enters my kitchen.
"yeah, babe, we got it done last week." i trail behind him.
"that's right, sorry."
"it's okay."
"i really did miss you babe." he leans against the island.
"is everything okay?"
his grin turns into an exasperated sigh, looking up at the ceiling, "i can't just say i missed you?"
i rub my arm, "yeah...yeah of course you can."

he lazily turns towards the island and rests his elbows on it. he hums, then chuckles, looking at me over his shoulder.
"what?" i ask.
"nothing." he shakes his head.
"you seem different, cal, what's up?"
"come here." he says, using one finger to gesture me over. i do, my slippers making the only noise in the house other than our breathing.
"you look so cute." he smiles as i stand beside him, his fingers reaching over and playing with the small bow on my singlet.
"are you feeling okay after last week?" i sigh.
"shh, not now." he smiles lazily, im starting to question if he's had anything or if he's just really tired again.
i cup his cheek, "when did you last sleep?"
"evie, fuck." he chuckles and retracts his hand, "is it impossible to believe i'm just happy to see you?"

i take a step back and study him, watching him stand up straight and broad. he moves to my fridge and pulls out of a bottle of water, practically skulling the whole thing down in own gulp.

"i'm sorry, i just, i've been worried about you since the whole interview thing."
"you worry too much, im fine." he throws the empty bottle onto the counter and smiles at me. the sound of the plastic hitting the counter makes me jump slightly, but he doesn't notice.

without another word, he moves around the island and engulfs me in his arms, kissing my cheek and hugging me again.
i hesitantly wrap my arms around him too, his strength picking me up off the ground.
"cal, too tight." i chuckle but he doesn't release.

"cal." i say, and he places me back down.
"why aren't you..." he trails off, "nevermind."
"what?"
"nothing, come on, can we go upstairs?"
"what were you gonna say?"
"nothing, baby."
"cal, when did you sleep last?"

his soft face turns into a hard frown, eyebrows pursed together and mouth parted.
"if it's gonna be like this, i'm just gonna go."

he moves off me and scratches the back off his neck.
"fine." i sigh, suddenly feeling embarrassed for pushing him too far. "let's go upstairs."

/

"where was this?" he asks, flicking through my photos in my phone.
"brooklyn, i think." i lean over and look.
"you look beautiful, i love this one."
"thank you." i watch as he sends it to himself, and i shake my head in response.
"you saw june today?"
"mmhmm." i hum in response.
"how is she?"

i close my book and place it on the bedside table, "she's tired...i don't want to talk about it if that's okay."
"of course, come here." he places my phone in between us and pulls me into his arms..

my phone chimes and vibrates between us, i go to pick it up but calum beats me too it.
"'hey love, just wanting to check in, haven't heard from cal since the interview. are you guys ok?'" he repeats the text out loud with a frown.
"who's that from?"
"ashton."
"oh, just leave it."
"i have spoken to him."
"huh?"
"i spoke to him the day after."
"oh."
"whatever." he puts my phone in his bedside table and returns back to our hug.

although bizarre, calum doesn't seem to focus on ashton's text and gaps in truth.