smile ; ch

ten

evie

calum used to write me love letters and leave them under my pillow every time he came over. he'd write things like sweetheart and darling and i'd feel like the most important girl in the world. when we moved to colorado he'd leave me clues and notes all around the house for me to find, which was always the most exciting part of my morning. when things got bad between us and he wouldn't come home until 4am every morning after partying, the notes would become scribblier and i'd started leaving them instead so he could sleep in. the last one was the messiest, and it said, i wish you still loved me like you used to and it broke my heart into a million pieces because i've always loved him like i did when i was 13.
when i turned 13, i started to understand that he was the one for me and that no one could ever compare. i discovered my body and periods, feelings of love and desperation for someone that wasn't just the love of my parents.
he'd buy me flowers and bring home fish for my dad after going out with the boys to the river. he'd talk to my parents like they were his best friends, he never crossed the line. he'd look at me a certain way where i just knew he loved me and it was never questioned between us. everyone at school knew not to fuck with either of us, nothing could ever rock the boat, no one could ever come between. yeah we'd fight, but he'd always apologise. when we moved to america, he discovered drugs and booze and all the exciting things a big city had to offer. stuff he didn't get to experience as much in his teen years.
i blamed myself for a long time that i wasn't enough, the girls here in the states could fuck like pornstars but little young evie didn't know what half of it was.

when i moved to new york, i only fucked one guy. i'd been drunk, and he was sloppy, he wasn't cal. he wasn't caring, or even had anything to offer but a hard dick that wasn't satisfying. i found myself comparing him to cal throughout the whole thing, wishing it was cal's back i was clutching and not some random dude i met at a bar.
when he left, i cried and cried because no one has ever compared to calum.
even when he was angry with me, i still felt like i was the only thing he ever wanted in his whole life.

/

"hurry up." calum groaned from the other side of the door.
"shut up!" i yelled back, i tug at the uncomfortable straps of the dress and re-examine myself in the mirror. brown smoky eyeshadow, black sleek dress, uncomfortable fucking shoes i don't want to wear with little straps too.
"we've got two minutes, evie!" i hear john.
"i'm coming!" i say, turning and opening the door.

john and calum stand on the other side. i see cal's jaw clench, and john smiles.
"you look beautiful, young lady! doesn't she cal?" he nudges him, but he doesn't reply.
"thanks, feldy."
"let's go." cal says abruptly, turning away from us and heading out the door.

john gives me a sympathetic smile and we start to walk out to my living room. the boys sat on the couch and all started cheering, even though everyone was just as dressed up.

"country girls do clean up nice!" ashton cheers me on and i roll my eyes at him.
"thank you, okay, let's go before calum bursts a blood vessel in his forehead." i say, and the boys stand up from the couch.
"everyone in the car!" feldy claps his hands once, calum waits for me.

all the boys and john start to pile out of the room and out the front door, but calum stops me at the doorway.
"what's wrong?" i ask, looking up at his tall frame.
"i'm sorry about earlier."
"there's nothing to apologise for." i say, dead face.
"i'm still sorry."
"you don't need to be." i snap, going to move out the door. cal's hand grabs onto my upper arm and i look up at him in disbelief that he's grabbing me like this.
"for one night, can we just get along?"
"let go of me right now otherwise i will rip a ball off you." i say, looking him dead in the eyes.
"you're such a bitch." he mumbles, letting me go and going to the car.

"fuck, um, okay little problem guys." john says, from the passenger door.
"there's no fucking room." calum complains, squishing next to ashton on the end seat.
i sigh, analysing the problem.
"i'll catch an uber and see you guys there."
"no way." john exclaims, getting in the car. "find a lap!" he yells.

i look at calum, and he turns away, staring straight into the driver seat.
"fine." i huff. i walk towards the car, "move a little." i demand to cal.
"you can make do."
"cal, don't be a dick." john snaps from the passenger seat.
"yeah, cal, don't be a dick." i smirk.

i climb onto his lap, putting all my weight onto him. he shifts uncomfortably but i could care less.
"all good back there?" the driver asks, and i but in before calum can.
"all good, we can go!"

as we drive off, the boys start to look at their phones. i shift to get more comfortable and cal pinched my thigh.
"ouch." i say, kicking his shin with my heel.
"stop fucking moving." he whispers.
"what, like this?" i wriggle my hips more and dig deeper into his pelvis
"stop." he demands, moving his hands to the sides of my bum.
"you couldn't get your phone out of your pocket before i sat here, could you?" i turn my head towards the window so the boys didn't hear us arguing over his stupid fucking phone poking into my right ass cheek.
the music played loudly through the car thanks to john.
"that's not my phone." i hear him hiss, and as the realisation hits me that he's got a boner and his phone is on the floor of the car, i try to hold back a laugh.
"what the fuck, cal." i say, his grip on my hips firms as i turn to look at him.
"please stop moving, jesus christ."
"i'm literally staying still, you're disgusting."
"stop bickering, fucking hell." michael complains.
"shut up." calum responds.

i feel heat rush to my core at the feeling of calum underneath me. in response, i press a bit harder into his groin and feel him suck in a harsh breath.
"whoops." i say, and his hands snake around my lower stomach, holding me firmly there.
"you're an asshole." he says into my ear.
"so are you."
"you're lucky we're not together anymore." he presses my hips further into his.
"i know i am, you're awful." i say, breathing deeply.
i hear his head hit the backseat and his thumbs rub circles on my hip bones like he used to when we went to a party and i was anxious.
i watch the people walking on the sidewalk, staring vacantly at the window.
"can you grab my phone?" cal asks, and i lean down in between his legs to find the phone. his hands don't leave my hips, pulling them further back until half of my ass is on his stomach.
"here." i sit up with the phone, but now my back was pressed harder against his chest.
"thanks." he takes the phone and leaves it in his hand that returns back to my hip.
"almost there, guys." the driver announces.

i pull my phone out of my purse and search my name into google, wanting to see what the press had to say about us.

calum hood back with high school sweetheart!
calum hood and evie melrose out for coffee
forget the mystery girls! evie melrose is back in town!

i see all the paparazzi photos of us smiling, even kissing from today, and the photos we'd posted of each other circulating on these stupid news sites.
"we're here." john says, "everyone look alive. calum, evie, pda to the max please."

calum and i don't respond, but i feel his right hand push further up my stomach right to my ribs.
"after you." calum says to me after all the boys pile out of the car.

i step out too, but as my heeled shoe lands onto the uneven pavement, my ankle gives out and i almost fall, before i can, i feel calum's arm wrap around my waist.
i'm blinded by flashing camera lights, but i hear calum laugh in my ear.
"you've always been a clumsy little thing, haven't you?" he says.
"i-uh-i-" i try to form a sentence but feel my face flush red and hot from embarrassment.

without another word, calum lifts me into his arms bridal style, and we're bombarded by cameras and paparazzi.
"smile, baby. this publicity stunt doesn't mean you can't play along, remember how you used to smile at me when you loved me?"