smile ; ch

forty eight

evie

"so, i heard cal talking about the new contract." sierra says, refilling both mine and crystals glass with sweet, fruity wine.
"yeah, yeah. it's all out and signed now." i try to smile, catching cal's eye from the other side of the yard. he gives me a quick wink before returning to his own conversation.

"how are you feeling about it girl?" crystal asks, pulling her knees up onto the couch. us three girls curled up into the cushions, gossiping and drinking wine which is giving me a headache.

"oh, you know...it's not been easy but it's been okay."
"i can imagine it would be so tough, evie." sierra comforts, rubbing her hand on my shoulder.
"it's okay, really, thank you."
"how's he been though?" crystal asks, "you know, without the stuff?"
"yeah, i wanted to ask as well! he's been so much better lately-"
"uh, guys, i just need a minute." i say, setting my glass down and excusing myself to the kitchen, out of sight from the group.

i lean against the countertop and take a huge gulp of air in. it's dark now and i'm ready to go home, ready for the questions to stop and as much as i adore these women i just can't do it tonight.

"hey, you alright?" i hear.

i look up, seeing ashton with an empty beer bottle closing the back sliding door.
"yeah, hey. i just needed a minute."
"what's goin on?" he comes in more, standing next to me at the counter.
"not in the mood for twenty one questions, ash."
"i get it," he wraps an arm around me too, "it's been really nice hanging out with you and cal again. it was really hard to get him out during the day last year."
"yeah...yeah." i nod, looking at him.
"i'm always here, eves."
"i know, thanks ash."
"are you sure you don't feel like talking?"
"honestly, the only person i want to talk to is calum, but there's nothing wrong. we're okay."
"no no i get it, but are you okay?"
"yeah, i'm all good." i tell him, but i'm so tired.

ashton bring me into a hug, kissing the top of my head and giving me a tight squeeze. it's comforting, but i wish he was calum right now.
ash and i have been friends since before i met cal, he lived down the road from us and our mums were great friends. sometimes i forget that we were good friends, and have been, especially when my entire childhood and young adulthood had been revolving calum.

ashton was there for me the most through the breakup, he would text nearly every day to check in, and i couldn't be more grateful. i've seen him with girls and been there for him when they've broken his heart, as well as supported the decisions he's had to make when he's had to do the same.

the sliding door opens, revealing calum and the group behind him. i watch his eyes, darting up and down and side to side between ashton and i.
ash releases his arms from me, walking over to the group.
"we kickin on?" he asks.
"nah, nah," cal places his cup on the kitchen island, "you ready to go, evie?"
"yeah." i nod.

just like that, we say our goodbyes.

/

when calum was upset, when he was young, he'd pick me up in the middle of the night and we'd either ride our bikes or drive for hours. although, back then, it was always his dad that upset him, never me. we'd ride out into paddocks, jumping fences and occasionally getting bolts of electricity rushed through us if we were stupid enough to trespass onto rich farmer's lands.

we'd run and sit and crawl, always having each others backs if we saw lights turn on up in the homes. some nights, when it was real bad at home, we'd find abandoned paddocks and camp there until the sun came up. we'd talk for hours and hours, talking about the fights but also dancing around it until it was just time to go home. i miss that, having an open field to go and hide in.

"want some panadol?" he asks bluntly, noticing me rubbing my temples.
"yeah, thanks." i take the packet from him, looking up from the pillow in my lap.
"i'm gonna have a shower." he tells me.
"are you okay?"
"yep." he gives me a quick nod, and i can tell he's not alright at all.