"fuck that was good" billie says as i we both
lie heavy breathing on the floor of my new apartment. i look at her, examining her swollen lips and naked body lay there on the laminate.
"i wish you didn't have to leave" i say sighing. she leans over me, holding her body up with her arms and brings her lips to mine passionately. "i know, but i love you ok. your in la now, you have your new apartment and i'll be back in no time" she tells me, kissing my chest just above my right boob.
"will that dude be there with you" i ask, making her sigh.
"don't baby, we have spoke about this" she says, her hand softly running through my hair. i stay silent and nod, she kisses me once again, taking
my bottom lip between hers momentarily.
she sits up and pulls her t shirt over her head and her pants. "i gotta go, but i'll facetime you whenever i can ok" she tells me. i nod and watch disappointedly as she leaves.
i put my clothes back on and sit down on the floor, leaning against the wall.
billie and i have known each other for 2 years, we met at a randomly coffee shop in la and just happened to fall in love with each other massively.
but it hasn't all worked out well to be honest. her and i can't be together and she tells me that every single day i'm with her. she doesn't want our relationship to ruin her career or anything so will never make it official with me. I'm in the same career as her and I don't care with people think.
yet she will walk around the city with some random dude and let paps take photos of them holding hands and shit. i know she's been sleeping with him too, she hasn't exactly told me about it but she's not denying it either.
billie convinced me to move to los angeles so i did. i got an apartment with my friend/ on and off crush dan who i've known for like 6 years.
she wasn't too happy about me moving in with him but i didn't have a choice, i couldn't afford it on my own and i didn't want to live with her despite how much i love her.
"i'm back tate" dan says, opening the front door and keeping it open for the delivery men to bring the furniture in. we literally have nothing at the moment. "is billie gone?"
"yeah she left not long ago" i say with a nod.
"good cause she really hates me" he says laughing, putting his hand in his brown curls.
"she only hates you because you like me" i tell him, rolling my eyes. some guys start carrying sofas into the living room, placing them in random places for us to move.
they then bring the beds in and put them in both the bedrooms for us. we literally have no food in or anything at the moment. i got to la like 3 hours ago and have just been sat around on the floor, and obviously with billie.
my things are just all in bags on the floor of my room. moving stressful.
"thank you dude" dan says to the moving people as they finish up on the last of the things. i push things around, putting them in the right position and then head into my room to sort my bed sheets and things.
"so what we doing, wanna fuck" dan says, leaning on my door frame watching me.
"that would be kinda weird because i've already fucked billie, kinda sore so down there so no thank you i'll pass" i tell him making him widen my eyes.
"but billie can't give you a relationship, a future, i can" he says. i ignore him and put my pillows on the bed and straightening everything up.
"you know it's true" he says into my ear, placing a kiss on my neck and then walking off.
don't get me wrong, i do like dan and i have for a while. there's something about him. but you know when you've been friends with someone for so many years it just feels weird to take it further. i mean i'd lie if i said we haven't gone further because we have but i dunno it's just weird.
i would give him a chance but i'm too hooked up on billie. i know i shouldn't be, because it's not gonna happen. but i just can't help it.
i open a few bags, shoving a rug down onto my warm wooden floor beside my bed.
pulling my phone out my pocket i send billie a quick text.
me: how's travelling.
billie: the airports boring as fuck
me: where exactly are you going again
billie: around the uk to do some festivals and stuff.
billie: i miss you though
me: maybe this is good for us, maybe we need to stay apart to be able to move on
billie: i don't wanna move on
me: i don't either bil but i can't keep doing this, i'm going crazy for someone who won't be with me.
billie: i know and i'm sorry, if i could i would you know that.
me: actually i don't really know anything, we just fuck around, you say you love me and then leave again
billie: i do love you
me: how am i supposed to know if that's true or not though
billie: i guess you just have to trust me on that one.
i read her message and throw my phone down onto my bed. don't fall in love with a celebrity guys, it'll ruin your life.
YOU ARE READING
if we were meant to be (billieeilishxtatemcrae)
Teen Fiction"if we were meant to be we would've been by now"
