if we were meant to be (billieeilishxtatemcrae)

twenty six

billie's pov

i've been watching tate soundcheck for the past 20 minutes, i've actually never watched her soundcheck for the whole time i've been on tour with her. she hasn't fully opened back up to me yet, and i get it. i understand why because i've not always been the best to her. 

she has finally managed to get her dancers back for the rest of the shows, after complaining that her set was boring without them.

i watch as she laughs loudly at findlay twerking to every single song she sings.

"i can feel you shutting off now, like i always expected you would, start believing all your friends now, cause they all say that you get bored. i feel it, your bout to cut me out your life, i feel it, just know that there's no second try"

"yeah if you wanna go ahead and lie to me throw it all out now that's fine with me, oh if i'm not enough for you honestly, i hope you don't come back" tate sings, dancing around with her best friend.

"hold up is this song about me?" i question, laughing cause i've finally realised what the lyrics are. tate smirks and then bursts out laughing again, clearly meaning yes.

she finishes that song and shouts her sound guy over, "i wanna try play my song hate myself for the first time tonight" she says to him, watching as he adds it to the set list.

zach sits behind piano and tate sits on a stool messing around with her ear piece and giving her sound guy a thumbs up.

"i didn't think this over, fell back when you got closer. after i just put you right through hell, you couldn't hate me more than i hate myself. id always act so selfish, had shit i hadn't dealt with, after i just put you right through hell, you couldn't hate me more than i hate myself" she sings.

findlay finally stops twerking and we both stand there in awe watching her sing her heart out to this song. her eyes squeezed shut, her voice all raspy and occasionally cracking.

"now off i go to hurt you again,  i shut you out to try and forget that i'm the one who's fucked in the end, because baby you'll be happier with someone else, so off i go to hurt you again, i'll shut you out to try and forget that i'm the one who's fucked in the end, cause you couldn't hate me more than i hate myself".

as soon as she finishes the song, finneas stands next to me and claps loudly bringing tate's attention to us. "was that good?" she asks and every single one of us instantly nods.

"i'm guessing me and the girls aren't going to be dancing during that one" findlay says jokingly and tate laughs shaking her head no.

i watch her finish the rest of her songs, practicing her dances with her friends and making sure that everybody knows what their doing. "damn i'm tired already" she says, coming over after getting her soundbox taken off her.

"i cant believe i've never watched you soundcheck before" i say to her, holding her face gently in my hands and pecking her lips a couple of times, and then letting her catch her breath back.

she takes my hand and intertwines our fingers as we all walk back to the dressing rooms. "i'm gonna go and shower, i'll come and get ready in your dressing room after" she says to me, leaning in and kissing me one more time, then disappearing into her dressing room with her friends.

// tate's pov

"new york city how are you doing tonight" i say into the microphone, looking out at the thousands of people in the crowd. "are you all excited to see billie?" i ask, loud screams echoing the room.